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Girlfriend broke up with me because she wants to be in a relationship with anyone?

gggg1234

By gggg1234
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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gggg1234 New Member

gggg1234

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She said she didn't want to be with me because she didn't want to be in a relationship with anyone, not just me, wanting to focus on herself and be alone (even though she's gone out with friends, so idk what she meant by "alone"). Despite this, she said she's still in love with me, so how am I supposed to feel? She told me to try to move on, but how can I if I don't know how she feels about me? She also said that if I end up liking someone else, to ask her if she still likes me:s

 

This happened almost a month ago and we spoke a couple days after that as I wanted closure. She wanted no contact, but I asked anyway and she was fine with giving me the closure that I needed, I know she's a caring person. We haven't talked since then. A bit after that, I texted her about two or three times (one had this big loving paragraph that she sent me the previous month in which I asked her if she remember it and the other was saying something like "I miss you so much", but she didn't reply and got her mother to call me, who was telling me that my (ex now) girlfriend doesn't want to be in a relationship:s

 

I know I can't change how someone else feels, but I keep having lots of awful thoughts, such as: What if she meets someone else? (even though she said she's not looking for a relationship) What if she does sexual things with other guys?

 

How do I stop thinking about this?

 

I also keep wondering what she's doing and it stresses me out so much. Kinda tying into this, she blocked me on Instagram but I keep checking hers almost everyday, usually late at night before I'm about to go to sleep (I made a new account just to do this, which is pathetic but I can't seem to help it).

 

Also, she's broke up with me a few times a couple/few months ago for this same reason but she always ended up coming back to me, one time was from me begging I think (pathetic again, I know) and another was her begging for me back? There have also been other times where we've broken up, but we've always gotten back together. But I don't know about this time, we haven't ever not spoken for this long.

 

I'm 17, almost 18 and she's 16 and she broke up with me a day before we would've been together for 2 years and 4 months by the way.

 

I keep grasping onto the thought of her wanting me back. She is also the only person I can truly be myself around and the same is with her. We're on the same wavelength and I can talk to her about absolutely anything or act weird around her without feeling uncomfortable at all and she feels the same. Also, basically everything seems to remind me of her (clothes, toys, places, sounds, etc.).

 

This just seemed to come out of the blue, I don't know. I mean, yeah, it's happened before but I really didn't expect it to happen again. I find everything about her attractive (her personality, face, body, etc.) and no one else even compares to her. I can't see myself with anyone else.

 

I mean, if there was a way to get her back, I'd considering trying it. (if someone could give me some suggestions that would be very much appreciated). But if that's not what I should do, what should I do?

 

Thank you so much for reading this and if I've missed anything out, I'll edit my post. Sorry about the fairly lengthy post by the way:s

 

EDIT: I was reading about the Grass Is Greener Syndrome, is my situation anything relating to that? My ex didn't mention anything about wanting to date other guys though (which seems like a major symptom in the GIGS) and she's always truthful and honest with me, so I believe that.

Edited by gggg1234
Ordinaryday Established Member

Ordinaryday

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I'm really REALLY SORRY to be the one to break this to you but in 99% of cases the "I can't handle/don't want/am not ready to be in a relationship right now" line is just a 'polite' code for "I am ready and do want to be in a relationship right now.... but not with you".

 

I speak from experience. once a girl dumped me with that line and I stupidly believed her only to find out through a mutual friend that she hooked up with another guy ONE DAY after dumping me.

 

other people (even on this board) have told me of similar experiences.

 

take that line with a grain of salt, sorry to be the bearer of bad news.

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gggg1234 New Member

gggg1234

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I'm really REALLY SORRY to be the one to break this to you but in 99% of cases the "I can't handle/don't want/am not ready to be in a relationship right now" line is just a 'polite' code for "I am ready and do want to be in a relationship right now.... but not with you".

 

I speak from experience. once a girl dumped me with that line and I stupidly believed her only to find out through a mutual friend that she hooked up with another guy ONE DAY after dumping me.

 

other people (even on this board) have told me of similar experiences.

 

take that line with a grain of salt, sorry to be the bearer of bad news.

 

That may be true, but I don't know, she's always been so truthful and honest with me:s

Ordinaryday Established Member

Ordinaryday

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Posted
That may be true, but I don't know, she's always been so truthful and honest with me:s

 

yeah but she doesnt want to 'hurt' you (anymore than necessary) so she thinks that this 'line' will ease the pain more than the truth will. she also wants to ease her own guilt by breaking up 'nicely'. I speak from experience.

d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

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For whatever reason she's done with your relationship. As othersm including you have pointed out, she is a nice person & doesn't want to be the source of your pain. That doesn't mean she wants you back.

