mortensorchid Posted July 1, 2014 Posted July 1, 2014 I met this guy on POF and we had arranged to meet today. I let him choose the place, he said there is a Starbucks on Name Street. I looked it up online and said there were a few of them (Starbucks) on that street, which number? He said he didn't know, then texted back the number. I put it in my GPS and went to the place in question, but it was a mass shopping plaza with a Target as an anchor and several stores attached. I'd been to this place before, and drove around and did not see a Starbucks. I texted back to him "are you sure about this? There is no Starbucks around here." I parked and sat in the car for 20 minutes and waited and waited, and nothing. I decided that he wasn't coming or answering the text, got a bad feeling about this situation. Last ditch effort, I called his number and got a busy signal. Strange. I got a bad feeling and decided to just walk away form it. About an hour after I got home he sent a text saying that he was waiting for me at the Starbucks and where was I? I said I did not see a Starbucks anywhere. He said it was inside of the Target, and now he's leaving. Ah well, life goes on. 1
CarrieT Posted July 1, 2014 Posted July 1, 2014 A first meeting at a Starbucks inside a Target? You dodged a bullet, my dear... 13
Mo_Do Posted July 1, 2014 Posted July 1, 2014 A first meeting at a Starbucks is enough to run away. Zero creativity and you get to allow 20 strangers listen in on your date - awesome!
d0nnivain Posted July 1, 2014 Posted July 1, 2014 Sometimes it's better to nail down a location. Chains can be hard to find sometimes. It would have helped if he told you it was in the Target. Must be a nice Target. Next "date" pick a more unique place.
Assasda Posted July 1, 2014 Posted July 1, 2014 What bullet? Do you even know the guy? Frustrating with the communication though. Maybe you guys can meet again
deathandtaxes Posted July 1, 2014 Posted July 1, 2014 He probably had plans to be at the Target already for shopping and was going to 'fit' you into his shopping schedule. How effin classy. 2
Anela Posted July 1, 2014 Posted July 1, 2014 Sometimes it's better to nail down a location. Chains can be hard to find sometimes. It would have helped if he told you it was in the Target. Must be a nice Target. Next "date" pick a more unique place. I'm in the same general area as mortensorchid (within an hour or two, I think). I was in a Target that had a Starbucks, for a quick snack the other night, although that came from a neighbouring snack stand that sold hot dogs and small pizzas, already made and boxed, from Pizza Hut. It might have been okay for meeting someone for half-an-hour, but not a date.
mirage12 Posted July 1, 2014 Posted July 1, 2014 General dating advice is to keep first meets simple, and just get a coffee. Guy arranges coffee meet, and suddenly everyone has bad things to say. Sure, the guy in question could have mentioned the Starbucks was inside of a Target, but this date fell through because the OP couldn't find the Starbucks, not because the guy did anything really wrong. It really is amusing how anything a guy does becomes a red flag to some people. Agree. Coffee date at a Starbucks seems fine for someone you're meeting from the first time off an online dating site... 4
Michelle ma Belle Posted July 1, 2014 Posted July 1, 2014 A first meeting at a Starbucks is enough to run away. Zero creativity and you get to allow 20 strangers listen in on your date - awesome! Wait a minute. Why? Why exactly is meeting at a Starbucks so horrible for a first date? I used to accept lunch and/or dinner dates when I was doing the OLD thing but after too many painful dates with men who couldn't carry a conversation to save their lives, struggling to get through the meal and sitting on the edge of my seat for the bill to come one too many times made me a coffee-date-convert. Depending on how that goes, lunch or dinner or whatever else suits our creative fancy is more than welcome! 3
CarrieT Posted July 1, 2014 Posted July 1, 2014 There are two issues here for me. Coffee at Starbucks is one thing (although in my 50+ coffee meet-and-greets, it was rarely at a Starbucks because we Californians are snobs). But the Starbucks inside of Targets (and Safeway) are not always clearly marked as such and for him to expect her to know that was where the Starbucks. The other thing is that she DID try to reach him several times, but -- it seems - INSIDE the frigg'n Target he didn't get any messages to respond? Personally, I find Target sort of low-class for a first meet-and-greet, but I am an admitted snob. I don't think I would want to date a guy who looks at Target as a potential first date place... If there is the potential for a great romance, wouldn't one want it to be somewhere with the potential for seduction and a continuation of the date? I just don't see how that is possible in a Target. 2
SJC2008 Posted July 1, 2014 Posted July 1, 2014 What a lame date idea. A starbucks inside a Target my word. You're even drawn to these idiots before meeting the come on chid.
