First date - he wants to split bill??

[Newbie82]

So I went on a first date today, and have mixed feelings about it. First we went paddle boarding which was nice...Im new to it, so he made sure I was ok all the time etc. However, he didn't really ask much about me..maybe it was nerves?? As he seemed a little shy.

After that we went for dinner, and when the bill came (it was only $30), he asked to split it. Normally that would be ok, but I had to pay $30 earlier to rent the board..and he had his own, so he didn't.

Is it a sign that a guy is cheap if he doesn't at least offer to pay for the full bill? Hes the one that asked me out...

And he seems still interested, as he text me a couple hrs later saying he had a great time. Not sure if I should blow him off, or give him another chance??

[Potz4prez]

Would you really write off a guy just because he split the bill?

[Newbie82]

Well not necessarily just because of that...also the fact that he didn't ask much about me...

[Assasda]

Yeah, I'd be more worried about him not asking anything about you than any bill.

 

I saw, one more date

[GH3]

Eh, in my opinion if he invited YOU he should have at least warned you before. If he doesn't seem so exciting or into you AND if the bill thing bothers you so much: drop him. Maybe he has a reason for it though. Another shot at him is okay to be sure.

[deathandtaxes]

Is there a lot of opportunity to talk while paddleboarding?

 

 

I'd say the date should have ended with that, and not dinner. Give some time to elapse between one event and the next.

 

 

And if he said he had a great time but didn't set up a second date, he's not interested.

[NoMoreJerks]

If something like this bothers you, then you two are probably not suitable. It is unlikely for someone who started off like this, to get any "better." I don't like it when people are not generous. I am a generous person, so for me it's a big turnoff when someone makes calculations down to the penny on a date that is supposed to be about getting to know each other (or on subsequent dates that are supposed to be romantic). Heck, money talk bothers me so much that I'd prefer to pay it all myself, than to haggle over how much I owe and how much he owes, etc.

 

At any rate, give him a second chance, I suppose, and if you two click in other ways, then maybe this is only a secondary thing that you might learn to ignore. But if this is something that you're going to fret about, then I don't see what giving him a second chance will do. If he did not pay for both of you on the first date, he probably never will, IMO.

[SleeplessIn]

I think you're the petty one for moaning over $15. Are you that poor??

 

It was a $15 date for HIM ... it was a $45 date for HER, and he's the one who asked her out.

[Smilecharmer]

Since he had his own paddle board but you had to rent yours, I wonder if he took that into consideration, especially if he was the one to ask. It sounds like he didn't. I wouldn't be interested in someone who isn't considerate especially if he asked you to paddle board and then forgot to mention you have to pay thirty dollars to rent a board. Not a great first date impression. If I asked a guy to do something he had to rent something for that would be the same, inconsiderate...for all those who make everything a gender war.

[SoPeachy]

Sorry but personally I wouldn't see him again. Or I would but in the friendzone. It is not about the money but overall he did not putting enough effort into this date. You said he is shy, but not shy enough to ask you if you can split the bill.

[Art_Critic]

He didn't split the cost of the paddle board, cheapo....

 

This is what they call a glimpse into the future with this guy... not that it is all that bad as it's his right to be cheap but honestly in this case it isn't about splitting it even.. if it was then he should have paid half for the paddle board...

[readynow]

To ask you to split the bill is definitely cheap and ungentlemanly in my opinion.

 

Did he not see that you rented the board when he already had his? Selfish too.

 

He seems the sort that'll let you borrow money for your half of the rent on a really low month while he had plenty of cash in his account.

 

Avoid!

[sillyanswer]

Not sure if I should blow him off, or give him another chance??

 

I don't think he did anything wrong, but if it bothers you then walk away and look for someone who dates like you want them to date.

[d0nnivain]

Money is a hot button issue for many. It's hard on men to always have to pick up the check.

 

Doing two activities for a 1st date seems like more of a time investment than I am used to seeing / reading on these boards. That is a positive sign IMO.

 

If everything else about the date went OK, don't quibble over the money this early. I was not pleased with the restaurant where my now husband took me on our 1st date. Ironically he thought it it was a good middle of the road place for a 1st date; I thought it was a dump. As you get to know someone it's easier to talk about $$

 

If there were other things that were off putting, then the $$ was just one more nail in the coffin.

[Diezel]

To ask you to split the bill is definitely cheap and ungentlemanly in my opinion.

 

 

Feminism at its finest, everyone.

"We want equality! He asked me to split the bill!"

 

Let's make up our minds here.

I get it, she spent a lot more than he did. But who is to say that he might not pick up the whole check next time?

 

Also, I never really ask questions on dates, I get the information as the conversation evolves organically.

[Gaeta]

When something like this shows up on a first date it says it all.