 

It's summer. Enjoy yourself. Hang out with your buddies. Meet new girls. Do not focus on her.

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gggg1234 New Member

gggg1234

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yeah but she doesnt want to 'hurt' you (anymore than necessary) so she thinks that this 'line' will ease the pain more than the truth will. she also wants to ease her own guilt by breaking up 'nicely'. I speak from experience.

 

I appreciate you speaking from experience. It's just, I kept asking her if that was the real reason and she seemed sincere in saying yes.

 

For whatever reason she's done with your relationship. As othersm including you have pointed out, she is a nice person & doesn't want to be the source of your pain. That doesn't mean she wants you back.

 

It's summer. Enjoy yourself. Hang out with your buddies. Meet new girls. Do not focus on her.

 

I guess, I just keep thinking that maybe she'll want me back as that's what has happened many times in the past. Breaking up with me makes her the source of my pain though, doesn't it?

 

I wish I could but I barely have any friends and I'm kinda socially awkward! She was my best friend too D: Oh yeah, that reminds me, she said that we're still friends, but c'mon, seriously? I don't think that it's possible to be friends with an ex, really.

Chi townD Established Member

Chi townD

Posted
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Dude, you are 17 and she is 16. Not to bring you down, but you guys are kids and have a full life ahead of you. Could she be experiencing GIGS? Probably. I mean, she 16 and doesn't want to feel tied down. She wants to hang out with her friends and partying.

 

 

Not what you wanted to hear. But, you need to be looking at what YOU need to be focusing on. You're almost 18 and should be looking forward to going off to college. Going to University and focusing on your studies as well as making new friendship and getting involved and partying yourself! You got a whole new world right at your doorstep. Time to take that first step out of that door.

 

 

Look, she was your first love. Unfortunately, the majority of us never end up marrying and starting a family with our first loves. And, even if you do, those relationships usually end up in divorce within the first 5 years.

 

 

Even though it hurts and you don't want to believe it's over, I believe it's time to walk away and start your life. You got a big new world to explore

d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

Posted
Posted

Sign up for a summer rec program. Go to the pool / lake near you. Hang out at the Mall. Do anything were other kids your age are.

 

She said you are still friends because again she is a nice person & that is the polite lie everyone says. She doesn't mean you will ever be close & you seem to understand that. Sorry.

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gggg1234 New Member

gggg1234

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Dude, you are 17 and she is 16. Not to bring you down, but you guys are kids and have a full life ahead of you. Could she be experiencing GIGS? Probably. I mean, she 16 and doesn't want to feel tied down. She wants to hang out with her friends and partying.

 

 

Not what you wanted to hear. But, you need to be looking at what YOU need to be focusing on. You're almost 18 and should be looking forward to going off to college. Going to University and focusing on your studies as well as making new friendship and getting involved and partying yourself! You got a whole new world right at your doorstep. Time to take that first step out of that door.

 

 

Look, she was your first love. Unfortunately, the majority of us never end up marrying and starting a family with our first loves. And, even if you do, those relationships usually end up in divorce within the first 5 years.

 

 

Even though it hurts and you don't want to believe it's over, I believe it's time to walk away and start your life. You got a big new world to explore

 

Yeah man, I realise we're kids and stuff, but relationship just felt so serious, so it's hard to let go. I understand where you're coming from though. I guess she could be experiencing some of the symptoms of GIGS, yeah. She's not the party type of person though, but who knows? Neither am I, I hate them:p

 

I've started to focus on my studies and I've started exercising more. I mean, making myself get in better shape is bound to make me feel good, right? Hell, I'd love to create some new friendships, I just don't know who to talk to:p

 

I guess it was pretty stupid to be in a relationship this young, but most people want to be tbh. Like, I miss hugging her and stuff, makes me feel really lonely (so does barely speaking to anyone, but I'm working on that).

 

You're right, the best thing for me to do would be to move on because there's no guarantee that she'll want me back. Sure, it'll take a while, but I'll try. I felt slightly better a couple of days after the breakup, but I've started to feel worse now, which I don't really understand. I just can't stop thinking about what she's doing, like, I really want to know:s

 

I feel like she's not thinking about me, when I'm just sat here spending a lot of time thinking about her? Also, actually having her as a girlfriend made me feel much happier with myself (extreme self-esteem issues, teenage stuff:p) but now I feel much worse about that:s

 

Sign up for a summer rec program. Go to the pool / lake near you. Hang out at the Mall. Do anything were other kids your age are.

 

She said you are still friends because again she is a nice person & that is the polite lie everyone says. She doesn't mean you will ever be close & you seem to understand that. Sorry.

 

Thank you for the suggestions!:p

 

Yeah, that's true.

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