harvej Posted July 1, 2014 Posted July 1, 2014 Thank you for your advice everybody. I started dating a woman who after becoming hooked, warned me she had some serious jealousy issues and after a 25 year marriage to a man addicted to porno and hookers, she finally divorced him. That was 8 years ago. All other relationships went sour and the man broke up with her. She is quite attractive and seems sweet, but after telling me that she loved me, she suddenly went cold on me. She has some sort of paranoid disorder that made her think that somebody was following her and bugged her phone. She basically scuttled our relationship overnight. Then came back and calmed down but said she just wasn't ready for a relationship and she took a break from her normal biking adrenaline junkies whom she admitted, ALL were shallow men with baggage themselves, but she surrounds herself with about 10 of these guys at all time's 3x a week, while others who own businesses can't do that biking that much. Sue said often that I was the best man she ever met, loved and would be the marrying type and then BAM!! Well it happened, she broke up with me . BACK GROUND: I am a musician and recorded a song for her birthday which if you may recall from previous post , who after belly aching about whether i was coming to her birthday party which she organized for herself, suddenly uninvited me the day of event. She said she didn't think we should see each other anymore and felt that since I was filed for divorce and was to be final in 30 days, we shouldn't be seen together. I verified from others that it wasn't about another man. But, I now suspect she has eyes on somebody else. She then admitted that she over reacted and I should have been there. Well today, she called and said that she didn't want a relationship with me and that she took a chance at dating me which wasn't her typical man she likes to date. What I found out, is that she only likes men who do distance bicycling and hiking, which she does, but always stated that she does it too much and that she is addicted to it, and does it to run away from her stresses. She does this every Sat/Sun and Wednesday and does hiking and jogging every day she is not doing 100 mile bike rides. I could join her, but I have responsibilities and apparently some of these types are adrenaline junkies and that's all they do. She liked me because she said they were all broke and boring and self absorbed and I was not. In fact I am doing quite well financially and had just treated her to some shopping that she said she never had experienced before, including dining.I own a business that prevents me from taking that much time off for recreation, but was willing to join when I could. She literally has 10 men around her in every FB picture, ALL single, some married that she surrounds herself with. Far more men than women. I found out that one of these weekly biking buddies was her ex that she dumped after 4 months,* who was the culprit behind the mystery text. She is still friends with him I guess. Two others pine for her,* but she said she has never been sexual with them, BUT, now I remember her stating that she never wanted to ever bring up her sex history. Why?* Well back to the breakup. She told me she loved me and also said that she was upset because I acted skeptical about how much she said she loved me. (I guess I was correct) She said I was the most generous, funny sexy man she has ever been with, and loved my intellect musicianship and business mind. I was lulled into thinking I was good and I started to fall for her, then BAM! The week I buried my friend who committed suicide, she cold heartedly uninvited me to her birthday party and had gone cold ever since. I had written a song for her and recorded it as a B day gift, and she said it was the most heartfelt gift she ever received. Just yesterday she text me crying saying her mother and her listened to it two times on their drive to the mall and was crying. What I cannot understand is if I was that great, why would she suddenly dump me, and go cold and simply walk away like its routine and nothing hurts her?. Can BPD's actually love somebody? and if so, how can they do this and not feel any remorse and show total self absorption? I am going NC, but should I expect a recycle soon if I do? I fell for her, but now think she is quite damaged in the brain and perhaps was more slutty than she led me to believe given all her bike buddies. I say this next thing that concerned me will sound too bad or petty, but I really feel I need to ask this question and get a legit feedback on what I might have been involved with. She was incredible in bed and didn't act like the waif she pretended to be. HERE IS WHERE IT GETS WEIRD: She owned at least 6 vibrators and small items that stimulate herself, and once pulled out a device and said it was never used, but had a vibrator that stimulated both partners. When I looked at it there was a mans P hair on it and it about made me throw up. She shaves because of her extreme bicycling sport,so there was no getting out of that lie. GROSS!. I don't want to make her out to be a villain or crazed sex person because she swore on her fathers grave that she only had two previous boyfriends since her marriage failed. Her husband was a minister and after 25 years of confessing to hiring hookers and cheating, she divorced him. She said she found sexual liberation after her divorce. Now I am wondering if it is true and does the amount of sexual toys in any way indicate her being a promiscuous person? I give her a pass as just having devices, but heard BPD's have lots of sexual partners. At any rate, she dumped me and I have not heard from her, but she said she wants to be friends, which I think they all say that. What should I expect in the near future from her and should I stay NC even if she calls or text? One last thing I also found odd... *She is like that guy in that movie with Julia Roberts that was a clean freak and was way over the top about tidiness. Is that a trait of BPD's? *In closing, she didn't act like she was losing a loved one or anybody near as important as much as how she said I was to her,and I felt nowhere near how she said I made her feel and how much she loved me just two weeks ago. Simply odd and alarming! BTW, we are both 53 years old, so not kids. Thanks, its been a difficult 2 weeks with my friends suicide and now this, but I am thinking that I may have dodged bullet, but think of her all day. So I am curious if anybody can help me identify WHAT JUST HAPPENING AND WHAT TYPE OF WOMAN DOES THIS? After burying a friend who committed suicide the day before you would think she would have pause to not make my life worse at least that week. HELP!!!!