Dallers Posted July 1, 2014 Posted July 1, 2014 Starbucks for Lunch not for a date Even so you should do a bit of pre-date researching. I see it a lot from girls on Online Dating although they do it very badly a guy also does the same. You need to look for those signs because people say they do not come across in text but they very much do. I always unleash a few remarks that get a person to react. Sometimes they absorb the comment and respond with a cheeky or relaxed manner and other times they unleash a bolt of lightning which confirms that they have stay clear written all over them. Odds are this guy would not have spoken by text for a few days beforehand as he would have got bored and moved onto the next and flakes out quite a lot and researching that by a bit of pre-date banter would have saved you the time driving about and sitting in your car. Be more assertive with your Online dating and expect more from the other person, a lot of guys are just lazy and make it easy for guys like me.
ascendotum Posted July 1, 2014 Posted July 1, 2014 General dating advice is to keep first meets simple, and just get a coffee. Guy arranges coffee meet, and suddenly everyone has bad things to say. Sure, the guy in question could have mentioned the Starbucks was inside of a Target, but this date fell through because the OP couldn't find the Starbucks, not because the guy did anything really wrong. It really is amusing how anything a guy does becomes a red flag to some people. I agree there is conflicting advice on this. i think a guy (or the woman even) should ideally come up with something a bit more inspiring, but at the same time from many guys perspective its a numbers game. You get jaded from dud dates, and many ignored initial and post date msgs, that some guys just treat OLD as a backup tool, and put in low level investment initially for the first meet, just like lots of women do. I think the wally should have mentioned to M that the coffee shop was inside another dept store. That would throw off a lot of people not familiar with the place, and secondly he should have txted/called her at the 15 min mark to check on where she was, really and not wait over an hour to say, hey, I'm leaving.
kolleamm Posted July 1, 2014 Posted July 1, 2014 Honestly your situation does not seem that bad, he just doesn't know how to give directions. You should tell him that.
Mo_Do Posted July 1, 2014 Posted July 1, 2014 (edited) Wait a minute. Why? Why exactly is meeting at a Starbucks so horrible for a first date? I used to accept lunch and/or dinner dates when I was doing the OLD thing but after too many painful dates with men who couldn't carry a conversation to save their lives, struggling to get through the meal and sitting on the edge of my seat for the bill to come one too many times made me a coffee-date-convert. Depending on how that goes, lunch or dinner or whatever else suits our creative fancy is more than welcome! Measure the success rate of your first coffee dates versus first drink dates and you'll get your answer. You both loosen up with a couple alcoholic beverages. Coffee dates = boring + twitchy and first dates need to be anything but. Dinner / lunch on a first date is a terrible idea for the reasons you listed and also due to cost and time involved. The only time I've done that is I am starved and need to eat. Best first date? Couple drinks and a walk or activity. Try it - you'll nearly eliminate the "painful" dates. (been on 30+ meet and greets in 4~ months) Edited July 1, 2014 by Mo_Do
FitChick Posted July 2, 2014 Posted July 2, 2014 Jamba Juice Baskin Robbins (or similar) High end bakery with tables & chairs Tea room (Japanese or British)
Baller25 Posted July 2, 2014 Posted July 2, 2014 A first meeting at a Starbucks inside a Target? You dodged a bullet, my dear... Maybe it was the only starbucks he was familiar with. It certainly doesn't make him a 'bullet'. A first meeting at a Starbucks is enough to run away. Zero creativity and you get to allow 20 strangers listen in on your date - awesome! That's such horrible advice. When it comes to OLD and especially POF, first meet ups are important and are not really first dates. Meeting up at starbucks is the norm to check if you guys are physically compatible and if there is a click, similar to what would have been if it wasn't through OLD. People are so flaky these days, I think it's a big waste of time to be creative. In the end of the day you want the girl to date you for your companionship rather than the activities. 2
Mo_Do Posted July 2, 2014 Posted July 2, 2014 Maybe it was the only starbucks he was familiar with. I've never shopped at Target but I imagine he's a very suburban kind of guy so to him it wasn't a big deal. It certainly doesn't make him a 'bullet'. That's such horrible advice. When it comes to OLD and especially POF, first meet ups are important and are not really first dates. Meeting up at starbucks is the norm to check if you guys are physically compatible and if there is a click, similar to what would have been if it wasn't through OLD. People are so flaky these days, I think it's a big waste of time to be creative. In the end of the day you want the girl to date you for your companionship rather than the activities. My advice is only as good as your dating picks goes - POF? Aahahahahaa... Good luck with that! As I said, 30+ meet and greets in less than 4 months and not one flake. Choose your dates better and stop meeting anyone that shows interest! Coffee dates suck - end of story.
