Alcatraz Posted July 1, 2014 Posted July 1, 2014 Just as the subject says, anyone suffered mentally from a harsh break up? Like not just the inevitable sadness/depression, but lasting problems. Take 'Silver linings playbook' for example, yeah it's a film but break ups are very mentally challenging.
Mondmellonw Posted July 1, 2014 Posted July 1, 2014 It depends on the nature of the relationship (and the nature of the break up too). If it was an abusive/extremely toxic one, it would be entirely normal for your state of mind to suffer a trauma. For example: When they project their own issues on you and you're left feeling like you're nuts. It doesn't matter if they were cheaters, liars, etc. It can happen, depending on the personality type. 1
ponchsox Posted July 1, 2014 Posted July 1, 2014 No, I picked up my balls and moved on. Too many women out there to get hung up on one. 3
Author Alcatraz Posted July 1, 2014 Author Posted July 1, 2014 Wish I could move on with pride also but the break up has indeed effected me. I think mainly because I was left for someone else and over the weeks I've thought "so all those times I was convinced she was cheating on me, turns out she was". A lot of over thinking I guess, also hate thinking of her having sex with him but I'm trying more and more to block it out, makes me feel sick. I don't think I have been mentally damaged by it and I am determined to move on, just wondering if it has really effected anyone mentally on here.
Georgia2014 Posted July 1, 2014 Posted July 1, 2014 I have been hurt badly by several men which makes it hard for me to trust a new guy. My ex fiancée swore he was different and would never hurt me. What did he do? He ended up hurting me. He was so nice in the beginning and then he changed. I am afraid it will be hard for me to trust someone so easily again. I had a barrier up with my ex fiancée due to my ex boyfriend hurting me. My entire family is amazed that I am taking the breakup so well. I told them it's because I had a barrier up. My mom kept on lecturing me when I started dating my ex fiancée not to keep a barrier up. Once we broke up I told my mom I am glad I kept my barrier up. In the end I think she was glad I kept the barrier up. 1
H245 Posted July 1, 2014 Posted July 1, 2014 Here's my quick story: I was in a highly toxic on and off relationship that last about a year and a half. The on and off happened 4 times. She left me the day after my birthday last year outta left field, strung me along after, then completely ditched me. She came back a month later to work things out, only to have her be distant and then break up again. The third try she moved in because she was kicked outta her mom's house. She stayed with me for 4 months. During that time she was talking to a guy friend from her high school days that made me uncomfortable and she assured me not to worry. Right before Xmas I found her outside my apartment at 3am in his car. She said the only met for a drink but didn't want to tell me because I would be mad. Didn't know you met people for drinks at 2am. She was offered to move in with her aunt and she jumped at it and was moved out in 2 days even without us really talking about it. Then I found on her FB a cheating convo with a completely different man so I ended it. A month later we talked and tried again (I was so stupid). She just ended things with me again a month and half ago. And not even a week or 2 later, she is on every dating site out there. Has all this affected my psychologically, very much so. This was a woman that spent 3 months chasing after me and when she got me she would become distant and not communicate things with me. She hid things from me and never appreciated everything I did for her and in the end, all the "I love you's" and "I'm nothing without you" from her meant nothing. I am doing a lot better than I was when the break up happened. But the damage has taken its toll on me and it will be a very long time before I can fully trust another person again. The trauma I went through was too severe to heal right away. Sorry for the long post. I figured some details would get the point across that yes, some break ups do really affect people mentally.
