Michael.S Posted July 1, 2014 Posted July 1, 2014 Hi guys, Ive been watching this forum for months and unfortunately Im posting now. My story summed up: Met this girl when I was 12. Known her for 10 years now. I had a little crush on her when she was 12 and she had one on me. I actually think I already loved her then. I remember I would give my life for her, even thinking that when I was 12. Then when we were 15 we actually started to talk 5 hours a day and she basically quit talking to me when she got a boyfriend. Then I met her again when I was 21 and we started talking. She told me she had an ex that doesnt live in the same country and he cheated on her, and hurt her. She broke up they came back together she broke up again. She always had doubts wheter she and him for meant to be. She left a month where she also visited him. After 4 days she realised this ex was still talking to other girls and she left him, this time permanently so I thought. She and I kept talking, but the talking stopped when she got a new boyfriend. It was more of a rebound being a 1 month relationship. I afterwards confessed my love for her and that I probably loved her since Ive met her. She told me she was in love, but she never told me she loved me. We had a great relationship for about 5 months, at least in my experience. We never had sex as she is a virgin but we did do sexual acts and we would talk literally for 11 hours a day. I kind of neglected my education for it. We talked about living together and we always would talk about marriage and children, and where we would live in the future. So we kept talking hours a day then she left to her home country, for a holiday. Which still makes me sad if I think about it. She spend 2 weeks there, and she promised me many many times that she wouldnt meet her ex. She even called me insecure and yelled at me for thinking that she would, when she was with me, as I would consisder it cheating. Then one night she was out, all of a sudden I couldnt contact her, so I kept calling a lot (like 15 times) and messaging like 20 times. I was not thinking rationally and I was so afraid something happened to her. She was oke with it the next day One week later, she told me she hated me for calling that many times and being so concerned. She also told me her ex called her up and they met for coffee (many hours) and talked. She said she wanted to hear what he had to say. That day she also told me I was too crazy for her, and she couldnt handle me and it was my fault for being so concerned. She told me she would only want friendship. I kept acting oke, but always she would provoke fights that day by calling me an idiot or just provoking fights in other ways. Then she completely blocked me (the next day when she broke up with me) on our whatsapp. Afterwards she said she needed time, and if I would give it, we would meet and talk. I waited, she called herself and I asked are we still meeting up? She said I dont know, leave me alone. I left her, but I saw this time she added her ex again on her facebook account. The thing is she added him, after she blocked me (so I wouldnt know). Just three hours after she blocked me. She said it was a coincidence and she would do it anyway if she didnt block me. Now fastforward one month of me desperately breaking no contact and really losing my pride and honor in this by calling when she keeps treating me pretty bad. Actually she neve r once picked up her phone. I told her I hated it that she could start a relationship, fill me with hope and trust, and then take it away without talking to me. I really dont believe her and her ex will work out, but she told me we would never even be friends again and that I was just too much for her (things she used to like about me, she now disliked). She says she hates me for contacting her and not leaving her alone. Now she is visiting her ex again. I dont think theyll work out, but what am I supposed to do I think by myself. I mean I loved this girl for so long. Even when we wouldnt talk for 4 years Ive thought about her literally every single day, every single day I would go to her facebook and see her photos, wondering how she was. I never said anything in those 4 years, but I never got over her, because I saw her outside in those 4 years for 3 times and my heart when racing when I saw her. I felt so much love. I just wanted to make her happy, I just wanted to take care of her and work for her, make her smile everyday by just acting like a clown or doing things that makes her happy. I am worried that if I couldnt get over her in those 4 years when we didnt event do anything, not even hug or kiss. (and actually 10 years), how am I supposed to get over her now when we even had sexual contacts and we were so close. I also have that fear that she might get married with him and lose her virginity to him, all those things she promised to me. Im just afraid that I lose her after all these years, that were just done like that. Makes me afraid and feel terrible basically 24-7. Im sorry for the long story, thanks for reading.
