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I have never been able to express my feelings to her..

Demetrisk

By Demetrisk
in General Relationship Discussion

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Demetrisk New Member

Demetrisk

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Hello everyone ,

I don't know if this is the correct section..

I am a new member to the site, and i am 23 years old man . As i am writing this message i am in my bed, local time is around 3:30 in the morning and unable to sleep because i cant stop thinking about her..

Let me share my story... Please if you have time read it although its long

As a person i am very shy around new people and especially women.. It takes me a bit of time to get along with people but when i do i am then very open funny and good person..

I believe that i am also average to good looking person and i work out and eat properly.

The girl...

I met her at University , she is clever, beautiful and everything for me... I always liked her but due to my character i have never been able to tell her..

Around second year at uni i started looking her in the class a lot and she would look back but i would then look away... Sometimes i cought her looking at me... During brakes we sometimes used to sit at same table with other people from the same class and she would lean forward taching her hair looking at me..

Other people from class must have noticed that i or she liked other and left me the only empty chair next to her on purpose.. Another time we went out for a drink and she came and one of my friends told out loud to me her phone number...

Anyway time passed and i never told her about my feelings or made any other move..

We then (fourth year) graduated and we arranged to go out for food and then at a night club...

A person from class called me to tell him if i was going so he would call her and tell her to make reservation... Although i told him that i would go she also called me and asked me if I was going.. It is worth mentioning that i didn't have her number until that time...

Anyway later that night i created a Facebook account and found her.. She posted the previous day many posts.. Like:

-Its ok we dont talk, it only matters that when i looked to find you, you were already looking at me...

-the biggest coward is the man who wakes the love in a woman with no purpose of responding back.

-the love you wanted i had it to give you

And many other...

I couldn't sleep that night.. I kept thinking that those posts might be for me.. That i should call her and ask her to take her to the restaurant with my car..

Anyway i finaly made the decision to call her and she answered.. I asked how she was doing, time that we would go and who is going to come... But i didn't make it to ask her if she would like me to go and get her with my car.. (afraid of rejection )

Long story short..

Because people that i most talk to wouldnt go to the restaurant but only to the night club decided not to go to the food restaurant also... But then that night i got a message from her telling me that she heard that i wouldnt go and told me to go and i responded that i would go.. She then replied ok with xxx ..so i went.. I barely spoke all time at restaurant..as we were sitting far from each other.. I also noticed that nobody kmew that she send me a message because everyone was surprised that i went

Then we went to the night club were we had a very good time and again i couldn't talk to her but sometimes i gave turned and kept looking at her for seconds.. she was the last girl to leave the club..

Now.. I am thinking that i will never see her again and its been two days that i can not sleep again.. If she only knew what I would do for her and how much i love her..

I am not sure if she likes me back the same way but i will never know..

 

What do you think i should do? I am really afraid of rejection...

 

Thanks!

Edited by Demetrisk
d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

Posted
Posted

The prison of fear you have built for yourself will result in a lifetime of loneliness. Even if you ask her for a date & she says no, that pain will be fleeting compared to what you are doing to yourself.

 

If you never ask, she never has the opportunity to say yes. It sounds like she's interested. Short of asking you out herself -- which I'm sensing is a cultural no no -- she's doing everything to give you a green light.

 

When I say ask, I mean ask if she wants to have dinner with you. Do not make any declarations like in your post about how much you love her. That will be premature & creepy.

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Demetrisk New Member

Demetrisk

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Will it sound right if i called her or message and asked her to go out for a coffee with another 2-3 people (men) from University that i am comfortable with?

 

This way i believe that i will be myself in front of her because i will feel comfortable with the rrst of the people their.

 

Then maybe i can understand and be sure from her response and her behavior me if she really likes me or not and this way build a sense of comfort between us and then call her to go out for dinner just the two of us?

d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

Posted
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It's not ideal.

 

 

Asking her to join the group sends the message that she's not special enough for a one on one date but if you can't do it any other way, it's better than not asking at all.

 

 

Your way, you give the impression that you only want to be just friends or worse that you are not a man / that you aren't "strong enough" to take care of her.

