Sponge_Cake Posted July 1, 2014 Posted July 1, 2014 Hi guys and girls. Okay, so my LD relationship isn't quite as difficult as some on here. But we still live around 5 hours away from each other. Yes we both reside in the UK, so no borders, water or issues separating us in that way. However, it's still very difficult not to be able to see each other everyday as I would like to. We've been talking everyday since January and "involved" since March. We have met in person around 8 times and are due to see each other again next weekend. I feel totally and utterly besotted with him, we have spoken about the future and what will happen and I have said I am happy to go up to live with him. That means leaving my job, my friends and family behind. He said he wouldn't expect me to move to his actual home town but somewhere nearby maybe. Yes, it's quite a big step but I'm not going to take it lightly, I will be sensible about it and probably won't move until at least another 6 months have passed well and without issue. I'm very nervous about telling my friends and family about my decision eventually, as I'm not sure they will understand. Has anyone else been in a similar situation? Many thanks.
d0nnivain Posted July 1, 2014 Posted July 1, 2014 It's too soon. You need more then 8 dates before you upend your life. If you must move don't go until you have a job. Get your own place to live. Going from OL, to LDR to living together is a reciepe for disaster then you will be stuck 5 hours away from your family with no support.
Author Sponge_Cake Posted July 1, 2014 Author Posted July 1, 2014 It's too soon. You need more then 8 dates before you upend your life. If you must move don't go until you have a job. Get your own place to live. Going from OL, to LDR to living together is a reciepe for disaster then you will be stuck 5 hours away from your family with no support. Well I'm not going just yet, I said if things are still going well in around 6 months time. We are going on holiday together next month for a week...surely I will sort of see what it's like living with him then, no distractions, just us, away together. How long do you wait ideally then? I've never been in a situation like this before. I don't want us to be apart for much longer...it hurts too much when we are apart. I would find a job first and I have a lot of back up savings behind me. If it truly didn't work, I could always move back home, it's not as if I'm moving countries or anything like that.
d0nnivain Posted July 1, 2014 Posted July 1, 2014 I don't know how long you wait but I do think that spending time in his part of the country after the 6 month mark is an OK 1st start. By the time you have to explain any potential relocation to your friends & family hopefully you will have been together for at least 1 year & they will have met him.
TAV Posted July 1, 2014 Posted July 1, 2014 I know we all come here for advice from people who are experiencing or have been experiencing the same. However, I think every relationship is different. I think next to the very wise and useful advice you receive here you should also trust your feelings, instincts etc. So don't rush into things without exploring them properly first but when you know this is that special don't let yourself be held back by other people's bad experiences. The ony guarantees in life is that you will die one day. All else is up to chance. 2
HeavenOrHell Posted July 1, 2014 Posted July 1, 2014 I would wait until the honeymoon phase is over, my ex promised a lot in the early days when he was excited about us, then couldn't do it, but you're waiting a few months more anyway, and like you say, if it doesn't work out you can go back home as you're not moving countries. I would try and spend longer than a week together soon if you can. Good luck, sounds like you are being careful and thinking it all through. Well I'm not going just yet, I said if things are still going well in around 6 months time. We are going on holiday together next month for a week...surely I will sort of see what it's like living with him then, no distractions, just us, away together. How long do you wait ideally then? I've never been in a situation like this before. I don't want us to be apart for much longer...it hurts too much when we are apart. I would find a job first and I have a lot of back up savings behind me. If it truly didn't work, I could always move back home, it's not as if I'm moving countries or anything like that. 3
nomadic_butterfly Posted July 2, 2014 Posted July 2, 2014 Everyone's advice is spot on. If you met 8 times for like 5 days to a week at a time I'd say it's a decent estimate but if it's just for 2 days, that's just 16 days total together. Definitely give it that year mark and try to see if you can do two more one week trips before you move. Also make sure he's sacrificing something too. Don't ever make the mistake of being the only one giving up stuff. He needs to meet you somewhere in the middle to prove he is equally invested in making it work! And yes, have all your ducks in a row so that if God forbid it falls through you don't fall flat on your face, destitute, empty handed and heart broken. Hi guys and girls. Okay, so my LD relationship isn't quite as difficult as some on here. But we still live around 5 hours away from each other. Yes we both reside in the UK, so