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Ever dated a damaged woman? Is it true thay can change overnight?


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Posted

[FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3] [/sIZE][/FONT][FONT=Calibri][sIZE=3]Sanity check.[/sIZE][sIZE=3] [/sIZE][sIZE=3]I have been reading about “damaged women” and those that come from bad marriages. I understand that many will start off great in the relationship, but suddenly turn on their partner and basically scuttle the relationship altogether without warning. I think this just happened to me. I dated women that I had fallen greatly attached to over the past 4 months. All was great and then suddenly one day she said “we should talk”. Mind you she had told me the night before how much she loved me. She was hosting her own birthday party and asked if I was coming three times. I said of course. The morning of the party she sent a text saying that i shouldn’t come, and that we shouldn’t see each other anymore. We had a great 4 months with no fights and she was passionate about me every day and night and then suddenly BAM! She said she isn’t ready for a relationship and that herself is a ”mess” from her marriage where her husband cheated on her with hookers for 25 years. She always warned me that she has jealousy issues and I tend to think she was also warning me that when she gets close to somebody, she bails. I am left to think of this phenomenon about :”damaged women” and their propensity to scuttle a great relationship because of fear of the future disappointment etc. Have any of you every heard of such a thing? Seems that since she said I was the best man, lover, smartest, sexiest, most genuine man she has ever met, why would she dump me for somebody that bikes etc.. With that said, she also admitted to over doing her biking and hiking and running thing to the point she believes she has that illness that these folks get. She will bike every Sat/Sun WED for 100 miles, and run in-between and hike in-between that. She says she does it to get her mind off of her stresses etc, but stated that she felt she was over doing it and running away from reality. So, ever heard of this where a person will dump perfectly good mate and scuttle all hopes of a friendship out of the blue? Do these types come back around? If I go NC, and she text, what should I do? Respond, ignore, run ? [/sIZE][/FONT]

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Posted

In general, if someone leaves unless this person PROVES to you that they are really sorry, has completely changed, and will never make the same mistake I would ignore/run. They should show exactly what they did wrong, why it happened, how they resolved it, what they learned, etc. People do change sometimes. It happens, but I wouldn't hold my breath unless they have truly proved themselves. Do not accept a half-baked try at an apology to get back together because they will just leave again. Obviously, as great as you were this time they were willing to leave. What's to say they won't do it again if they don't prove it?

 

She might have had a psychological lapse & is cutting everyone off, in which case she probably needs help more than a relationship right now. It sounds like that may be the case. If she gets the help she needs and proves she has resolved the issue, you might consider it if you want to invest yourself it that. But note there's no guarantee you don't end up in the exact same situation.

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Posted

No one can change overnight. No one.

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Posted

Sure they can... people with psychological issues can be normal one day and completely lose it the next. Maybe not the other way around, but if you have a disorder it can just kick in.

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Posted
Sure they can... people with psychological issues can be normal one day and completely lose it the next. Maybe not the other way around, but if you have a disorder it can just kick in.

 

 

 

That is true. I thought he meant like change how they feel.

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Posted

Thank you folks. I was just baffled as to why she would praise me one day and tell me that she loved me, and then bail the next day. I found out she did this to another gent, and has had failed relationships ever since her divorce 8 years ago. I assume she is damaged as she said she has "issues", and isn't ready to deal with a relationship right now. She pursued me, so I was caught off guard when I finally started dating her, everything looked to be a great fit, lots of love, lots of praise because she had never been treated this good, and on the way out she said, this again. Odd.

Posted

Seems very BPD-esque.

Posted

To me its a normal divorced woman with unsolved issues and fear.... tons of those out there...

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Posted

Charlie, I am new to single life after 25 years of marriage. I find it hard to deal with a woman that chases me, catches me, then tells me she loves me and then behaves this way and suddenly dumps me. I read where often when they were abused (husband was an evangelist for 27 years and often paid for hookers until she finally left him...you know, the Jimmy Swaggart types), they will fear getting too close and break things off out of fears that they will be hurt again. She divorced 8 years ago, but apparently has issues. She still interacts with him weekly on text and helps him rent his condo ect, and she said she should hate him, but still does chores for him like this. He lives 1000 miles away so there is no hanky panky. Another odd thing is that she has lost of single male friends and several doting on her all the time. They all belong to a bike club (road bikes) and even her last boyfriend goes with the group weekly. These are Lance Armstrong wannabes that will push themselves beyond the norm to the point they do physical damage to themselves, and have no life outside this adrenalin hardcore club. I met many of these guys and most are divorced, broke, shallow, self absorbed types, and I was different because I am fit too, musician, business owner and have a healthy bank account. She said she prefers the other type? I guess I fell into the wrong type o person to date but I had no idea she was so strange and hung up on "her type" being bike junkies that ride every sat/sun/wed for 100 miles. She said she does it to get the stress of her broken marriage and other issues a break. Seems boring and needing lots of breaks.

Posted

Hi Harvej, in short yes and yes to your questions. It doesn't need to be an disorder it can also be attachment issues (see for example attachment styles in adults) that can cause this kind of behaviour.

 

These things screw with your mind severely. The greatest thing about it is that if you tend to fall in love with such woman it is also worth to take a close look to yourself (kind of depressing as it means homework). With the right search-words you can find many many threads of bewildered people.

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