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Quiet Storm Established Member

Quiet Storm

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You don't have anything to lose, so bite the bullet and ask her on a date. If she rejects you, at least you won't be kicking yourself 20 years from now because you wimped out.

 

Women are attracted to confidence and we like when a guy knows what he wants and goes for it. After we are in love with you, a man's weak spots and vulnerabilities often become endearing. But in the early attraction phase, this fear and trepidation that you have is a turn off for many women. Push yourself past this fear. Its only an emotion. It only rules you if you let it. Its the same with rejection. If she rejects you, it will suck, but there will be other girls. You will be OK.

 

If you don't ask, you have a 0% chance of going out with her. This is your life, and things aren't going to just happen without some effort. My husband came up to me in gym class, smiling and making conversation. He teased me a little bit, and I thought he was funny. 23 years later we are married with kids. If he had been too scared, we wouldn't be together. He knew he liked me and wasn't afraid to say it.

 

Ask her out on a date, just you and her.

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Demetrisk New Member

Demetrisk

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the difficulty of the situation is the fact that i have never been able to talk to her comfortable..except sometimes when we had exams and i knew very well the subjects...

 

if it was a new girl that i just met it would be much easier.. if i only have done things different from the begging..

 

Also the fact that she doesn't know the real me scares me and makes me think that i may get rejected because of that..

 

But from the other side like you said if i dont call her i will never know.. :confused:

todreaminblue Established Member

todreaminblue

Posted
Posted

I also think its time you asked her on a one on one date, its really hard for both sides of the fence you know, she actually sounds shy, men and women with rejection we all end up feeling let down if we are rejected....if we care that is...... and for this reason when a guy overcomes fear it shows an ability to step up to the plate in spite of fear ....which is actually courageous...it takes courage to face what you are afraid of....women know this......

 

 

 

i know when a guy is scared on approaching to ask me out that shows me he has a vested interest in me, it shows me that he doesn't care about his fear(selfless) more than he cares to get to know me...ill do my very best to put them at ease....i have not rejected one guy who has shown a healthy hesitation...i have rejected cocky guys if those cocky guys persist however, i go out with them ....but a guy who is hesitant gets the green light from the get go....i respect them because if they are afraid of being rejected by me it shows they actually consider me worth knowing......

 

i also know that when you feel fear its natural when you care for someone....soldiers that go into battle with no fear are a liability and a threat.......love is always a battlefield and finding love is the win situation...... we all have to take chances ....

 

 

be confident with your fear in check and step up......it is good you feel it...... just dont let it control you...use it and i honestly dont feel you are going to get rejected from what you have written......so jump............

 

if you have fear then in my experience it means you actually care about the outcome...so use the fear dont let it take control....best wishes...deb

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Demetrisk New Member

Demetrisk

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Ok, although it will be very difficult and a big step for me i will take your advice and call her to ask her out.. Because i know that in the future i will be regreting not calling her.

 

What would be a good place for a first date?

 

How should i tell her so i dont sound desperate and/or creepy ?

In case she says yes should i tell her about my feelings at the date or on phone (i guess that would sound creepy? ) ?

 

Any other suggestions or considerations i should have in mind?

d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

Posted
Posted

A softer approach might be a lunch date. It doesn't have the romantic pressures of the full on dinner date. Pick a quiet cafe with a varied menu. I'm sure there is one near your university.

 

Call her. Say Hi. Ask about her day. Say I was thinking. I'd really like to take you to lunch. How's next _______ [fill in the date, 3-4 days hence]? If she says yes even to a different date / time, say Great. I'll pick you up at ____ [fill in time]

 

Get off the phone.

 

A few people on here will disagree with me, but since you are shy & not great at expressing yourself, I think it would be sweet if you brought her 1 flower when you meet her. I am thinking about a single daisy, sunflower or carnation. DO NOT get a rose. Do not get more than 1. When you get there to pick her up, hand it to her & simply say "for you." Do not elaborate. Don't try cheesy poetry.

 

Talk over lunch. When lunch is over take her back. Say "I'd like to do this again. Maybe dinner next time." When you get a smile, lean over kiss her cheek. [Yes, I know I'm pushing you -- do it anyway]. Say "I'll call you." and leave.

 

Call her the next day to set up dinner.

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