Diezel Posted July 2, 2014 Posted July 2, 2014 Women putting up bathroom reveling pictures aren't dating material as well as men with bathroom pictures. I also message those women (Without expecting a response)... "Nice! Is that a Kohler Highline Classic in the background!?" Sometimes I have too much time on my hands. 4
PegNosePete Posted July 2, 2014 Posted July 2, 2014 She rejects men that would be a good fit for her and would treat her will in pursuit of the men that look the hottest but are clearly not relationship materiel, but she will fix them right!?!?! Ya cos that never happens in the real world does it!!!
Keenly Posted July 2, 2014 Posted July 2, 2014 Ya cos that never happens in the real world does it!!! Good thing we aren't talking about the real world.
Gaeta Posted July 2, 2014 Posted July 2, 2014 For me the hardest part is the lack of " genuineness " that infects the entire process. I can only speak for women, because I don't interact with men, but the women just can't seem to be honest, about anything. There is this fake wall up, and its a fake wall of stuck upness too. Being discarded on a whim is kind of annoying too. I think OLD knocks the balance of power in the dating world FAR into the woman's favor, being the sole message receiver, and it makes her think she is a better catch, and is worth more than perhaps she really is. She rejects men that would be a good fit for her and would treat her will in pursuit of the men that look the hottest but are clearly not relationship materiel, but she will fix them right!?!?! So, in short, the biggest problem for me is I'll be me, I'll have a pleasant conversation and take you out for drinks and dinner and dates and stuff, but you have to be you and most importantly be OPEN. I'm not going to dance like a trained monkey to try extra hard to impress you, that's not who I am. Your biggest problem is all the other men have screwed it up for you. Women have to deal with a lot of crap on there and comes a time we are so fed up it's just easier to dump the guy on a hunch than again go through a miserable experience. I got so fed up to be approached for the wrong reasons that I automatically dump a man that gives me a compliment on anything that is blow my chin. Even a man telling me 'I look in good shape' turns me off. So yes, other men ruined it for you, sorry.
sillyanswer Posted July 2, 2014 Posted July 2, 2014 In your opinion, what is the hardest part about online dating? I've thought about what constitutes "hardest" when considering some of my frustrations with online dating, and I think the hardest part is finding someone I want to write to where I'm also within the parameters of what she says she's looking for (assuming she gives any clues) given that this is the most time consuming part for me.
Diezel Posted July 2, 2014 Posted July 2, 2014 I once made a fake female profile, to gain some perspective. I barely put up 3-4 pictures and a well thought out profile and I kid you not, I had 17 emails in the first 5 minutes. Not only that but in my very last sentence, I added "Mention HEART in your first sentence, so I know you read my profile at least!" Out of about 90 emails, I read 2 HEARTS. Perspective gained. Ever since then, I take the non-responses to heart, try to feed off of the profile information, and just use it as a side way of meeting women. 1
the tank Posted July 2, 2014 Posted July 2, 2014 The hardest part in my opinion is the girls who think they need to have instant attraction. They are just not patient. Getting date is not difficult if you live in a big city. 1
Priv Posted July 2, 2014 Posted July 2, 2014 1. Men only interested in hooking up 2. Not showing up at dates (happened 3 times this week) 3. Fading away after sex Wooooah. You got stood up 3 times this week! Is that a fluke or a regular thing. Did you ask for a phone number beforehand so you can them to ask WTF. Also, don´t do OLD yet. But I would guess picking nice photographs. Going to make a thread about which pictures to put on when I am going to make a profile.
Gaeta Posted July 2, 2014 Posted July 2, 2014 Wooooah. You got stood up 3 times this week! Is that a fluke or a regular thing. Did you ask for a phone number beforehand so you can them to ask WTF. Also, don´t do OLD yet. But I would guess picking nice photographs. Going to make a thread about which pictures to put on when I am going to make a profile. It's unusual, I was wondering if it's because it's summer and lots of players online. The 3 of them faded the same way. We stay connected online/phone for a couple of days, we arrange a date, we decide to confirm again the day of the date and on the day of the date they don't confirm or don't get back to me when I am the one doing the confirming. Flakes.
d0nnivain Posted July 2, 2014 Posted July 2, 2014 I once made a fake female profile, to gain some perspective. I barely put up 3-4 pictures and a well thought out profile and I kid you not, I had 17 emails in the first 5 minutes. Not only that but in my very last sentence, I added "Mention HEART in your first sentence, so I know you read my profile at least!" Out of about 90 emails, I read 2 HEARTS. Perspective gained. Ever since then, I take the non-responses to heart, try to feed off of the profile information, and just use it as a side way of meeting women. WOW. That does explain a lot. It was one of the things that turned me off about OLD but I actually thought the people who didn't follow directions made it easier -- I knew imemdiately we weren't a good fit.