Elle1975 Posted July 2, 2014 Posted July 2, 2014 Just as the subject says, anyone suffered mentally from a harsh break up? Like not just the inevitable sadness/depression, but lasting problems. Take 'Silver linings playbook' for example, yeah it's a film but break ups are very mentally challenging. He is bipolar.. the break up didn't cause his condition. His cheating wife sure didn't make it any better. To answer you, no. If anything it made me wiser. We all react differently, but to me it's the opportunity to do better. Doesn't feel that way at first, but after a while you can choose to stay trapped in a victim state of mind, or fight back.
todreaminblue Posted July 2, 2014 Posted July 2, 2014 I have been hurt in relationships.....the thing with em is i know i am going to get hurt it is unrealistic to expect otherwise......even with a saint .....people hurt people...and people who have been hurt ...hurt people..and you hurt the ones you love the most.....a whole load of hurt there...... in any relationship if you have a vested interest in someone you take the risk of being hurt as well you should because they are doing the same thing.........the other option is to go around hurting others and not giving a crap if you do hurt them or not hurt them.....and live your life not caring.......i cant do this..... i am wary getting into a relationship but i have a brain and i use it as well as my heart..i am extremely soft hearted and i have a mechanism that protects that.....called a multiple personality.....smilin....thats what trauma has done for me given me facets that actually help me cope and see reason and cause and effect ....i am empathic...and i use what i have in a relationship to make it better and stronger........ because once i commit at heart level...i am loyal to the end.... i commit..... i dont commit to not getting hurt i commit in spite of the knowledge at one time or another i am going to get hurt.....love isn't all sunshine......you have to take the tears too......i accept both sunshine and tears and i would hope the partner i have tries as hard as i do to avoid hurting each other...and working through resolution and discord in the most compassionate and respectful way possible....... we all are not perfect and it is quite easy to hurt someone who loves you...its how you deal with it that counts......for longevity anyway.. no love is hurt free...in fact if it is...it aint love...........best wishes....deb 5
requin Posted July 2, 2014 Posted July 2, 2014 Just as the subject says, anyone suffered mentally from a harsh break up? Like not just the inevitable sadness/depression, but lasting problems. Take 'Silver linings playbook' for example, yeah it's a film but break ups are very mentally challenging. My breakup will very likely leave long lasting mental scars. I went into it too innocently, believed we'd be tgether the rest of our lives (we're both in our 50s), believed he wanted all the things he said he wanted. I let down my guard. He ended it after a year, for no clear reason. It's been a month and I'm still in shock. It feels like a nightmare I cannot wake up from. Knowing my history (love addiction, depression, negative thinking, pessimism, neglectful childhood, blah blah blah) I'm sure I'll be a torchbearer (love this guy forever and not get over him). I'm trying to believe it won't be like that, that I will be a warrior and get past this and be stronger for it. But it is unlikely. I am tired. I am defeated. I believed, and once again I got stomped on, crushed, and damaged for it. I will probably be depressed for a long time. I think people already prone to mental illness, or who already have something (i.e., depression) are likely candidates for lasting trauma after a breakup. Depending a lot on the circumstances of course.
sooshi Posted July 2, 2014 Posted July 2, 2014 Yeah, it hurt a lot. But what hurt me more was that my ex-fiance seemed to have left me for my then-best friend (and she let him pursue her for quite a while). That caused far more damage.
sugarlove Posted July 2, 2014 Posted July 2, 2014 My first breakup was my divorce which I think is the worst breakup there is and that basically affected every other relationship I had after that. I was having depression, anxiety which stems from PTSD due to an abusive marriage. Psychologically, it made me distrust the whole concept that someone can actually love me. I tend to push away guys when they start to feel real love for me which in turn makes me fear my own feelings towards them. It's a vicious cycle but it is what is it. Just need to manage it better and try to read more about what makes a normal relationship as my concept of normal is slightly askewed for a while.