no borders, water or issues separating us in that way. However, it's still very difficult not to be able to see each other everyday as I would like to. We've been talking everyday since January and "involved" since March. We have met in person around 8 times and are due to see each other again next weekend. I feel totally and utterly besotted with him, we have spoken about the future and what will happen and I have said I am happy to go up to live with him. That means leaving my job, my friends and family behind. He said he wouldn't expect me to move to his actual home town but somewhere nearby maybe. Yes, it's quite a big step but I'm not going to take it lightly, I will be sensible about it and probably won't move until at least another 6 months have passed well and without issue. I'm very nervous about telling my friends and family about my decision eventually, as I'm not sure they will understand. Has anyone else been in a similar situation? Many thanks. 2
Els Posted July 2, 2014 Posted July 2, 2014 (edited) Hi OP, It's good that you are waiting for another 6 months. I agree that this is something you have to be careful about, and you need to go into it with eyes wide open as well. Nomadic_butterfly is spot on about making sure that you're not always the only one sacrificing all the time. That being said, I did move to be with my SO after we had spent about 3 months together IRL in total, spread over 2 years of LDR. That was several years ago and it was one of the best decisions of my life. Aside from the relationship working out, I had the opportunity to see and live in another country, an adventure all on its own. I also fell in love with this place as soon as I landed. I disagree with whomever said you absolutely need to get a place of your own. That depends entirely on your situation - there are people who have moved in together right away and had things work out, but there are also people who prefer to live separately at first. Him letting you live with him rent-free could be part of his own sacrifice in reuniting the two of you. At least in that case if things don't work out and you choose to return to your original location, you wouldn't have eaten through a large portion of your savings by signing a lease of your own (although if money isn't an issue then this point is moot). Telling friends and family is always hard. People may not always understand. But you shouldn't let that affect what you do in life, in general. Edited July 2, 2014 by Elswyth 2
Author Sponge_Cake Posted July 2, 2014 Author Posted July 2, 2014 I guess the difference for me, that I didn't mention in the original post is that I want to leave this town...I've sort of had enough of it now. Where he lives is so much nicer and I've sort of fallen in love with it so it's my decision to move. He said he would move for me, if I wanted him to. 1
umirano Posted July 2, 2014 Posted July 2, 2014 6 months will not be enough in my experience. I'd look at the 1y or 2y mark. Relationships change significantly over the course of two years, especially if they are new and if the people in the relationship are young ( <30 )
Els Posted July 3, 2014 Posted July 3, 2014 I guess the difference for me, that I didn't mention in the original post is that I want to leave this town...I've sort of had enough of it now. Where he lives is so much nicer and I've sort of fallen in love with it so it's my decision to move. He said he would move for me, if I wanted him to. You and me both. So, go for it. But do make sure you have a safety net of sorts. Moving always costs money, and you shouldn't empty your personal savings on it.
Author Sponge_Cake Posted July 4, 2014 Author Posted July 4, 2014 I've never felt like this about anyone before and I'm not exaggerating...I've been in a 4, nearly 5 year relationship before now...which wasn't long distance. And even that didn't measure up to this. I can't bear the distance between us, it's killing me, it's been 12 days since I saw him last and although that's not an unbearable amount of time by any means, I still find it difficult to cope with everyday. Some days are better than others...but this weekend for example, he can't talk to me on Skype like we normally do because he is with family he hasn't seen in a while...which is fine but makes me miss him even more. I'm not going to make any silly decisions about moving without thinking them through first of course.
d0nnivain Posted July 4, 2014 Posted July 4, 2014 If you would move there even if you hadn't met him, go as soon as you get a job. If you are only moving for him, wait 1
Author Sponge_Cake Posted July 4, 2014 Author Posted July 4, 2014 If you would move there even if you hadn't met him, go as soon as you get a job. If you are only moving for him, wait I would move there anyway because I want to get out of this town! It's just a bonus that he is there too.
justwhoiam Posted July 4, 2014 Posted July 4, 2014 He said he wouldn't expect me to move to his actual home town but somewhere nearby maybe. Read that again and again. He's not sure he wants you in his town. That's not reassuring, and I wouldn't leave my town to go anywhere nearer him, until when he's more than sure he wants me. Time is not ripe, and he's talking about the future. So time's not ripe in 6 months either. 1
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