David87 Posted July 1, 2014 Posted July 1, 2014 OP this girl doesnt have respect for you she never did, you on the other hand put her on a high pedestal. She doesn't deserve to be there, she treats you badly and with no respect. Forget about her asap. BTW how do you know all the stuff she does with her ex on her fb how? Initiate NC immediately block her and move on. Try to focus on finding a girl that treats you right and with respect .
Author Michael.S Posted July 1, 2014 Author Posted July 1, 2014 OP this girl doesnt have respect for you she never did, you on the other hand put her on a high pedestal. She doesn't deserve to be there, she treats you badly and with no respect. Forget about her asap. BTW how do you know all the stuff she does with her ex on her fb how? Initiate NC immediately block her and move on. Try to focus on finding a girl that treats you right and with respect . I asked her and her sister. She herself told me that her ex is ''relaxed'' and Im too much for her, even though that guy cheated on her, she forgave him and forgot that but she cant ever forget what I did (the not leaving her alone part).
sugarlove Posted July 1, 2014 Posted July 1, 2014 I'll say childhood crushes are not love and you probably feel for her as she's familiar and you are both very close. But do not confuse close friendships as real love. You have to let her live her life as people change day today, more so when she's 12 till now. I reckon she thinks she can be mean to you because you have shown that you will not leave her despite her mistreatments. So what you do now is to disappear. And see if she cares enough to notice. You have such a long life ahead, you're still young from what I can assumed from your tone and your behavior. I understand your anguish because after knowing someone for so long, it's hard not to feel betrayed. But even so, she does not belong to you, she doesn't need to explain any thing to you as she probably didn't regard you as her boyfriend. So it's important to take this as a lesson for future relationships. You will eventually meet someone nicer than who she is. 1
David87 Posted July 1, 2014 Posted July 1, 2014 I asked her and her sister. She herself told me that her ex is ''relaxed'' and Im too much for her, even though that guy cheated on her, she forgave him and forgot that but she cant ever forget what I did (the not leaving her alone part). Girls(people in general) love what they can.t have. You are and allways was too available for her and therefore she took you for granted......learn something from this. 1
Noproblem Posted July 1, 2014 Posted July 1, 2014 You are obsessed with her. This is called addiction to unrequited love. There are books that help you get rid of this addiction. But like any addiction, you can't get rid of it unless you really want to! She does not love you; she used you until she got her loser back. Now she got him back, he'll hurt her again, but she totally deserves that. She is a player like her ex. They suit each other well. It's time for you to pick up your pride, step on your heart, sort up the broken pieces of your life, and start all over again. Open up for new people, new friends, new girls, and new love. But not this girl, never her! Best of luck, you well deserve it. 2
Author Michael.S Posted July 1, 2014 Author Posted July 1, 2014 You are obsessed with her. This is called addiction to unrequited love. There are books that help you get rid of this addiction. But like any addiction, you can't get rid of it unless you really want to! She does not love you; she used you until she got her loser back. Now she got him back, he'll hurt her again, but she totally deserves that. She is a player like her ex. They suit each other well. It's time for you to pick up your pride, step on your heart, sort up the broken pieces of your life, and start all over again. Open up for new people, new friends, new girls, and new love. But not this girl, never her! Best of luck, you well deserve it. I actually think you're right about the obsession part. I see things in her that I find very beautiful, but I dont know if thats real or just an illusion The last 7 years Ive been thinking about her every single day, usually multiple times a day so I might actually be obsessed. Thank you for your comforting words 1
David87 Posted July 1, 2014 Posted July 1, 2014 I actually think you're right about the obsession part. I see things in her that I find very beautiful, but I dont know if thats real or just an illusion The last 7 years Ive been thinking about her every single day, usually multiple times a day so I might actually be obsessed. Thank you for your comforting words I think you re the only one seeing them because, from your story, I didn't see anything nice about this girl.
sugarlove Posted July 1, 2014 Posted July 1, 2014 I think you re the only one seeing them because, from your story, I didn't see anything nice about this girl. Gee, deja vu, I swear I've been told that a million times by my own friends about my ex. I agree that it's time to cut her loose. 10 years is too long to be waiting for someone to love you back. You definitely deserve some sort of reciprocation from another female.