LostConfused123 Posted July 2, 2014 Posted July 2, 2014 Hey you guys!!! We loved someone with all our hearts!! That alone was a gift. Our exes should be so ****ing lucky!! No shame in genuinely loving someone. Otherwise, what's the point. Just my opinion. Carry on. Love you guys! 3
LostConfused123 Posted July 2, 2014 Posted July 2, 2014 Oh, and to answer the question. . . YES! I think we're all psychologically damaged, especially if we're the dumpee. Our self esteem goes straight to the toilet, we question our own judgement and we are torn limb from limb and shaken to our core. I don't think we're "damaged" We just loved someone with all our hearts and that simply hurts! 4
movingbackwards Posted July 2, 2014 Posted July 2, 2014 Oh, and to answer the question. . . YES! I think we're all psychologically damaged, especially if we're the dumpee. Our self esteem goes straight to the toilet, we question our own judgement and we are torn limb from limb and shaken to our core. I don't think we're "damaged" We just loved someone with all our hearts and that simply hurts! I was flung into a lot of depression, anxiety, and heightened OCD.
leavesonautumn Posted July 2, 2014 Posted July 2, 2014 On/Off toxic relationship for 5 years? Yes, I do suffer from some issues. We were addicted to each other and I still cry/feel depressed (I have a history of depression and I say "feel depressed" because I know I am not full blown at this point but I'm on the verge) to this day and it's been 6 months. I keep that private from friends and family so no one really knows how much I'm suffering. I've turned to alchohol, mostly just on the weekends. If anyone was to see me or speak to me, they'd never know how I feel.
Hoosfoos Posted July 2, 2014 Posted July 2, 2014 Severe depression, panic attacks, and anxiety. Medication and psychiatry. The experience has left me profoundly damaged.
todreaminblue Posted July 2, 2014 Posted July 2, 2014 Severe depression, panic attacks, and anxiety. Medication and psychiatry. The experience has left me profoundly damaged. psychiatry are quick to offer medication as an answer to experiences we have in our lives......they dont get it right all the time you know, they didnt with me i have been in the mental health system for years they wont listen to me .....which is funny considering that has been a problem in most of my negative experiences ....people don't listen when i say no... they dont listen when i say that's not right, what you are doing is hurtful to me please stop......they dont even listen when i beg with my eyes...... now if we could get people to listen better who go around hurting others maybe medication to give them understanding and listening skills and kill their desires that are negative or impact negatively....we look at getting hurt as something that needs treatment...maybe in all essence its not the people who have been hurt need meds but the people who go around not caring and leaving scars......yeah i know its a song......jar of hearts...lol.....sorry i am not making light of it....it just seems music sometimes can say it better than meds can......for me anyway.....music seems to have exactly the words i need at any given time....shrinks for me....yeah they dont listen..... to me they are quick to prescribe and then they keep you on them for years ....so you wake up one day like rip van winkle and go huh what year is it now?...and i have felt like that
requin Posted July 2, 2014 Posted July 2, 2014 On/Off toxic relationship for 5 years? Yes, I do suffer from some issues. We were addicted to each other and I still cry/feel depressed (I have a history of depression and I say "feel depressed" because I know I am not full blown at this point but I'm on the verge) to this day and it's been 6 months. I keep that private from friends and family so no one really knows how much I'm suffering. I've turned to alchohol, mostly just on the weekends. If anyone was to see me or speak to me, they'd never know how I feel. This is so very sad. Like you, I was/am addicted to my ex (he was not addicted to me, he's an avoidant), and I feel depressed too (also on the verge). It's been 6 weeks or so since my breakup (4 days of NC as of today, as I tried off and on during June to maintain contact w/ him, find out why, etc). Why don't you talk to anyone?? I talk to anyone who will listen. My mother, my friends/colleagues at work, my online friends, and forums like this one. I also journal (I send email to myself) sometimes. Do you do that? It's a bit helpful but to me it's not the same as talking to someone. Truthfully I would drink if I could but I have a vestibular condition that does not allow me to tolerate alcohol. Riding my bike helps the most, but I cannot do that very much (an hour or two a day, weather permitting). Coloring w/ colored pencils in Dover coloring books (check amazon for a huge selection) does help a lot to calm me down. Do you have anything like that to try? since I recently found this forum I'm so saddened by all the broken hearts. It isn't comforting to know so many people are hurting. I want happy endings for everyone. I want everyone to get their ex back, if they want them back. All I want is my ex. I am a torchbearer, I am 52 years old today, and I will never find anyone like him again. I won't settle. I'm petrified of the future that awaits me, pining for and remembering this man as the best love I ever had, while it lasted.
