First date - he wants to split bill??

July 2, 2014

heat out = eat out

what's wrong with me today!

The Freud is strong with you today, is there something you want to tell me, Gaeta?

And, no. I was talking situations separate from this one.

Personally, I wouldn't have asked to split the bill in this particular case... in others, yes. Although, I have a distinct rule to NOT go to a restaurant on a first date. That's a whole different story altogether.

July 2, 2014

Right, it's not always the man who is expected to pay, it's whoever does the inviting.

But the man is always expected to do the inviting.

So basically the man is always expected to pay.

Logic doncha just love it

You can't keep changing the rules to whatever is convenient for you.

Oh yes they totally can. It still works doesn't it?

Edited July 2, 2014 by PegNosePete

July 2, 2014

I'm assuming the guy knew she had spent 30 on the paddle board?

Pickup the dinner @ 30 dollars and it's a 50-50 date.

Seems cheap. But I don't split bills ever either I pay or they pay.

Hypothetically he was too shy to ask how you were doing with the paddle board yet grew a set of cheap balls to ask you to pay for your own dinner?

July 2, 2014

I'm assuming the guy knew she had spent 30 on the paddle board?

Pickup the dinner @ 30 dollars and it's a 50-50 date.

Seems cheap. But I don't split bills ever either I pay or they pay.

Hypothetically he was too shy to ask how you were doing with the paddle board yet grew a set of cheap balls to ask you to pay for your own dinner?

Ugh, no wonder some of you don't have gfs. Dating is like an interview for a life's partner so if you want to make a point about feminism taking away your power then you completely missed the purpose of the date and lost the girl if she has any self respect. I am so glad I'm no longer dating. Men today act like they are put out by dating, it is somehow a chore, women have to act like men if they want to have equal rights, but the most successful people in dating like to treat each other special. Women wanting to be more than second hand citizens doesn't negate the fact that when you date, if you are looking for the future Mrs. And the mother of your children, you might actually want to make a good impression. You might actually want to be thoughtful and considerate by being fair and not suggesting activities where there is a huge out of pocket expense for her then splitting another bill. Any self respecting person, male or female, would think this is inconsiderate. This isn't a gender war people, this is dating, and if you keep seeing women as the enemy, you are never going to have a successful long term relationships. If you are just looking for sex, why bother dating anyway? Just go to a club and pick up drunk people.

July 2, 2014

I am so glad I'm no longer dating.

This isn't a gender war people, this is dating.

Got it. Sunk in. Getting advice about dating nowadays from someone who doesn't date nowadays.

July 2, 2014

On a first date and especially one this elaborate, bill splitting needs to be discussed beforehand since he made the plans and she had no idea how much anything was going to cost. I think splitting is fine for people OLD as long as they say so up front. Because you might meet at the restaurant and the 20-something hot blond edgy girl that's supposed to walk in the door is instead a 50-year-old grandmother who is hoping that since you're so close, it won't matter. Or she really thinks she still looks like that. Allowances have to be made for such things with OLD because it happens a lot.

I would go even further to say that whoever misrepresented themselves gets to pay and that's another agreement you can have up front that may work in your favor by getting the date cancelled and not having to have an awkward dinner with someone who is either delusional or a meal wh*re. And there's plenty meal wh*res out there just OLD for dinner who are then going to walk away unless they sense you will be good for further pawnable gifts.

July 2, 2014

Got it. Sunk in. Getting advice about dating nowadays from someone who doesn't date nowadays.

Would you take advice from someone learning to fix a car or someone who has already fixed it?

July 2, 2014

Thanks everyone for your input! It may make me sound shallow or whatever to be turned off on the fact that he didn’t even offer to pay the full bill, but he is the one that asked me out, and I would think he would have done that to try and impress me?? It shouldn’t be about money, but I think it is very kind, and gentlemen like to at least offer. I don’t think it was a matter of him not being interested either, because he clearly was, and was texting all night after our date…so I’m a little confused. Still deciding whether to give him another shot

July 2, 2014

Would you take advice from someone learning to fix a car or someone who has already fixed it?

I'd rather take advice from someone learning to fix a car the right way than someone who is a bad mechanic.

July 2, 2014

OP, I never paid for a date because the men I would want to date and build a life with actually like to pursue and be the man. I guess I like men who aren't distracted in dating by ideological ideas they only find on the internet. I liked men who actually like women too, not want to be in a war with them.

I wouldn't bother with this guy if you felt he was a cheap guy and inconsiderate. There are secure generous thoughtful men out there. I'm not going to live my life counting pennies just so some insecure Betas can feel secure about themselves due to a movement that they feel steals their power. I would want a pursuer, someone who thinks I'm worth it to treat on our first date then we can take turns if he is poor.

