Red123 Posted July 1, 2014 Posted July 1, 2014 Well today is the day I have been pondering whether or not to celebrate for a while now and I have chosen not to. My H is really hurt but is not pushing me in any way. His mother got here today so that takes the pressure of romance off a bit. We have always celebrated the day we decided to become exclusive together, and today marks 18 years together. 18 years ago it was quite the scene. A national holiday where we live, fireworks and tones if our own fireworks too. We always loved this day because of how we began together. He was faithful for 17 years and unfaithful for 3.5 months of that. I feel like we are still at 17 years because of the past year. Marking from today, 1 year ago we were both so checked out of our relationship and it looked like we were done. We had family in town so we went out for our anniversary a couple of weeks after the date. It was the worst one in our relationship, that ended with a conversation about how I needed more from him and how he felt he was never enough. Approximately one month later he met the MOW and the A began until the end of September. We separated mid September but still had to live under the same roof. His lies continued until November when the NC letter was sent and I have been aware of her attempts to contact since. That's the reason the A lasted 3.5 months in my mind, which is a topic we do not agree with. We began an attempt at R after that letter was sent but it has been so hard for us. So for me this year is nothing to celebrate, he agrees but feels that our attempting R is positive and that we need to celebrate all of the hard work from December until now. He also reminds me of the state of our relationship before which is definitely different now. I also had a small tumour lasered off my nose yesterday(I look pretty scary today) so I am relieved u don't have pressure to go out and try to cover it, it wouldn't be easy to do. Anyways that was a vent I think, maybe just figuring my own thoughts out. Thanks for reading. Happy Canada Day to all of my fellow Canadians out there. 2
gettingstronger Posted July 1, 2014 Posted July 1, 2014 The silver lining is you are articulating what you want and need and your husband is responding- I am sorry this day is painful for you- I have a few of those too and it sucks when something you treasured is now tarnished-it seems so unfair, probably because it is! 1
Oberfeldwebel Posted July 1, 2014 Posted July 1, 2014 It really doesn't matter that you celebrate this day, the fact is you are still working together and that is what is important. Also salute to our northern neighbor for their special day. 1
snappytomcat Posted July 2, 2014 Posted July 2, 2014 I know the first anniversary after dday is tough,thats for sure but the next one will be better,as mine was and I was dreading the one right after dday,I was sick to my stomach as he was sick too,but it was nothing to celebrate but I want to wish you a happy anniversary anyways,and im thinking of you 1
Author Red123 Posted July 2, 2014 Author Posted July 2, 2014 Made it through the day yesterday and i actually feel good about the choice to not celebrate. We have counseling this afternoon and I'm looking forward to it. At almost 7 months past Dday I can honestly say I'm starting to feel better( wish it was quicker). I still have really bad days but they are nothing compared to 6 months ago or even last month. I hope this continues, actually I have faith it will. Hoping all of you going through this on all sides of the equation are getting better with time and moving toward some peace and positive change. 2
Oberfeldwebel Posted July 4, 2014 Posted July 4, 2014 Glad to hear things are going well. Just remember that recovery is a roller coaster, so you will be doing good and then have a surge of emotion the other way. There isn't really much you can do, just know it happens so don't get discouraged. It's like the old joke "how do you eat an elephant sandwich?" and the answer is "one bite at a time". Things can seem overwhelming at times, but little by little, you move forward. 1
Author Red123 Posted July 4, 2014 Author Posted July 4, 2014 Thank you for the encouragement. May I ask, have you been in reconciliation or are you currently? Your words seem to come from a place of experience when I read them.
Oberfeldwebel Posted July 5, 2014 Posted July 5, 2014 Thank you for the encouragement. May I ask, have you been in reconciliation or are you currently? Your words seem to come from a place of experience when I read them. I rode that roller coaster for about five years. However, I didn't have a spouse that was willing to work to solve the problems. She had the cheating and the hysterical bonding part down pat, but wasn't so good on the long term committment......lol. Finally I came to the conclusion that I couldn't fix it by myself and let her go. Part of the problem was me, as I saw what potential the person had and expected them to act one way, but that really wasn't her. We divorced and I consider it preparation for the good marriage that did come my way. Those days are long behind me, but the raw emotion that you go through in being betrayed and the roller coaster ride that follows is something you will never forget.
Author Red123 Posted July 5, 2014 Author Posted July 5, 2014 Thanks for the reply. I would say I'm sorry things didn't work out but it sounds like they did for you but not without the scar. I'm happy for you that you have found someone who is good to you:)
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