diamond1969 Posted July 2, 2014 Posted July 2, 2014 I have a question. I dated a woman for 8 months. We fell for each other fairly fast. She told me she loved me after a month of dating and I reciprocated. I'm 44, single, never married. I work in IT. She is 42, single, never married. She's very pretty and was an ex-model and bartender before I met her. We met at our current work. Fairly early on, she told me that she had several relationships with men that have either abused her, cheated on her or generally did not treat her right. Her longest relationship was 5 years and she hasn't had a relationship longer than 1 year for the last 10 years. Over time it became apparent that she didn't trust me. Often she would ask me for details if I mentioned a woman who I was with, be it work, a friend or a social gathering. I would always try to be open with her about anything when she asked, but sometimes it seemed it wasn't enough. She also has a father who is a retired police officer who taught her to always be on her guard. She consistently told me over these 8 months that I was the best boyfriend she has ever had and I constantly gave her attention. I bought her gifts, took her away for Valentine's day, always thought of her and put her first. I also noticed that she was very sensitive to certain things and always watched what I would say to her so that I wouldn't upset her, especially when it came to other women. One night, I couldn't sleep so I decided to look through some of her photos that were sitting on the shelf. I was in her condo in her living room and she was in the bedroom. It was 3:30 in the morning. She opened the door to come out of the room to get a glass of water. I quickly hid the pictures under my pillow because I thought she might think it was snooping. Unfortunately, she saw this, didn't say anything, and asked me if I was okay. I said I was, still hiding what was under the pillow. She left it at that and went back to bed. The next morning she confronted me and asked me what was under the pillows. I immediately told her the truth, that they were photos, and that I was worried what she would think. She said that it's okay for me to look at anything on her shelf and that she felt that she can do the same at my place. I apologized and thought that was the end of it. 4 days later, she sent me an email at work, basically saying that she didn't believe me, that what was under the pillow was to small to be pictures and that my reaction when she saw me was too extreme. She felt uncomfortable about the whole situation and wanted to take a "step back at this point". Later, on the phone, she asked me why I had my cell phone in my hand and dropped it when she came out of the room, wondering if I may have been taking pictures of what was under the pillow. I couldn't give her a good answer because I didn't remember. She then said "I've got to go" and hung up. During those 4 days, a friend of hers, who I met only twice, wanted to friend me on Facebook. I denied the first request ("Not now"), but it came back. I wasn't sure if Facebook did this or she was sending the friend request again. I thought this may not be a good idea while I was having issues with my girlfriend, so I decided to message her through Facebook on the night that I received that email. I told her "thanks but my girlfriend and I are having some issues and I feel uncomfortable friending you at this time. If we resolve these issues, I'll absolutely accept your friend request." The next day, my girlfriend phoned me at work and told me sending a private message to her friend is unacceptable. I didn't have the decency to text my girlfriend that I communicated with her friend privately. It was the "nail in the coffin". I said I wanted to wait until we were together before I brought it up because it was an important discussion, which she didn't agree with. She broke up with me over the phone calling my actions "secretive" and "shady" and that I was untrustworthy. The next day I texted her and apologized for what I did. She said that my actions would damage any relationship and that she was always an open book and deserved the same in return. My question: Did I deserve to be dumped? ps. This relationship is over. I know it. I just want to learn from it.
d0nnivain Posted July 2, 2014 Posted July 2, 2014 You got dumped for sending the most above board, good BF, resisting temptation message in the history of FB? Be happy this crazy women is out of your life. 1
Keenly Posted July 2, 2014 Posted July 2, 2014 This woman is clearly an idiot, and this is why she is single in her almost mid 40's . You are very lucky, this woman would have chained you up in the basement. 2
Elle1975 Posted July 2, 2014 Posted July 2, 2014 I have a question. I dated a woman for 8 months. We fell for each other fairly fast. She told me she loved me after a month of dating and I reciprocated. I'm 44, single, never married. I work in IT. She is 42, single, never married. She's very pretty and was an ex-model and bartender before I met her. We met at our current work. Fairly early on, she told me that she had several relationships with men that have either abused her, cheated on her or generally did not treat her right. Her longest relationship was 5 years and she hasn't had a relationship longer than 1 year for the last 10 years. Over time it became apparent that she didn't trust me. Often she would ask me for details if I mentioned a woman who I was with, be it work, a friend or a social gathering. I would always try to be open with her about anything when she asked, but sometimes it seemed it wasn't enough. She also has a father who is a retired police officer who taught her to always be on her guard. She consistently told me over these 8 months that I was the best boyfriend she has ever had and I constantly gave her attention. I bought her gifts, took her away for Valentine's day, always thought of her and put her first. I also noticed that she was very sensitive to certain things and always watched what I would say to her so that I wouldn't upset her, especially when it came to other women. One night, I couldn't sleep so I decided to look through some of her photos that were sitting on the shelf. I was in her condo in her living room and she was in the bedroom. It was 3:30 in the morning. She opened the door to come out of the room to get a glass of water. I quickly hid the pictures under my pillow because I thought she might think it was snooping. Unfortunately, she saw this, didn't say anything, and asked me if I was okay. I said I was, still hiding what was under the pillow. She left it at that and went back to bed. The next morning she confronted me and asked me what was under the pillows. I immediately told her the truth, that they were photos, and that I was worried what she would think. She said that it's okay for me to look at anything on her shelf and that she felt that she can do the same at my place. I apologized and thought that was the end of it. 4 days later, she sent me an email at work, basically saying that she didn't believe me, that what was under the pillow was to small to be pictures and that my reaction when she saw me was too extreme. She felt uncomfortable about the whole situation and wanted to take a "step back at this point". Later, on the phone, she asked me why I had my cell phone in my hand and dropped it when she came out of the room, wondering if I may have been taking pictures of what was under the pillow. I couldn't give her a good answer because I didn't remember. She then said "I've got to go" and hung up. During those 4 days, a friend of hers, who I met only twice, wanted to friend me on Facebook. I denied the first request ("Not now"), but it came back. I wasn't sure if Facebook did this or she was sending the friend request again. I thought this may not be a good idea while I was having issues with my girlfriend, so I decided to message her through Facebook on the night that I received that email. I told her "thanks but my girlfriend and I are having some issues and I feel uncomfortable friending you at this time. If we resolve these issues, I'll absolutely accept your friend request." The next day, my girlfriend phoned me at work and told me sending a private message to her friend is unacceptable. I didn't have the decency to text my girlfriend that I communicated with her friend privately. It was the "nail in the coffin". I said I wanted to wait until we were together before I brought it up because it was an important discussion, which she didn't agree with. She broke up with me over the phone calling my actions "secretive" and "shady" and that I was untrustworthy. The next day I texted her and apologized for what I did. She said that my actions would damage any relationship and that she was always an open book and deserved the same in return. My question: Did I deserve to be dumped? ps. This relationship is over. I know it. I just want to learn from it. I feel you should have left the problem with the gf out of your fb message. Other than that.. who wants to be walking on eggshells all the dam time? That's what you were doing. Always having to justify yourself about the who and what.. That's not a life. She's clearly got issues, and it's not your job to fix them. So, in a nutshell, don't share you dirty laundry with your gf's friends. That's about it. 2
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