debs Posted February 18, 2005 Posted February 18, 2005 Ok LS people I need some feedback! Since I am beginning to start to date again...I think I am ready, but not sure about this right now!!!! I need some help with something that is bothering me about this guy I am meeting on Sunday! We have been talking since before my trip to Denver. I enjoy conversing but I am feeling things are not as they seem. He seems to brag alot and his upbringing tends to make me see otherwise! I am not one who needs to be impressed! He plays on a pool league which is not a problem but I am sensing he drinks way to much for my liking? I mean he is at the bar in his hometown allot more than I would think someone at 52 should be. Always has a beer in his hand. I just got off the phone with him and Yes he said he is popping the top off a beer? He can yak a storm and I have to let him know nicely I need to sleep or go etc etc. He didn't come off as desperate but something tells me he is? And has a definate drinking problem!? I am bringing one of my co-workers to the Dayton party this gentleman is hosting at his home so as I have a safety net. Sorry in this day and age one can never be too cautious! Am I really not ready to be bothered with dating or perhaps reading into this too much? All input will be appreciated!
HotCaliGirl Posted February 18, 2005 Posted February 18, 2005 I think you should just cut off the relation before you go over and meet him - that might attach you to him when your best interest is not to be with an alcoholic. Make an excuse not to go out there, take your friend out with you somewhere else local where you can meet a sober person to get into a relationship with and date...
Author debs Posted February 18, 2005 Author Posted February 18, 2005 I agree and yes it is best I just break it off clean before we do meet on Sunday. Unfortunately I am going to hurt the guy by doing so but I see it this way, I do not need an alcoholic type nor an additive type in my life! I am happy as I am right now and the more I think about it, I see I am really not ready yet either nor desperate enough to just grab one coming down the freeway! Being alone is not the worst thing I have my travels, my job and I am just beginning to feel so much better about myself after the drama of the last year! Thanks for the input I will let him know first thing in the am! Now I can quit wondering and analyzing and get some sleep! I really didn't think about it till it took me 20 minutes to get off the phone with him that no this is not a good thing and the red flags are waving high tonight! I know from past experience if I feel uncomfortable about something best to pay attention and DO NOT GO THERE!
Podna Posted February 18, 2005 Posted February 18, 2005 What can it hurt to find out? I mean, show up, have fun, and see. Unless I am much mistaken, isn’t that the point in dating? If you want to see the guy, do. If you find out for sure he drinks too much or is too desperate then jump ship. This is one thing I don’t understand. Women don’t like men who seem overly desperate. OK. Why? Guess what, when men are alone for a long time they get desperate. I think I would be desperate if I were 52 and single. I don’t know, I guess I understand the concept, but wouldn’t it be better to give the guy a chance and see what is really there instead of just making assumptions? You know what they say about assumptions don’t ya? just my $.02
HotCaliGirl Posted February 18, 2005 Posted February 18, 2005 Well, she's not responsible to feel sorry for anyone. By visiting him, she will put herself in a situation where she might get physically and/or emotionally attracted to a man that she knows is not in her best interest. Yea, for him it would be - he is an alcoholic and a sober, nice, sucessful lady with a job, willing to put up with him on his drunken stupor conversations on the phone and travel to see him would be a good catch for HIM. He may be lonely and desperate - that is not the point and I think those men deserve a chance, but for debs, she is not on his wavelength and is better off without him and his drama. It will be more difficult once she meets him to cut off all ties. Now is the time she needs good advice, just cancel the trip, cut off all ties, and move on. That is the best thing to do. Even her instincts/guts tell her so, she is just caught up with a little pressure and feelings of obligations towards showing up for him. Don't go! Get a good night's sleep, cancel it in the morning and move on...!
Author debs Posted February 18, 2005 Author Posted February 18, 2005 Ponda point taken but I already am seeing and feeling the "RED FLAGS!" Why make this poor soul meet me fall goofy ass-ed in love (on his side) and me just bail! I cannot bring myself to use him for a damned meal I have morals and class! Sure if it were a true date not just come join us with all his male friends sitting around watching the Dayton500 and drinking, sure it would seem ominous mind you but a true date maybe I could see him in a different light. I see him as he is alone his wife left him and he feels he didn't do anything wrong? Does spending all free time at the bar drinking ring a bell???? He needs to come out of denial first and deal with his demons! "DRINKING" himself to sleep! I am not about to alter my life to "save" someone from a damned bottle!
Podna Posted February 18, 2005 Posted February 18, 2005 Well, I will have to default to HotCaliGirl's opinion on this one. She seems far more informed on the female perspective than I do. (hmm… I wonder why that is?) I just hate to see people short changed by others with incomplete information. But if you know the guy isn’t right for you, then by all means, don’t go!
Author debs Posted February 18, 2005 Author Posted February 18, 2005 Thanks Hot Girl my sentiments exactly I wanted to know if what I was sensing was what it appeared to be! I have a firm hold on it and Yes first thing in the am I plan on putting this to a dead halt! I do not need an additive personality draining me dry emotionally! Sorry I have a very solid emotional stand on this issue and never placed myself in this position before and I am not about to start now! Good night and thanks again Hot girl!
Podna Posted February 18, 2005 Posted February 18, 2005 Based on what you have said, then I must revise my previous statement and say, don’t go. BTW I think you have class because you are also thinking of him in the deal. Changes my prospective you see. Best of luck!
HotCaliGirl Posted February 18, 2005 Posted February 18, 2005 Keep us posted debs - I want what is best for you, and for him... He won't be happy if he's with someone who's not happy with him anyways. Some people like the drama, but you seem like you have a good head on your shoulder and should just not get involved... Nite for now...
jellybean Posted February 18, 2005 Posted February 18, 2005 Hi Debs! I think it's so cool you're up for dating again Always has a beer in his hand. This guy is not likely a good choice for you.....but I sense new and positve things are going to start coming your way. Keep having fun.....
Author debs Posted February 18, 2005 Author Posted February 18, 2005 Oh I let him down and straight to the point but as gracefully as I could! I slept MUCH better!! Thanks guys when your faced with a delima that late at night and no one is around you can turn to it helped venting about it! Thanks Jellybean and hotgirl and podna! Yes Jellybean I have made enormous strides in moving forward. Gosh to think just last year life was a mess but ya know I learned from it and Yes somehow I did move on! Last thing I am is desperate or needy to date
Recommended Posts