requin Posted July 1, 2014 Posted July 1, 2014 Thank you for your advice everybody. I started dating a woman who after becoming hooked, warned me she had some serious jealousy issues and after a 25 year marriage to a man addicted to porno and hookers, she finally divorced him. That was 8 years ago. All other relationships went sour and the man broke up with her. She is quite attractive and seems sweet, but after telling me that she loved me, she suddenly went cold on me. She has some sort of paranoid disorder that made her think that somebody was following her and bugged her phone. She basically scuttled our relationship overnight. Then came back and calmed down but said she just wasn't ready for a relationship and she took a break from her normal biking adrenaline junkies whom she admitted, ALL were shallow men with baggage themselves, but she surrounds herself with about 10 of these guys at all time's 3x a week, while others who own businesses can't do that biking that much. Sue said often that I was the best man she ever met, loved and would be the marrying type and then BAM!! Well it happened, she broke up with me . BACK GROUND: I am a musician and recorded a song for her birthday which if you may recall from previous post , who after belly aching about whether i was coming to her birthday party which she organized for herself, suddenly uninvited me the day of event. She said she didn't think we should see each other anymore and felt that since I was filed for divorce and was to be final in 30 days, we shouldn't be seen together. I verified from others that it wasn't about another man. But, I now suspect she has eyes on somebody else. She then admitted that she over reacted and I should have been there. Well today, she called and said that she didn't want a relationship with me and that she took a chance at dating me which wasn't her typical man she likes to date. What I found out, is that she only likes men who do distance bicycling and hiking, which she does, but always stated that she does it too much and that she is addicted to it, and does it to run away from her stresses. She does this every Sat/Sun and Wednesday and does hiking and jogging every day she is not doing 100 mile bike rides. I could join her, but I have responsibilities and apparently some of these types are adrenaline junkies and that's all they do. She liked me because she said they were all broke and boring and self absorbed and I was not. In fact I am doing quite well financially and had just treated her to some shopping that she said she never had experienced before, including dining.I own a business that prevents me from taking that much time off for recreation, but was willing to join when I could. She literally has 10 men around her in every FB picture, ALL single, some married that she surrounds herself with. Far more men than women. I found out that one of these weekly biking buddies was her ex that she dumped after 4 months,* who was the culprit behind the mystery text. She is still friends with him I guess. Two others pine for her,* but she said she has never been sexual with them, BUT, now I remember her stating that she never wanted to ever bring up her sex history. Why?* Well back to the breakup. She told me she loved me and also said that she was upset because I acted skeptical about how much she said she loved me. (I guess I was correct) She said I was the most generous, funny sexy man she has ever been with, and loved my intellect musicianship and business mind. I was lulled into thinking I was good and I started to fall for her, then BAM! The week I buried my friend who committed suicide, she cold heartedly uninvited me to her birthday party and had gone cold ever since. I had written a song for her and recorded it as a B day gift, and she said it was the most heartfelt gift she ever received. Just yesterday she text me crying saying her mother and her listened to it two times on their drive to the mall and was crying. What I cannot understand is if I was that great, why would she suddenly dump me, and go cold and simply walk away like its routine and nothing hurts her?. Can BPD's actually love somebody? and if so, how can they do this and not feel any remorse and show total self absorption? I am going NC, but should I expect a recycle soon if I do? I fell for her, but now think she is quite damaged in the brain and perhaps was more slutty than she led me to believe given all her bike buddies. I say this next thing that concerned me will sound too bad or petty, but I really feel I need to ask this question and get a legit feedback on what I might have been involved with. She was incredible in bed and didn't act like the waif she pretended to be. HERE IS WHERE IT GETS WEIRD: She owned at least 6 vibrators and small items that stimulate herself, and once pulled out a device and said it was never used, but had a vibrator that stimulated both partners. When I looked at it there was a mans P hair on it and it about made me throw up. She shaves because of her extreme bicycling sport,so there was no getting out of that lie. GROSS!. I don't want to make her out to be a villain or crazed sex person because she swore on her fathers grave that she only had two previous boyfriends since her marriage failed. Her husband was a minister and after 25 years of confessing to hiring hookers and cheating, she divorced him. She said she found sexual liberation after her divorce. Now I am wondering if it is true and does the amount of sexual toys in any way indicate her being a promiscuous person? I give her a pass as just having devices, but heard BPD's have lots of sexual partners. At any rate, she dumped me and I have not heard from her, but she said she wants to be friends, which I think they all say that. What should I expect in the near future from her and should I stay NC even if she calls or text? One last thing I also found odd... *She is like that guy in that movie with Julia Roberts that was a clean freak and was way over the top about tidiness. Is that a trait of BPD's? *In closing, she didn't act like she was losing a loved one or anybody near as important as much as how she said I was to her,and I felt nowhere near how she said I made her feel and how much she loved me just two weeks ago. Simply odd and alarming! BTW, we are both 53 years old, so not kids. Thanks, its been a difficult 2 weeks with my friends suicide and now this, but I am thinking that I may have dodged bullet, but think of her all day. So I am curious if anybody can help me identify WHAT JUST HAPPENING AND WHAT TYPE OF WOMAN DOES THIS? After burying a friend who committed suicide the day before you would think she would have pause to not make my life worse at least that week. HELP!!!! Wow. A few paragraphs would have helped that reading experience! I don't know anything about BPD but this woman has some serious and I do mean serious issues and I"m really not even sure why you are wondering what to do w/ her. The answer is obvious. Get out while you still can. Are you the type who likes to rescue, be a savior? Help the poor unfortunate? Because it almost sounds like it, and if so a woman like this would appeal to you. She's a mess. I won't even try to go into in what ways. I'm sorry for your misfortune here. She seems unfeeling and selfish and narcisstic. Good luck..
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