Atem Posted July 1, 2014 Posted July 1, 2014 So I've been reading around on this forum and it seems like every 3rd or 4th post is about getting an ex back - whether it's a girl or a guy pining doesn't matter - the split actually seems pretty even. After reading a few stories, I'm just wondering: Why would you want an ex back after being with him/her CLEARLY did not work out? And as a sub-question: Why would you want an ex back after YOU dumper him/her? I understand that when a person leaves your life, you feel a void that you want to close but why do so many people arrive at the "conclusion" that the only way to close this void is bu placing the person that caused it in the first place back into it? It just doesn't entirely make sense to me... Also, on a separate topic, how would you even "win" an ex back? I mean, if you dumped them, they'd be mindbogglingly stupid to just get back with you after you've jsut shown them that they can go **** themselves (essentially...). On the converse, if you were dumped, why'd you think that the dumper will ever come back and how would you make him/her do so? The human psyche is an odd thing... So - please share your thoughts. PS: Full disclosure - I just broke up with my GF and, NO, I don't want her back. I definitely miss her but I ditched her for a reason.
David87 Posted July 1, 2014 Posted July 1, 2014 Some pople learn the hard way thats all. And most of them see their ex in different light, like they're made out of gold.
Smarty Pants Posted July 1, 2014 Posted July 1, 2014 After time passes I think the dust settles and if both people are on good terms then there is nothing wrong with trying again. After some time, it becomes a new relationship. I dated my ex from high school for 3 years and we both went off to the same college. Neither of us were quite happy so we broke up. Year and a half later we started back up again. It wasn't the same. We both loved each other but it was different. Two years after that we are very good friends and talk often. I've gotten back with all my exes after some time has passed. Most of them were in college so it may just be the atmosphere of not taking the breakups so seriously.
OwMyEyeball Posted July 1, 2014 Posted July 1, 2014 After reading a few stories, I'm just wondering: Why would you want an ex back after being with him/her CLEARLY did not work out? Powerful emotions driven by biochemical withdrawal symptoms and the abrupt severance of a significant source of identity/purpose/direction tend to obscure clarity. And as a sub-question: Why would you want an ex back after YOU dumper him/her? Circumstances that led to the decision eventually change. The honeymoon period with a new lover fades. Painful memories of events that precipitated the breakup recede. Absence from familiarity becomes more apparent, possibly uncomfortable. Regret sets in. Reflection and revision may unearth new truths or conjure up self-deceit. Knowledge of the ex's progress without you may cause feelings of inadequacy. I understand that when a person leaves your life, you feel a void that you want to close but why do so many people arrive at the "conclusion" that the only way to close this void is bu placing the person that caused it in the first place back into it? Aside from the actual physical suffering (tightened chest, irritable digestion, cramps, etc.) there is the deeper psychological trauma of ego adjusting to the new circumstances. The more that identity is tied to the ex, the greater the suffering when that person leaves. Expectations brought on by familiarity and future plans are ripped away. The person feels lost and fearful. Self-doubt sets in. Anger. Depression. Suffering. At the time, what solution to such suffering seems most rational? To replace what was lost. Since many relationships feel so unique, so irreplaceable, the only reasonable replacement is the ex. It just doesn't entirely make sense to me... Also, on a separate topic, how would you even "win" an ex back? I mean, if you dumped them, they'd be mindbogglingly stupid to just get back with you after you've jsut shown them that they can go **** themselves (essentially...). Relationships can be and are ended without the undertone of "go **** yourself". On the converse, if you were dumped, why'd you think that the dumper will ever come back and how would you make him/her do so? Sky's the limit on this answer. We're never lacking for reason when the heart demands it. 4
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