Tally123 Posted June 6, 2014 Posted June 6, 2014 Help! I have deleted ex off FB since our last text conversation. it has been a month since we last spoke and I have just received another text/breadcrumb from him. Asking how I am and telling me something that he has to go to (pretty irrelevant). I know I shouldn't reply, but its hurting me that he probably thinks I don't care about him and have moved on! Part of me wanted him to text and now he has I wish he hadn't!!!
somecamel Posted June 6, 2014 Posted June 6, 2014 Help! I have deleted ex off FB since our last text conversation. it has been a month since we last spoke and I have just received another text/breadcrumb from him. Asking how I am and telling me something that he has to go to (pretty irrelevant). I know I shouldn't reply, but its hurting me that he probably thinks I don't care about him and have moved on! Part of me wanted him to text and now he has I wish he hadn't!!! Why do you care what he thinks?
David87 Posted June 6, 2014 Posted June 6, 2014 I know it hurts.....keep ignoring and don't break NC.
Author Tally123 Posted June 6, 2014 Author Posted June 6, 2014 Why do you care what he thinks? ....Because I still love him....
Author Tally123 Posted June 6, 2014 Author Posted June 6, 2014 I know it hurts.....keep ignoring and don't break NC. He is a good person - I don't want him to feel bad or think that I don't care. In a way I know this is selfish of him. I told him last time we spoke that I cant just be his friend etc and now this.....
David87 Posted June 6, 2014 Posted June 6, 2014 He keeps trying to talk to you because he moved on....the sad part is that he doesn't realize that you still care for him. 1
Author Tally123 Posted June 10, 2014 Author Posted June 10, 2014 Hello everyone, Just messaging here rather than messaging ex. I have been doing okish the last few days. Ex text me couple of days ago and I haven't replied. Today ive had some bad news and I feel totally devastated again. All I want to do is text him and speak to him. I want to reply but I know that it will get me nowhere and I will be feeling alone again and it will be a reminder that he doesn't want to be with me. I cam across a pic of him this morning on his friends social media (I don't know why I am doing this to myself) and he looks happy and then I realised I don't know him anymore. This picture is of a person who I still love with all my heart, but who is a stranger! Now I feel panicky, I want to scream, run, see him, not see him, cry! Sorry for the rant - today is a bad day and surprisingly I woke up in a good mood this morning and didn't have a bad dream about him last night. I miss him so much and as I write this at work the tears are streaming down my face I hope everyone is having a good day T
Elle1975 Posted June 10, 2014 Posted June 10, 2014 Hello everyone, Just messaging here rather than messaging ex. I have been doing okish the last few days. Ex text me couple of days ago and I haven't replied. Today ive had some bad news and I feel totally devastated again. All I want to do is text him and speak to him. I want to reply but I know that it will get me nowhere and I will be feeling alone again and it will be a reminder that he doesn't want to be with me. I cam across a pic of him this morning on his friends social media (I don't know why I am doing this to myself) and he looks happy and then I realised I don't know him anymore. This picture is of a person who I still love with all my heart, but who is a stranger! Now I feel panicky, I want to scream, run, see him, not see him, cry! Sorry for the rant - today is a bad day and surprisingly I woke up in a good mood this morning and didn't have a bad dream about him last night. I miss him so much and as I write this at work the tears are streaming down my face I hope everyone is having a good day T Hello.. Sorry about the bad news... Now.. pull yourself together, as you are at work. It's a small relapse. Go to the bathroom maybe, and dry your eyes, then decide you'll cry tonight, at home. Give yourself a time window to do so. I know it sounds silly, but don't let yourself mop around all day. Decide "enough is enough". Since you went on facebook and saw one of his pictures, try and find a way to block yourself from seeing them, or delete/suspend your account. Put strategies in place to avoid getting another setback.