July 2, 2014

I'd rather take advice from someone learning to fix a car the right way than someone who is a bad mechanic.

I got the man of my dreams who treats me very well, as I do him, so I think I'm a very good mechanic. How long have you had a successful happy marriage?

July 2, 2014

When something like this shows up on a first date it says it all.

The part about splitting the restaurant bill isn't so bad but combined with him organizing a date around an activity he had nothing to disburse while you were to disburse $30 is the summit of cheapness.

I agree. I would have no issue with the restaurant bill, but the fact that he selected an activity he didn't have to pay for but that she did have to stump up to participate....not classy.

July 2, 2014

I have a paddle board too and have taken women out on it. It's like a poor man's boat. I really like it and made sure I got one just big enough for two. Even the shorter ones can probably take two. Should be no problem conversating on it. Sometimes I just swim or hold on to the board while in the water and she paddles.

Just talk with the guy. Not everybody does everything right all of the time.

July 2, 2014

I have a paddle board too and have taken women out on it. It's like a poor man's boat. I really like it and made sure I got one just big enough for two. Even the shorter ones can probably take two. Should be no problem conversating on it. Sometimes I just swim or hold on to the board while in the water and she paddles.

That's a much better idea. Not only is she surprised with an equipment rental cost on her date, but it means the two of you are interacting much more closely.

July 2, 2014

Thanks everyone for your input! It may make me sound shallow or whatever to be turned off on the fact that he didn’t even offer to pay the full bill, but he is the one that asked me out, and I would think he would have done that to try and impress me?? It shouldn’t be about money, but I think it is very kind, and gentlemen like to at least offer. I don’t think it was a matter of him not being interested either, because he clearly was, and was texting all night after our date…so I’m a little confused. Still deciding whether to give him another shot

So he texted afterwards....did he ask you out again?

July 2, 2014

The woman can't go into a date expecting anything when the man can't expect anything either. Kudos to the man for conducting the date as he saw fit.

Kudos for being selfish and inconsiderate? Well, I just hope that you would perceive a woman in the same way (ie as being applause worthy) if she were to arrange a date that the man then had to stump up to hire equipment for.

Edited July 2, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

July 2, 2014

Usually I always expect and can't help but not be disappointed if the guy doesn't treat you on the first date. I've never gone on a second date with a guy who had asked for money. I am a very generous person and always pay my way from the second date. I just think the first date should feel special and for some reason it includes him paying. It shouldn't but for me it does

July 2, 2014

If he asks you out again, tell him you can't afford to date now because you are on a tight budget and that last date used up all your dating funds for the month.

Or ask what he has planned for the date, then request an itemized breakdown of cost so you can decide of you want to go.

July 2, 2014

The woman can't go into a date expecting anything when the man can't expect anything either. Kudos to the man for conducting the date as he saw fit.

It's very simple. If a man invites me out on a date yes I expect him to pay. I will in return invite him out on the following date and it will be on me.

If he made the invite then he picked the activity and the restaurant then he picked them as per his budget. If he takes me to Ritz Carlton then he asks for a split bill he will get the surprise of his life. If I am to pay half, I want to pay half of what I can afford.

IF the man prefers to go dutch on his dates then I expect he will express so while he invites me. He makes the invite then goes: How about we don't make it complicated and we go dutch.... No problem for me.

Edited July 2, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

July 2, 2014

If he asks you out again, tell him you can't afford to date now because you are on a tight budget and that last date used up all your dating funds for the month.

Or ask what he has planned for the date, then request an itemized breakdown of cost so you can decide of you want to go.

Alternatively she could invite him for a meal at hers. Welcome him in "sorry it's a bit chilly in here, but I'm saving on heating bills. Feel free to warm your hands around that roaring tealight if you get too cold."

Then she serves up a meal of her choosing. "Now, I already had most of the herbs and spices in my cupboard, but I did have to buy the salmon and dill weed plus various other ingredients. I can show you the receipt in case you think I'm trying to cheat you. We'll reduce the amount on the receipt by £16 since that was spent on stuff I was going to by anyway. Thereafter that's £12 to be split between us. Also, cost of lighting and the roaring tea light you've had most of the benefit of this evening. We'll call that 5 pence, but I'm willing to round it down to 4p to make it splittable. That'll be £8 and 2p altogether please (taking into account labour costs of course)"

Edited July 2, 2014 by Taramere

July 2, 2014

Alternatively she could invite him for a meal at hers. Welcome him in "sorry it's a bit chilly in here, but I'm saving on heating bills. Feel free to warm your hands around that roaring tealight if you get too cold."