Author Armegoggon Posted July 2, 2014 Author Posted July 2, 2014 I have tried OLD sporadically throughout the years and never received a reply to any of my messages. The last time I tried was about a month ago. I think it's mainly because I look really bad in all my pictures and my personality doesn't really come out. Yeah I know how it feels. Women have different expectations from a guy online than in real life eh?
somedude81 Posted July 2, 2014 Posted July 2, 2014 Getting responses is all about having a good profile with good photos. If you have both of them then getting responses is very easy. That is the hardest part: creating a good profile and getting good photos that make you attractive and interesting, and elicit responses or initial contacts from people you are interested in. Sadly most people fail dismally at that, and become bitter and jaded and turn into the "OLD sucks" crowd that is very prevalent on this and other forums. It doesn't suck, it's just a tool. Up to you how you use it. Chances are, if you're not getting replies, your profile or photos SUCK. Almost everyone thinks their profile is good but in reality very few are. For some reason, getting good photos of my self is super hard. I think I only look good in a couple of photos that were taken of me in the past couple of years, and most likely the only reason I look good is because I have my arm around my ex. BTW, OLD still sucks. Men have to have a great profile and photos. Women have to have a profile. Text and photos are optional
somedude81 Posted July 2, 2014 Posted July 2, 2014 Being discarded on a whim is kind of annoying too. I think OLD knocks the balance of power in the dating world FAR into the woman's favor, being the sole message receiver, and it makes her think she is a better catch, and is worth more than perhaps she really is. Keenly, OLD is essentially a man catalog. All we are is items to be selected by women. Sure we can send messages (advertisements) to them to try and get their attention, but those messages fail 99% of the time. If a woman was smart, she would never read any unsolicited message she received, and just message men she was interested in.
Priv Posted July 2, 2014 Posted July 2, 2014 Keenly, OLD is essentially a man catalog. All we are is items to be selected by women. Sure we can send messages (advertisements) to them to try and get their attention, but those messages fail 99% of the time. If a woman was smart, she would never read any unsolicited message she received, and just message men she was interested in. You do realise noone is forcing you to do it
sillyanswer Posted July 2, 2014 Posted July 2, 2014 If a woman was smart, she would never read any unsolicited message she received, and just message men she was interested in. As far as I can tell the women are just as bad at choosing which men to write to as the men are bad at choosing which women to write to.
kodakgirl Posted July 2, 2014 Posted July 2, 2014 Keenly, OLD is essentially a man catalog. All we are is items to be selected by women. Sure we can send messages (advertisements) to them to try and get their attention, but those messages fail 99% of the time. I agree it can feel like a catalogue--for women, too. You're on offer along with thousands of other women (or men), and all you get to show you're different is a picture and a blurb. You're constantly compared to everyone else, mostly off of superficial qualities. Of course in life there's allllllways someone prettier, or more generous, or more fun, but you don't generally get to meet (or have the potential to meet) all the pretty, fun, generous single folks at once and compare and contrast. And of course, done this way, everyone ends up looking lacking. Now of course anyone who's done online dating (male OR female) will immediately say, yeah, but just because they're there doesn't mean you can GET them. Yes, absolutely. Really it's less like Amazon and more like eBay-- you can't click "add to cart", you can only click "place bid." But still the illusion of choice is dazzling and insidious. You can place as many bids as you want, on all the best "items." If you don't get one, or fifty, you can try with another one or fifty. Even if you win something, if you aren't 100% happy with it, you can send it back, there's always more on offer. Is this how everyone does it? No. There ARE people--male and female-- who approach OLD more like real life-- see the people as people, individuals, worthwhile on their own terms, who aren't constantly in search of some impossible "best deal." But the market aspect seems to be seductive, even to people who are otherwise genuine. It's an illusion of unlimited choice rather than actual choice, but illusions are inherently deceptive. We're used to being consumers and OLD consumerizes dating. We're used to malls and supermarkets where we can get anything-- we aren't used to making do with the couple things at hand, especially if they aren't as cheap as we feel we could get elsewhere. The end result seems to be a division between the people who feel they have unlimited choice and the people who don't. This isn't strictly male-female, either, though it probably isn't an equal divide on both sides. The people who feel they have choice become reluctant to get offline, even for a good deal-- if they can get a good deal, maybe they can get a BETTER deal! Or if it doesn't work out right away, well, there's thousands more where they came from, right? Next! (not, of course, saying that you shouldn't 'next' jerks without a second thought!). Then the people who feel they don't have choice get jaded.... they either go into scattershot mode and message as many people as possible in hope for just oooooone hit--not matter how incompatible that hit might be-- or they despair and see the fault in themselves for constantly being passed over (or both). None of this is at all conducive to finding genuine connections. There are definitely success stories from OLD, lots of them, but something I find interesting is how often they met within the first few days of one of the couple being online. It seems like the longer people are there, the more they slide into one camp or the other, which in turn makes finding something harder. Of course some people aren't affected at all-- they go on with their lives, keeping it around as a tool while also meeting people naturally. That's awesome. But it's hard not to be affected at all. Anyway that is my rant. I haven't had an especially sucky experience online, not compared to lots of people-- every date I've been on has been nice, good conversation with a totally decent guy (usually no chemistry though, although I've always felt willing to go on a second date if he'd ask). I never get creepy pervy messages, nor do I get no messages. I get lots of non-responses to my messages but I do sometimes get responses from fellows who interest me. I very nearly fell in love with a fellow I met online. But still I'm hating it more and more. I feel it causes people to lose sight of people as people, and makes it ever harder to find that 'special someone' by making everyone look less special. 1
katinlc Posted July 2, 2014 Posted July 2, 2014 In your opinion, what is the hardest part about online dating? ALL OF IT Trying to find someone that is looking for the same thing as you, at least somewhat shares your beliefs, and is halfway attractive is a hard combo (of course it's the same in real life dating) Trying to talk to multiple people so you are not too invested in one person, so you won't get upset when someone flakes. Trying not to get "played" by a player who just wants sex, but assures you he is looking for something long-term with the right person. Right now, I've been back online since the end of March, am I finding it hard to stay optimistic and remember why I am on these sites. It is easy to get jaded really quickly and write someone off before you even meet them and I have to remind myself not to do that and stay positive.