todreaminblue Posted July 2, 2014 Posted July 2, 2014 to me if you look at a control dog given a loving home plenty of every thing a dog needs to be happy, and then you take that well adjusted control dog and put it in a home where the dog is constantly kicked starved of everything affection warmth food and comfort, and cursed from one room to another that dog knows what it needs to be happy and becomes unhappy, so you take that dog out of that violent hurtful place and you put that dog where it has everything it needs, affection comfort love warmth food and shelter ...not medication...but love and an environment where it can grow and be happy again you know that ti is fearful and its going to take extra time to heal.....but that dog heals....after being kicked and thrown around and cursed and the other myriad things that happen....it can heal drug free with time and effort......because that dog always knew what it took to be happy...... i seem to feel people have a higher intellect than a dog........and its possible for us to know what it takes to be happy doesnt mean we wont be hurt again....but we know right from wrong....and we know not to hurt others it seems right that if we find the right people and the right environment we dont have to be hurt or kicked or cheated on or manipulated or cursed ever again....and for us to be loved of course we can be loved again......and we can love again....it is just going to take time and effort and talk therapy talking to others who have been in the same sort of environment and come through......then, seeing the difference, knowing the difference, then living that difference with peace in our hearts i get upset when i read damaged goods......you dont blame the dog that got kicked.....ever........deb
leavesonautumn Posted July 2, 2014 Posted July 2, 2014 I'm sorry that you're hurting too, requin, it truly does just suck. I've never been one to reach out to him out of all the break ups we've had, I'll literally just leave him be even though it kills me inside. After the 8 or 9 break ups we've had, it's hard to make people listen to the same issues over and over again. The last time we were together was actually kept secret until a year or so into seeing each other from my parents. I do talk about it with my mom and friends on occasion but I also don't want to drive them away lol. I do like to walk around and have adventures for hours, listen to music, take history courses. I do occupy my mind but he was my best buddy and there are so many times where I start laughing about something and wish I could tell him. I'm 26 and this relationship has made me feel used up, damaged and just all around exhausted by the thought of being romantically involved with anyone else ever.
Author Alcatraz Posted July 3, 2014 Author Posted July 3, 2014 I was flung into a lot of depression, anxiety, and heightened OCD. I've had OCD for many years which has also very much heightened for me since my heart break. It was something I could control before but enhanced negative thoughts again have made it very difficult to cope. I could have handled a normal break up, but the cheating and her being with this guy since the break up, well that's just made it hard. As bad as it is, I wish she could feel the pain she's left me in.
nofeelings22 Posted July 3, 2014 Posted July 3, 2014 Absolutely. I was a zombie for at least a year. Had a lot of very poor interactions with my friends and family as well as online. I barely remember the year. Deep psychosis, i guess. Glad to have emerged from that! 1
guest569 Posted July 3, 2014 Posted July 3, 2014 Depression and an eating disorder. It affected/is affecting every part of my life. I am sure its going to take a long time to recover, if ever. I think everyone is to an extent suffering psychologically after a breakup. We all end up with baggage as a result.
Amelie1980 Posted July 3, 2014 Posted July 3, 2014 Yes I went into depression as he was emotionally abusive. The things he did were deplorable.
travelonic Posted July 3, 2014 Posted July 3, 2014 No, I picked up my balls and moved on. Too many women out there to get hung up on one. Totally what is being talked about there. It has nothing to do with balls, or getting hung up, and IMO any simple 1-line explanation may be too simplistic... I really do think it depends on the nature of the relationship, and the nature of the breakup, as well as the people involved - no clear-cut one size fits all answer. 1
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