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Can it be true when guys don't want relationships/want to focus on their career?

h0000

By h0000
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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Elle1975 Established Member

Elle1975

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I dated this guy for a month..I know,just a month...but things went extremely well and it really hurts now. We weren't just fooling around and he actually cared to call me,text me and see me everyday. (When he doesn't have time he would still manage to see me for 2 hours) He told me how much he likes me, how much we have in common and an hour before he broke up with me, we were talking about visiting his family!

The only thing is..he is very stressed and insecure about his work and money and study and he is highly likely to move away in a month due to his job. But once he said "I want to be your bf but you need to give me a month to sort out my life" and I said "ok,I will wait for you."

So completely out of blue he says he needs to end it when it's still early,because he's in a major cross road in his life and he can't distract himself anymore. And I'm so nice that I deserve more commitment which he cant give..

He said sorry but he's given up following his heart. He didn't want to do this but he needed to just for himself.

 

I mean, I don't know what to do and how to feel...Disappointed? Pity? Can I even believe him?

He is such a nice guy and I actually dont want to let him go...but I guess I have no other options..

 

I am signed up for Anatomy in September, as well as another heavy class. I won't date anyone if it gets in the way of my GPA (4.0)

I have 2 classes to go and I enter my program of choice.

 

I followed my heart before, traveled a lot, now it's me time. Not in a selfish way, just in a "I'm 40 and I want a career" kind of way.

 

So yeah, could be true.

Glinda.Good Established Member

Glinda.Good

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So I just need to know is this merely an excuse (I got played. He actually lost interest) or he is honest?

I feel I need to get an answer...

 

I don't think there is any "getting played" in this situation.

 

He may have lost interest.

 

What it sounds like to me is that he liked you, wanted to spend time with you, and during the month he started realizing that a relationship was not what he needed right now, so he ended things.

 

A month is just the beginning of the "getting to know you" phase, and things can go any which way during that time.

 

I know you feel bad, but it's time to let this one go.

Leigh 87 Established Member

Leigh 87

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If I'm crazy about someone I would not let being busy stop me from aantjngta relationship.

 

I would want to be with them in the rare spare time I had.

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h0000 Established Member

h0000

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You guys will not believe it ..so yeah I took some of your guys' brutal advices and decided his career is not the reason..and now I finally found out the real reason: his ex!!!

Jesus it's a nightmare !

He told me him and his ex has been on and off for four years. She always loves him and wants to marry him.Lots of time they werent in the same city so when they were ,they saw each other but when they weren't , he also had fallen for other women.So he broke up with her saying he loves her but not In love wih her.

After he got together with me, he told me he chose me and has told his ex that he will not be back anymore. However a week after..he broke up wih me and he decided to give her another chance and see if it will work out this time...she's taking everything to move to our city to be with him and they will live together..

I'm devastated ..completely didn't see this coming..

So this is how true love suppose to be like? He really loves her? Is it gonna work out for them? And I don't have a chance anymore?

Elle1975 Established Member

Elle1975

Posted
Posted
You guys will not believe it ..so yeah I took some of your guys' brutal advices and decided his career is not the reason..and now I finally found out the real reason: his ex!!!

Jesus it's a nightmare !

He told me him and his ex has been on and off for four years. She always loves him and wants to marry him.Lots of time they werent in the same city so when they were ,they saw each other but when they weren't , he also had fallen for other women.So he broke up with her saying he loves her but not In love wih her.

After he got together with me, he told me he chose me and has told his ex that he will not be back anymore. However a week after..he broke up wih me and he decided to give her another chance and see if it will work out this time...she's taking everything to move to our city to be with him and they will live together..

I'm devastated ..completely didn't see this coming..

So this is how true love suppose to be like? He really loves her? Is it gonna work out for them? And I don't have a chance anymore?

 

Sorry to hear that.

 

To answer your question, why would you accept to be treated like a second choice?

 

As for the other questions.. Hell I don't know how he feels about her, but surely strongly enough to break things up with you and move in with her.

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h0000 Established Member

h0000

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oh yeah one month and four years cant compare. I hate him so much at this point and I wish everything that their relationship burn to hell.

he told me she's been trying for months and he is pretty reluctant.. and all of a sudden he wanted to give her a chance again. he's moving and i won't be moving (at least for now) but she is already getting all her **** ready to move for him.

