jumpstix366 Posted July 1, 2014 Posted July 1, 2014 First-time poster, here. I have been lurking so far and I think I can get some decent advice here. So, the story. (Sorry 4 Wall of Text) Me and my current girlfriend have been friends for over 7 years before we progressed to a FWB situation. Afterwards, she admitted her feelings. I felt good about it too, and we entered a relationship. I've had a pretty severe crush on her before and I assume it didn't fade away yet. We have been together just short of 2 months, I know it's not long, but seeing as I'd like to develop this relationship into something serious (no sealing our fate yet, just a serious, healthy relationship), I want to do everything I can to improve her, our relationship, and most importantly: myself. The thing is, she comes from a rough childhood, parents were never around or were overly controlling etc. This is what she says when I ask her about the reason for her constant procrastinating, irresponsibility and her very apparent forgetfulness (more like, people ask important stuff or need her to remember important stuff and she downright forgets about it). Thing is, she lives with her brother, who sometimes clean up but he's autistic, so he doesn't provide her "coaching" as it were. She would just go to the table and eat, and leave all the dishes there. Her room is a mess, covered in clothes and her punctuality leaves everything to be desired. You simply can't trust her with anything that has to do with being on time, reminding stuff or taking up responsibilities. When she sees something important must be done which can be considered boring or negative, she literally drops it and goes on the bane of sites: Tumblr. For example, she once downright refused to get her health insurance in order, and thus, suffered quite some costs when she was sick recently. It always had to wait in favour of Tumblr, Twitter or reading Buzzfeed articles. Sometimes I swallow my frustration and just let her be, other times, I try to point out what could be done in a different way in a very positive, gentle and constructive way. But when it comes down to it, she subconsciously just ignores it and instantly forgets about it. If I propose to do the cleaning together, my success rate is higher and we do it together, but not without her opening up her computer and doing some social networking while I'm still cleaning/working. She's also really irresponsible with her money, her time and especially other people's time. She's never on time, thanks due her indecisiveness in picking an outfit. It's almost as if picking the right outfit is astronomically more important to her than wasting someone else's time. She shows signs of relatively high narcissism. She goes to a therapist once every two weeks. She's been doing it for over 4 months. Ever since we have been a couple, I would occasionally ask how it went or how she was progressing. I recently went to my old shrink for myself (in regard to this relationship) and while she knew, she didn't even bother asking how it went in my case. Again, giving off an impression of simply forgetting about it or just not caring. I can't continue this wall of text like this, I don't want it to overwhelm anyone. My question is, are the procrastinating, the narcissism and the seemingly cold attitude things that can be improved upon in therapy or just by giving it time. Or what do I do? tl;dr: Girlfriend acts like a vane and arrogant person, forgets (really) important stuff all the time and doesn't know how to handle money since she is being spoiled to death by her parents (whom she 'hates' but still gladly accepts the tax/rent money from) Thanks.
Author jumpstix366 Posted July 1, 2014 Author Posted July 1, 2014 ...So what do you actually like about her? Our social interaction, our sex, our dynamics as long as they do not concern the complaints I have listed. Quite some things, really. It is not, however, related to my final question. :s
carrie_o Posted July 1, 2014 Posted July 1, 2014 It's very risky going into a relationship hoping that the other person will change. Usually they don't. You need to ask yourself how you really feel about the relationship. Do you see a future with her as she is right now? Are these flaw something you could deal with long-term?
umirano Posted July 1, 2014 Posted July 1, 2014 My question is, are the procrastinating, the narcissism and the seemingly cold attitude things that can be improved upon in therapy or just by giving it time. How old is she? Depending on that you may have to be very patient. And no, I don't think there's a silver bullet to 'cure' it. Time is your friend. l;dr: Girlfriend acts like a vane and arrogant person, forgets (really) important stuff all the time and doesn't know how to handle money since she is being spoiled to death by her parents (whom she 'hates' but still gladly accepts the tax/rent money from) Doesn't sound like RS material. Good luck
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