Then she serves up a meal of her choosing. "Now, I already had most of the herbs and spices in my cupboard, but I did have to buy the salmon and dill weed plus various other ingredients. I can show you the receipt in case you think I'm trying to cheat you. We'll reduce the amount on the receipt by £16 since that was spent on stuff I was going to by anyway. Thereafter that's £12 to be split between us. Also, cost of lighting and the roaring tea light you've had most of the benefit of this evening. We'll call that 5 pence, but I'm willing to round it down to 4p to make it splittable. That'll be £8 and 2p altogether please. "

Awesome. I feel the love in that scenario. That is equality and is certain that neither feels cheated on the costs.

July 2, 2014

First dates are really for getting to know someone. Did he ask if you would like to do that activity prior to the date? If so, I would have hoped he would have advised you that there would be a cost associated with it so you could prepare properly. If he did not, then that was selfish on his part to do an activity that he obviously likes enough to bring his own equipment, but not ask your opinion.

Same goes for dinner, if he knew you were to go dutch, he should have let you know in advance.

I guess I am old fashioned feminist, but if a man asks me on a date, I would expect him to pay for the first one. Doesnt matter if it cost him $3 over coffee or $30 over dinner. After that initial date, I dont mind doing my share of paying for dates in the future. If the tables were turned and I asked a man out for a date, of course I would pay for it with no questions asked, so its not just a gender thing. Its also a different story if you are going out as pals. If that was the case, I wouldn't expect they pay for me. It would be just like going out with a friend of mine. Out of niceness though, I have also been known to pick up the tab for a dinner and drinks out with a friend just to be nice.

First dates set the stage for future dates. In this instance, it was enough for you to question, so I'd think more about it before accepting the 2nd, or ask prior to the date what you were doing and how much money you should expect to spend.

July 2, 2014

It's very simple. If a man invites me out on a date yes I expect him to pay. I will in return invite him out on the following date and it will be on me.

If he made the invite then he picked the activity and the restaurant then he picked them as per his budget. If he takes me to Ritz Carlton then he asks for a split bill he will get the surprise of his life. If I am to pay half, I want to pay half of what I can afford.

IF the man prefers to go dutch on his dates then I expect he will express so while he invites me. He makes the invite then goes: How about we don't make it complicated and we go dutch.... No problem for me.

Gaeta, I believe what your saying about yourself is true. The problem is that your speaking for yourself. If I said the return invite almost never happens, I'm not just talking about one or two, I'm talking about 4 out of 5, or sometimes worse than that. And probably a universal ratio given the number of men that say the same thing. Women in general, don't ask men out, whether it be a 1st, 2nd, or 10th date.

July 2, 2014

Some men have this battle cry "you want equality, you got it". Thing is, not all women want to be treated like men. They want to be respected, which is a totally different matter.

Now, it's okay for a man to want to go dutch, if that's what you're into. It's also okay for a woman to say "no thanks", and look for a better fit.

July 2, 2014

It's very simple. If a man invites me out on a date yes I expect him to pay. I will in return invite him out on the following date and it will be on me.

If he made the invite then he picked the activity and the restaurant then he picked them as per his budget. If he takes me to Ritz Carlton then he asks for a split bill he will get the surprise of his life. If I am to pay half, I want to pay half of what I can afford.

IF the man prefers to go dutch on his dates then I expect he will express so while he invites me. He makes the invite then goes: How about we don't make it complicated and we go dutch.... No problem for me.

There are YOUR rules.

We can't be expected to abide by every person's individual rules.

Here's the problem, a lot of you expect the first date to be paid for by the man... but do you know how many times I've had a woman get all HUFFY and PUFFY and yell GIRL POWAH at the top of her lungs if I decide to pay for the round of drinks.

"Oh no no no no, I'm INDEPENDENTZ and I PAY MAH BILLZ."

So, we are stuck in an unusual limbo now.

Men were expected to pay on Date 1 in a time when men were sole breadwinners and women were homemakers. That dynamic has changed. We're supposed to guess what you are okay with and not okay with now?

This is why a lot of us set up inexpensive first dates.

But then, we're cheap, poor, broke, don't want to buy anything...

Can't win. No matter at what point of the dating era we are in, we can't win. Maybe we should just simplify things by going back to the 50's so that there will be absolutely no doubt and I don't have to keep guessing where I should be taking anyone and whether I'll get RAH RAH RAH or whether I'll be judged based on the venue...

Hey remember, when dinner and a movie used to be a first date too?

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First date - he wants to split bill??

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