Edited by h0000
sugarlove Established Member

sugarlove

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I honestly think a month is hardly enough time to fall in love... why are you so angry? It's better he ended this now then to lead you on... :confused::(

 

I dated this guy 2 months after my breakup, thinking I've moved on. But instead being with him made me feel even more not ready. So I ended it.. but I told him the truth so perhaps that makes all the difference and we are still good friends.

 

Regardless, don't wait.

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h0000 Established Member

h0000

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I honestly think a month is hardly enough time to fall in love... why are you so angry? It's better he ended this now then to lead you on... :confused::(

 

I dated this guy 2 months after my breakup, thinking I've moved on. But instead being with him made me feel even more not ready. So I ended it.. but I told him the truth so perhaps that makes all the difference and we are still good friends.

 

Regardless, don't wait.

of course I am angry cuz he played with my emotions.Let me ask you, did you chase up this guy and get very hot with him? call/text/see him everyday? Did you tell him from the start that you no longer have passion with your ex? Did you tell him you chose to be with him and will not go back to your ex a week before you ended things ?

All these little things make a whole lot of difference.

sugarlove Established Member

sugarlove

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No, the new guy chased me despite me telling him about the possibility he might be a rebound. I was honest from the start. He does all the things that guys who chase girls do.. but I also know that it'll not be real love if he falls for me in a month so it's fair for him if I tell him it won't work out.

 

If I'm back with my ex (God forbid), he should feel I was honest enough to break it off and not two-time him. I understand you feel hurt and rejected. But it's part of growing up and learning how not to fall in love so fast next time. You'll get better and feel better... don't worry about if there is a chance or not, we can't say for sure what happens tomorrow.

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h0000 Established Member

h0000

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I am probably not in love..i hope im not! its just...yesterday,or maybe till now I still think he is such a good man when those memories come up..and it's stopping me from moving on..

Am I stupid? I just hope someone can tell me he is not so good,that he doesn't love anyone,or he is never committed..or whatever..help me see what i cant see cuz I'm blinded by.."love"

Glinda.Good Established Member

Glinda.Good

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Honestly, no one can tell you that - and you don't know yourself. You were just starting to go out with him.

 

I understand how you feel, but if you put some effort into distancing yourself from those feelings they will fade quickly.

David87 Established Member

David87

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I am probably not in love..i hope im not! its just...yesterday,or maybe till now I still think he is such a good man when those memories come up..and it's stopping me from moving on..

Am I stupid? I just hope someone can tell me he is not so good,that he doesn't love anyone,or he is never committed..or whatever..help me see what i cant see cuz I'm blinded by.."love"

 

He doesnt care about you, he doesn't love you, he doesnt want you because if he did you wouldn't be on a forum asking strangers for advice :) ok?

 

He moved on ages ago, its time you do the same .

littleplanet Established Member

littleplanet

Posted
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I am probably not in love..i hope im not! its just...yesterday,or maybe till now I still think he is such a good man when those memories come up..and it's stopping me from moving on..

Am I stupid? I just hope someone can tell me he is not so good,that he doesn't love anyone,or he is never committed..or whatever..help me see what i cant see cuz I'm blinded by.."love"

 

 

True love, real love......doesn't happen in a month, OP.

And it doesn't happen with someone who is distracted with someone else.

 

You feel what you feel. Sure.

But you'll find out soon enough it's not a life's duration.

 

You might consider that you're actually lucky to have had this happen so soon.

It always sucks to be dumped. But that's just life.

One of those hard lessons at the time.....but it will serve you well if you're smart enough to learn from it.

Let him go.

 

Who knows? You may find yourself in a situation one day where you don't have time for romance, because of other commitments.

But that doesn't last forever.

Most people get that job done when the time is right.

sugarlove Established Member

sugarlove

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I am probably not in love..i hope im not! its just...yesterday,or maybe till now I still think he is such a good man when those memories come up..and it's stopping me from moving on..

Am I stupid? I just hope someone can tell me he is not so good,that he doesn't love anyone,or he is never committed..or whatever..help me see what i cant see cuz I'm blinded by.."love"

 

Yes, you are being very silly. He is not so good, he doesn't love anyone, he is never committed. You are blinded by "infatuation" which is not love. End of the day, he is not ready, be it study, work or past exes. If someone said he is not ready, he is not ready. Nothing you convince yourself will change it otherwise.

Edited by sugarlove
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