Author Michael.S Posted July 1, 2014 Author Posted July 1, 2014 I think you re the only one seeing them because, from your story, I didn't see anything nice about this girl. You're so right. Many people have told me this and If I think rationally I understand that she has been awful and she might just be an ugly person in the inside even though I hope im wrong. I just dont understand why I then keep loving her. I think its because we made so many plans for the future that I got to attached. But you're right, I should learn from this.
David87 Posted July 1, 2014 Posted July 1, 2014 Gee, deja vu, I swear I've been told that a million times by my own friends about my ex. I agree that it's time to cut her loose. 10 years is too long to be waiting for someone to love you back. You definitely deserve some sort of reciprocation from another female. I bet OP is still a virgin because of this girl. MOVE ON DUDE.
Chi townD Posted July 1, 2014 Posted July 1, 2014 Look, at the end of the day, if you called your girl 15 times trying to get a hold of her because you're concerned, most girls would have been annoyed. BUT! they would also appreciate the fact that there's someone out there that went crazy that they need to know they were safe, they would have found that sweet and endearing. Ultimately, they would come to the conclusion that they should have called and put your concerns at ease. They would have shouldered some of the blame. Your problem is that she was having such a good time with her Ex she couldn't be bothered with you. Now, she needs to demonize you in her mind so she doesn't feel guilty about what she did to you (and you know as well as I do that she cheated on you that day). Now, she convinces herself that your crazy and she doesn't need to be around crazy people. Problem is, she's the crazy one here. This wasn't your fault. Time to walk away and start living your life. She's going to have to live with the guilt of what she's done. One day, it will hit her.
Author Michael.S Posted July 1, 2014 Author Posted July 1, 2014 Look, at the end of the day, if you called your girl 15 times trying to get a hold of her because you're concerned, most girls would have been annoyed. BUT! they would also appreciate the fact that there's someone out there that went crazy that they need to know they were safe, they would have found that sweet and endearing. Ultimately, they would come to the conclusion that they should have called and put your concerns at ease. They would have shouldered some of the blame. Your problem is that she was having such a good time with her Ex she couldn't be bothered with you. Now, she needs to demonize you in her mind so she doesn't feel guilty about what she did to you (and you know as well as I do that she cheated on you that day). Now, she convinces herself that your crazy and she doesn't need to be around crazy people. Problem is, she's the crazy one here. This wasn't your fault. Time to walk away and start living your life. She's going to have to live with the guilt of what she's done. One day, it will hit her. This is exactly what I've been thinking, but she was making me think that it was my fault. So I kept doubting myself, that maybe it was weird what I did. Very reassuring to read that someone else thinks that it wasn't entirely my fault
Chi townD Posted July 1, 2014 Posted July 1, 2014 This is exactly what I've been thinking, but she was making me think that it was my fault. So I kept doubting myself, that maybe it was weird what I did. Very reassuring to read that someone else thinks that it wasn't entirely my fault For being a concerned boyfriend? Totally not your fault. And here's the thing. You need to go no contact with her. Start making positive changes in your life and start healing and moving forward. I have a feeling that when things calm down with her Ex and that honeymoon phase ends with her. She'll reflect on the things that she's done and (considering you haven't reached out to her at all) she'll start to feel guilty. She may try to reach out to you (which is weird, why would the girl reach out to someone she considers controlling and crazy! ). Ignore it. Don't even respond. She's would be trying to gage how much you hate her. Also, if you haven't done it yet, BLOCK HER ON FACEBOOK! 1
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