CarrieT Posted July 2, 2014 Posted July 2, 2014 People are so flaky these days, I think it's a big waste of time to be creative. In the end of the day you want the girl to date you for your companionship rather than the activities. I think this comment speaks volumes. I just got married (at the age of 50) last fall to a guy I met online. At this age, much of companionship ARE the shared activities we will be experiencing over the next thirty years as we are beyond the life-building struggles of having children, etc. Before I met my husband, I had 200 or so online convos and went on 50+ meet-and-greets and being creative was what attracted me to certain guys. It displayed depth of character and a facet of humanity that *I* personally found attractive. To me, a guy who suggested Starbucks (or similar ilk) would probably not have the joie de vivre for life and adventure that I have. It is as simple as that. Now that is not to say that Starbucks isn't perfectly fine for average people who want to have average dates. But some of us are far from average and look for and expect more out of life. Some of us have been able to obtain that. 3
Keenly Posted July 2, 2014 Posted July 2, 2014 Jesus Christ . Seriously? Advice that's always given on these forums is first meet up.is a short meet for coffee. I'm sorry but if you want to be a part of the dating world, you have to be open to it, and you have to meet people halfway. This was no time to be a diva, and it was a little stuck up to just leave. You basically stood him up and now you want us to tell you its his fault. This one is all on you. 1
Author mortensorchid Posted July 2, 2014 Author Posted July 2, 2014 In reading these comments I realized there were a few things working against it. This guy, after researching a few text messages / emails exchanged did not know that the Starbucks in question was located inside the Target and neither did I. He obviously googled it since he did not live in the area. I live near the Target but almost never go in it so how would I know that? As for his not responding to my texts and then calling the number and finding the busy signal? I don't know what to say about that. It didn't happen for whatever reason. Probably best to just let it be.
lollipopspot Posted July 2, 2014 Posted July 2, 2014 I think a coffee date is fine. But a Starbucks INSIDE a Target...I agree with Carrie that it seems low class. It's interesting that most guys here find nothing wrong with it, and don't see the issue, but most women do. It's not about the money either. A coffee at a Target Starbucks costs the same as at a free-standing one or at a little independent coffee shop. The atmosphere inside a Target though is not conducive to creating attraction. To me that date would have been a turn off, and indicated a lack of care. But that's me. I'm sure it's right for some women, and they're who that's going to attract. 3
Easyguy14 Posted July 2, 2014 Posted July 2, 2014 A first meeting at a Starbucks is enough to run away. Zero creativity and you get to allow 20 strangers listen in on your date - awesome! What's wrong with meeting in Starbucks, the mall, or even Burger King? It's not an official date, just a meet and greet. Boy you ladies need to lighten up. 1
SJC2008 Posted July 2, 2014 Posted July 2, 2014 I feel like coffee lovers are part of a secret society. "Going for coffee" gives people orgasms or something, they sound sooo effin happy when they say it like they're abouy to drink from the fountain of youth. People who love coffee use terms like "working lunch".
lollipopspot Posted July 2, 2014 Posted July 2, 2014 I know the very few times I have swallowed my pride enough to enter a Target and seen an attractive woman, once I realize I'm actually inside of a Target, she immediately becomes unattractive. So have you set up an initial date with a woman inside a Target store (which is what we're talking about)? If whatever you're doing is working out for you, more power to you, but probably some other guys here would like opinions about how it may be viewed by some women.
Recommended Posts