sunflower11 Posted July 1, 2014 Posted July 1, 2014 My heart is broken and it burns inside so bad.... I had been seeing my ex a few times this year..nothing ever happened or went beyond friends wth benefits but I still had feelings for him and he knew this. I always hoped things would turn around though he always said we are jusr friends I dont know why I put myself thtough that and allowed it to continue .. last night I was wth him and he fell asleep...I saw his phone and found all these messages to 4 different girls him telling them how much he loves them, talking about sex, how he misses all of them... and bla bla..although I think its all bull**** and hes obviously playing around wth everyone it hurt so bad I started yelling at him and he told me to get out..I grabbed my shoes and walked out at midnight to try to find a taxi and couldn't stop crying. He says I knew thjngs were just casual so I have no right to complain or say anything and what he does is his business but everytime we saw each other he was always quick to hold my hand...want to hug and kiss. He even got jealous many times when he saw me talkibg wth other guys and said he didnt like that..that he still cared about me.. but at the end of the day I was always just his"friend". I dont even know what to do wth myself and al these feelings right now because yes I know we werent together and we had seen each other a few times already that I knew the routine abd that things weren't going beyond that point...but it still hurts so bad. Im a mess and feel like I dont even have a right to feel anger or hurt snd mostly im angry wth myself because it seems like hes right and I knew all along it was just casual and i kept getting involved with him but this isnt exactly comforting to me right now. I've been crying a lot since yesterday and my insides are a mess, i keep trying to point my finger at him because he knew i still had feelings and i even tried to distance myself from him, started ignoring his messages and calls but he always kept coming back, still the only one i can see to blame here is me and i regret so much not saying "No" and putting an end to this a lot sooner..
gj13 Posted July 1, 2014 Posted July 1, 2014 I'm sorry you're in pain It really sucks, but this is why it is SO important to not fall into these "seeing each other casually" post breakup scenarios. NC is the only way you can save yourself from this pain and tough its hard at the end its much more bearable than what you're experiencing. Please cut all communication. Yes it was wrong to remain there, but what's done is done and the best thing you can do for you and for your own healing is to cut all ties and move on.
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