Author Tally123 Posted June 10, 2014 Author Posted June 10, 2014 I am in the office on my own today, so fortunately no one is around to see it. The tears have stopped for the moment, but the panicky feeling is still very much there! Not sure where the calmness has gone today. I thought I would feel better not texting him back, but maybe if I did respond then that might help? As I write that, it sounds ridiculous. I didn't like the thought of him thinking I hated him and didn't want to speak to him, but in the pic he looks ok, so maybe I was fooling myself with that notion. Sometimes when I think I am getting better, something else happens and brings me back right to it again. The picture I saw of his friends is a website that I do not need an Account for, so it will take pure will power on my part from now on not to look
Author Tally123 Posted July 1, 2014 Author Posted July 1, 2014 So, some of you might know my story. Broken up for three months with bf of year and a half, thought he was the love of my life (still madly in love with him). He has text me a few times since we split and I replied, last time I didn't - I realised I needed to move on for my own sanity. Was my birthday on Friday and low and behold he text me, I wasn't expecting him to. I just said "cheers" to be polite, no expectations, I didn't want him to text me again. He starts texting me, asking about my life and there I am replying, not with feeling, just short answers, but replying all the same. As I am doing it, I am saying to myself "what the hell are you doing". Finally I snap and say I cant do this, its too difficult and to take care. He says he understands but that he likes to know how I am and hopes that we can talk again. This then upsets me and I say I cant be buddies, that what we had, it meant too much, not over it, even though he might be. He replied that he is not over it and that what we had meant so much to him and that he hopes when I am ready we can see each other....WTF???! of course we cant. I am on a mini vacation right now and this has just brought me down massively. I am not after advice, I know the protocol, but I am angry at myself for replying, I am feeling terrible, the final goodbye almost. I wont hear from him now unless I message him - which will not happen. People who want their exes to text them, please think again. I was feeling happy this weekend, now I feel terrible. I want to be angry at him for being selfish, but it is me I should be angry at for being so weak. Hope everyone is feeling ok today. T
Zahara Posted July 1, 2014 Posted July 1, 2014 Don't let it bring you down. Nothing has changed from the time you were enjoying your vacation just before he texted to this very moment. He just came and distracted you for a bit. There is no reason you can't get back there again. This was actually a good thing. Sometimes we all need one last knock over the head to finally realize that the pain of NC is far more bearable than the pain of contact. This will now keep you on the right track. 3
Author Tally123 Posted July 1, 2014 Author Posted July 1, 2014 I am trying not to, but every time we speak it is just a reminder that he does not want to be with me...that is hard. It dregs up old feelings and that is never good. But yes, this is probably what I needed. He knows I didn't not text him back last time because I hated him, it was because it was too difficult. Back to Day 1 NC. I hope I can do this Thanks Zahara as always!
lovebug_5858 Posted July 1, 2014 Posted July 1, 2014 You can! take this as a lesson, and move forward. Remember how you are feeling at this very moment next time you're contemplating breaking NC. We believe in you!
Zahara Posted July 1, 2014 Posted July 1, 2014 I am trying not to, but every time we speak it is just a reminder that he does not want to be with me...that is hard. It dregs up old feelings and that is never good. But yes, this is probably what I needed. He knows I didn't not text him back last time because I hated him, it was because it was too difficult. Back to Day 1 NC. I hope I can do this Thanks Zahara as always! You can. You were doing it before assclown texted you. He just strirred up those feelings for a bit. It'll simmer down. I'm not sure where you are but try to focus on your new surroundings. Just know that he'll be back. These types of selfish will always come sniffing around when they need attention.
Author Tally123 Posted July 1, 2014 Author Posted July 1, 2014 You can! take this as a lesson, and move forward. Remember how you are feeling at this very moment next time you're contemplating breaking NC. We believe in you! thank you lovebug - I believe in all of you too
Author Tally123 Posted July 1, 2014 Author Posted July 1, 2014 You can. You were doing it before assclown texted you. He just strirred up those feelings for a bit. It'll simmer down. I'm not sure where you are but try to focus on your new surroundings. Just know that he'll be back. These types of selfish will always come sniffing around when they need attention. Thank you Zahara. He definitely wont be sniffing around again. Only if I text him first. I don't know, maybe I am being naïve that he did not want, attention, but that he was genuinely asking after my well being because he is a caring person. I always thought he was the most caring person I had ever met, but hey! Actually, I had a great date on Saturday night and felt rather happy - maybe they can feel it when you start to move on?
lovebug_5858 Posted July 1, 2014 Posted July 1, 2014 Although you may believe that, he no longer has the right to ask about your well being, he chose not to be in your life and he can't keep coming back whenever he gets bored.