Daisydance Posted July 2, 2014 Posted July 2, 2014 Being nothing like I imagined at all. Not turning up or suggesting something disgusting just beforehand. Having a great first and second date then never hearing from them again. I'd say the most annoying is when you go to any kind of effort to discover in 10 mins over my dead body would I date this person and being all dressed up with nowhere to go
Keenly Posted July 2, 2014 Posted July 2, 2014 Your biggest problem is all the other men have screwed it up for you. Women have to deal with a lot of crap on there and comes a time we are so fed up it's just easier to dump the guy on a hunch than again go through a miserable experience. I got so fed up to be approached for the wrong reasons that I automatically dump a man that gives me a compliment on anything that is blow my chin. Even a man telling me 'I look in good shape' turns me off. So yes, other men ruined it for you, sorry. That really sucks in their case, because they would be the ones to miss out on a good, loyal boyfriend.
Keenly Posted July 2, 2014 Posted July 2, 2014 Keenly, OLD is essentially a man catalog. All we are is items to be selected by women. Sure we can send messages (advertisements) to them to try and get their attention, but those messages fail 99% of the time. If a woman was smart, she would never read any unsolicited message she received, and just message men she was interested in. The stupid thing about this man catalog is if they could get a look into truly who I am as a person and not just my picture and a paragraph, I'd have SO much more success. I know for a fact I have desirable attributes and personality traits. They just can't be listed in a profile because they are actions and behaviors, not words. 1
jay1983 Posted July 2, 2014 Posted July 2, 2014 (edited) The stupid thing about this man catalog is if they could get a look into truly who I am as a person and not just my picture and a paragraph, I'd have SO much more success. I know for a fact I have desirable attributes and personality traits. They just can't be listed in a profile because they are actions and behaviors, not words. They don't care about who you are as a person, just what you look like. You think it's a coincidence girls are getting hurt left to right. Edited July 2, 2014 by jay1983 2
Baller25 Posted July 2, 2014 Posted July 2, 2014 Yeah I know how it feels. Women have different expectations from a guy online than in real life eh? Yeah. There are many girls with expectations that go from 'guy next door' to super successful, handsome, fashionably dressed city type as soon as they look at the catalogue of profiles. Of course that would be okay is she was a scarlett johansson as well, but they hardly ever are. For some reason, getting good photos of my self is super hard. I think I only look good in a couple of photos that were taken of me in the past couple of years, and most likely the only reason I look good is because I have my arm around my ex. BTW, OLD still sucks. Men have to have a great profile and photos. Women have to have a profile. Text and photos are optional No. If a girl has no text then she's only going to get the wrong kind of attention. Even guys that are looking for a potential gf are going to see her differently. Is it really that difficult for you to get a few good photos? As a last resort you could hire a photographer to take some good photos of you around and about, like model portraits but ask him not to make it look too professional. I'd say the most annoying is when you go to any kind of effort to discover in 10 mins over my dead body would I date this person and being all dressed up with nowhere to go Same goes for us guys. I hate it when I dress up well, blazer and skinny chinos freshly pressed, 20 minutes on my hair, 10 minutes to get my pocket square just right, shoes shined and car taken to the car wash, only to have my date show up in sweats.
normal person Posted July 2, 2014 Posted July 2, 2014 They don't care about who you are as a person, just what you look like. You think it's a coincidence girls are getting hurt left to right. I don't know if it's just looks -- I think he's right in suggesting that OLD favors the people who look good on paper in general. Be it looks, education, income, humor, whatever it is that can be displayed. However if all your stock is in your "less visible" qualities than yes, I imagine OLD is quite difficult, especially if you have a hard time writing or describing yourself. Women can narrow their search to guys who make $150k+ but they can't narrow the search to "guys who will help me do the dishes." Solution: find an interesting way to display the more hidden qualities that you have. Are you handy? Get a picture of you fixing a carburetor. Are you selfless? Get a picture of you volunteering. On the other hand, the other thing to consider is that a lot of people think they're a lot "better" than they actually are. In a cruel way, the market will oftentimes determine your value regardless of your own idealizations about yourself. Maybe you think you're great because you can fix a carburetor but it might not matter if you can't spell and it's a car you stole. Extreme example but you see what I mean.
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