 

The part about splitting the restaurant bill isn't so bad but combined with him organizing a date around an activity he had nothing to disburse while you were to disburse $30 is the summit of cheapness.

 

Reminds me of this guy who invited me to a theater play. When we got there he put me in line to pay. He said he hoped I had $15 on me it was how much it cost to go in. Then he said 'see you inside I have a season pass'. I decided to let it slide and saw him again. He turned out to be a really really cheap idiot. He would ask the waitress at restaurant to split the bill she he didn't have to pay my $6 soup.

[Gaeta]

 

I get it, she spent a lot more than he did. But who is to say that he might not pick up the whole check next time?

 

Also, I never really ask questions on dates, I get the information as the conversation evolves organically.

 

He invited her out = He pays

 

If he wanted to go dutch then he had to say so before the date

 

You only got 1 chance at making a good impression on a first date = he failed.

[carhill]

And he seems still interested, as he text me a couple hrs later saying he had a great time. Not sure if I should blow him off, or give him another chance??

 

Considering all the factors, and that he didn't ask you out on another date, either in-person, as this seemed like a pretty long date for a first date, or later, in his text, I'd move on.

 

If a lesson is to be learned, the next time you get asked out on an activity date, settle the equipment details and feel positive about that settlement *before* going on the date, with the emphasis on feeling positive. If the cost borne by one feels 'off', go with that and decline or make another suggestion. Good luck!

[Poppygoodwill]

I think generally that the one who invites shoudl be prepared to pay, at least at first. But for a first date, the woman should at least offer to pay but he should swiftly decline and pay himself.

 

But he might not know that, or he might not have been raised to believe you pay for the woman.

 

Give him another chance.

[the tank]

Maybe he was not interest. Last first date I went to restaurant because the girl ask to (I usually do cheap first date). The girl was not a good match for me, I ask to split . If she was , I would have pay.

[Diezel]

He invited her out = He pays.

 

We don't live in that world anymore.

 

Sorry, but that's just how it is. Women advocated for equality, but yet, the case of a woman asking a man out first is still relatively rare.

 

So, even if a woman makes the first move to talk to a guy, we are still expected to invite first... to what could potentially be a bad first date, and we are still always expected to foot the bill just because we invited?

 

Then women wonder why more men are doing coffee dates on the first date and "free" dates... while claiming, WHY CANT THEY DO SOMETHING MORE ORIGINAL OR EXCITING.

 

This is what we've been herded towards.

 

You can't keep changing the rules to whatever is convenient for you.

[Gaeta]

Wrong. He brought his own paddle board. Paddle boards cost anywhere from $500 and upwards. Therefore, he actually spent more than her.

 

 

 

It's like you ask your date to pay the parking $20 because after all you paid the car $40K.

Edited July 2, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Gaeta]

We don't live in that world anymore.

 

Sorry, but that's just how it is. Women advocated for equality, but yet, the case of a woman asking a man out first is still relatively rare.

 

So, even if a woman makes the first move to talk to a guy, we are still expected to invite first... to what could potentially be a bad first date, and we are still always expected to foot the bill just because we invited?

 

Then women wonder why more men are doing coffee dates on the first date and "free" dates... while claiming, WHY CANT THEY DO SOMETHING MORE ORIGINAL OR EXCITING.

 

This is what we've been herded towards.

 

You can't keep changing the rules to whatever is convenient for you.

 

I never ever accept a restaurant invite for a first date exactly because I feel bad about men having to pay the bill when there might not even be a second date.

 

If he invites me to a restaurant on a 2nd or 3rd date yes I expect he invites he pays. The following date will be on me and I will insist.

 

In this case here, their date was pedal boating. He made the invite to that type of activity because he already owns the equipment, you think it's fair he did not help her pay the $30 to that activity? Did he warn her ahead of time there would be a $30 fee to that activity?

 

Then HE wants to heat out. She has already paid $30 on an activity HE picked and that he did not help her with and now he wants her to pay $15 to accompany him to a restaurant.

 

That's not splitting in the middle.

[MoooOinkBaaa]

He should of kept the date cheap. The focus of the date has turned to money. He could of met you at a cafe or taken you on a picnic in the park or hung out at his place and watched a movie, to keep expenses low or even non-existent. Then, instead of the focus being on who's providing for whom, it can just be on him and you, which is what the focus should've always been on from the start anyway.

 

I think he was right to split the bill. Lovers treat each other as equals – it's only the providers who seek to throw money and resources at women. By splitting the bill – by each of you paying your fair share – you communicate to her that the two of you are equals and are on the same ground. This is much more conducive to setting up a romantic and sexual relationship than the man who tries to "buy" a woman's attraction with dinner or gifts.

 

It's important above all that you keep things casual and inexpensive and the focus off the date itself and any monetary aspect of it and rather instead on the daters: you and him.

[Gaeta]

heat out = eat out

 

what's wrong with me today!