Zahara Posted July 1, 2014 Posted July 1, 2014 Thank you Zahara. He definitely wont be sniffing around again. Only if I text him first. I don't know, maybe I am being naïve that he did not want, attention, but that he was genuinely asking after my well being because he is a caring person. I always thought he was the most caring person I had ever met, but hey! Actually, I had a great date on Saturday night and felt rather happy - maybe they can feel it when you start to move on? They can smell it! It has always happened to me. Just when I am moving on, they come back sniffing. The thing is, when you care about someone, you give them all the space and time they need to heal and recover. You don't step in and jeopardize their healing because you need to know how they are. How would you expect them to be after a break-up? And how would you think that your presence would be any good for them when you are their pain? He may care for you, but in the end, his own needs superseded yours. 1
Author Tally123 Posted July 1, 2014 Author Posted July 1, 2014 They can smell it! It has always happened to me. Just when I am moving on, they come back sniffing. The thing is, when you care about someone, you give them all the space and time they need to heal and recover. You don't step in and jeopardize their healing because you need to know how they are. How would you expect them to be after a break-up? And how would you think that your presence would be any good for them when you are their pain? He may care for you, but in the end, his own needs superseded yours. yes - I never believed that, but it just may be right when you start moving on! You are right. I have told him before that I cannot just be "friends" and he knows how devastated I have been. I never text him back last time and I thought he would respect that. He knows I could never meet up with him - I suppose that is him being selfish!
Zahara Posted July 1, 2014 Posted July 1, 2014 yes - I never believed that, but it just may be right when you start moving on! You are right. I have told him before that I cannot just be "friends" and he knows how devastated I have been. I never text him back last time and I thought he would respect that. He knows I could never meet up with him - I suppose that is him being selfish! Yes, it's disrespectful that he breaks your boundary. He may care for you but in the end, he still needs to satisfy his own need before yours -- and knowing full well that you said you can't maintain contact was a big indicator that contact is not welcomed at the moment because of your pain. Try to enjoy this vacation. It's not often one can go take time off and get some time to themselves. Don't let him ruin it for you. Take in your surroundings and no more thinking of him. You can do that if you want to when you come back. Shut him out for now!
HeartbrokenNewbie Posted July 1, 2014 Posted July 1, 2014 I think he does want to be with you or atleast wants to maybe try... I dont know the history but cant you guys start right back at the beginning? x he wants to talk again as he doesnt want to let you go x
Author Tally123 Posted July 1, 2014 Author Posted July 1, 2014 I think he does want to be with you or atleast wants to maybe try... I dont know the history but cant you guys start right back at the beginning? x he wants to talk again as he doesnt want to let you go x Thank you for your message - though no this ship has definitely sailed, he definitely does not want to get back together. He knows how much I love him still and has not taken any opportunity to do anything about it. It is ok, I knew from pretty early on that there was never any going back. Doesn't always make it easier though unfortunately
Zahara Posted July 1, 2014 Posted July 1, 2014 I think he does want to be with you or atleast wants to maybe try... I dont know the history but cant you guys start right back at the beginning? x he wants to talk again as he doesnt want to let you go x It would be best to read her history before offering such advice as it may only confuse her more. The ex left her and said he wasn't feeling it anymore. Coupled with her anxiety issues -- he should know better not to breadcrumb the situation -- if he wants to get back together, there is more to be done than the occassional hello. This recent contact was enough for him to take that step if he had intent to try again. 1
sugarlove Posted July 1, 2014 Posted July 1, 2014 Whenever I doubt myself, I refer to my sig below. It makes me smile and keep me focussed on NC. I do agree that he hasn't said the right words if he indeed want you back. You know him best, if you think he is not being sincere about it, just go back to NC. You can do it and you have done it!
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