Radorix Posted July 2, 2014 Posted July 2, 2014 My girlfriend, her kids and I have been living together for about 3 years. Recently she was diagnosed with Parkinson's Disease, Fibromyalgia and Gastreoperesis. Her doctor urged her to quit her job. She did and were still waiting on disability to start. I'm handling all finances. We are looking for a cheaper house as well. Her mom offered to let us move in with her while we save. I politely declined. Stupid pride. We had a power outage two weeks ago in my neighborhood that lasted 3 days. They all went to her moms. I ended up staying two nights. It was once again discussed moving in. I said if they all really wanted to I would agree. It was then told to me that I couldn't because her mom just went through a break up and didn't want guys there. Since then I have barely gotten to see my family which tears me to no end. On top of that my girlfriend started talking to me less and less. I finally asked her why this past Saturday. She said she feels romantically numb. With not being able to support herself she feels useless and unable to give back. One of her illnesses causes weight gain so she doesn't feel sexy. She can talk to her friends normally because they don't expect anything. I tried telling her these things don't matter to me but understand they matter to her. This is some of her exact text "That first panic attack ever was terrifying and I could feel my body gradually slowing down and sort of quitting. *That sucked. *Now I'm coming to terms with that but honestly feel incapable of romantic love because I have nothing to give. *I can't support myself, my body continues to frustrate and fight against my better judgement and because I'm bigger? I feel like I've crossed over this stupid imagined line where, at a certain size, I'm allowed to be powerful, wise, empathetic, intelligent...just about everything except sexy. *I link sexy with looking small. *For the life of me I can't figure out why or how to change my own mind." I'm a musician on the side so I'm often times writing and playing songs for her. Have always sent her texts throughout the day telling her how lucky I am to have her. I surprise her with gifts. So not sure if it's my fault she feels numb or something within herself. Sunday we were talking and she says she doesn't know if she can date anyone right now. Which lead to a huge fight. We haven't spoken since. I'm trying to give her space. I have no idea what's going on or what to do. We have a mutual friend who has talked to her very little. Our friend showed me the messages. When asked if we were still together she said "I'm really not sure. No if you ask me. Yes if you ask him." Our friend said but I thought he was great for you and to you. She said "yes he was. Is. I don't know. He's awesome but I'm not sure I'm in love anymore" She has never directly said she wanted to end things. Another thing is she has been signing up on websites. Not necesarily dating websites but websites to chat with people. Our mutual friend said she just wants to talk to people in hopes she can find some inspiration because she is creatively blocked with her writing. My irrational side is tempted to find out what website. Make a fake profile and try to reconnect. If anyone can offer some insight on what's going on or what to do that would be amazing. Thank you
bluelady Posted July 2, 2014 Posted July 2, 2014 This was really sad to read and I'm sorry she is sick. Unfortunately, there's not much you can do if she decided she doesn't want to be with you even if it is because of her own insecurities/depression. I would normally say try to explain to her that irrelevant of everything you still want to be with her - but it seems like you have and she still doesn't want to be with you. Maybe she's giving up on love/life, but that's her personal choice.
David87 Posted July 2, 2014 Posted July 2, 2014 This was really sad to read and I'm sorry she is sick. Unfortunately, there's not much you can do if she decided she doesn't want to be with you even if it is because of her own insecurities/depression. I would normally say try to explain to her that irrelevant of everything you still want to be with her - but it seems like you have and she still doesn't want to be with you. Maybe she's giving up on love/life, but that's her personal choice. Shes not giving up on love/life shes only giving up the OP. Move on start NC.
Author Radorix Posted July 2, 2014 Author Posted July 2, 2014 Thank you for the replies. One of the things I've noticed and I may be reading too much into this. She seems confused. Giving the inconsistencies in your responses. "Not really sure" "Was. Is" She also hasn't deleted me from facebook. Which that one can just be a matter of that she hasn't gotten to a computer yet. She practically lives on facebook. At the moment ww will still have some contact at some point. All of her stuff is still at our house and I'm having to take care of her puppy I got her at Christmas. Her mom doesn't like animals so she's afraid to take him over there. I wonder how much of it could be influence from her mother. She's always liked me but she's an unmedicated bi polar disorder. She was diagnosed but doesn't like her medication. Overall, her mom is a fairly toxic person that even though my girlfriend is 34 her mom still tries to run her life. So is no contact the best thing to do? Do I give her a length of time before I attempt to contact?
ThorntonMelon Posted July 2, 2014 Posted July 2, 2014 This may be a ridiculously harsh statement I am about to make, but as I've lived some of this world, I am going to make it anyways. Parkinson's Disease, Fibromyalgia and Gastreoperesis waiting on disability to start doctor urged her to quit her job I couldn't because her mom just went through a break up and didn't want guys there she feels useless and unable to give back. One of her illnesses causes weight gain so she doesn't feel sexy. She can talk to her friends normally because they don't expect anything. feel incapable of romantic love because I have nothing to give doesn't know if she can date anyone right now He's awesome but I'm not sure I'm in love anymore she has been signing up on websites. Not necesarily dating websites but websites to chat with people She practically lives on facebook I'm having to take care of her puppy Her mom doesn't like animals so she's afraid to take him over there. You have been given the gift of a lifetime. If you don't take it, you will look in the mirror in 5 years and wonder what the hell was wrong with you. I know that we're taught in life not to abandon ship and with kids involved, it's harder. But I've lived that world, it doesn't get better. Wish her well, leave the dog on her mother's doorstop, and enjoy your life.
Author Radorix Posted July 2, 2014 Author Posted July 2, 2014 Not ridiculous at all. I appreciate all input. I'm not in the state to really see things as they are
ThorntonMelon Posted July 2, 2014 Posted July 2, 2014 I am actually praying for you to walk away. And never look back. Out of curiosity is she being medicated for these medical issues?
Author Radorix Posted July 2, 2014 Author Posted July 2, 2014 That's actually a bit of a complicated story but I'll trt my best to explain. She was being treated. It took about 2 years to find doctors that would listen and not just say your too young to have these issues. So she finally found the right primary, neurologist, movement specialist etc and they started diagnosing and treating her and she started getting better. Granted she will never be healed but could live a semi normal life. Then she had to quit and her insurance ran out. Medicaid finally kicks in and her doctors are not on the list that accepts it and her primary doctor is closing her doors. So she's had to get new doctors. Despite having these diagnosis and everything her new doctors have decided she's too young and trying other medications other than what is proven to work.
ThorntonMelon Posted July 2, 2014 Posted July 2, 2014 Most guys would run rather than basically sign up to be a caretaker for a 34 year old woman. She is making the mistake of a lifetime. I will only pray that you take advantage of her foolishness.
Author Radorix Posted July 2, 2014 Author Posted July 2, 2014 I wish she would realize that though, you know? So earlier my will of not talking to her broke down. She messaged me about that she came and got some of her clothes. I asked her about the dog. She said she wants him there but she can't afford to feed him or anything. Since she has not told me anything directly I asked her what was going on between us. She refuses to answer. If she wants to end it then she needs to tell me. Not hope that I get the point and figure it out. It's irritating.
Recommended Posts