masaki1085 Posted February 18, 2005 Posted February 18, 2005 Thanks, everyone, for reading. I've got a bit that's on my mind. Whatever advice given would be exceptionally helpful. I posted on the "Breaking Up" Forum about a month ago about contemplating a decision to break up with my girlfriend. In case you care for more background information, click here to read. As background information, we had dated for a little more than 3 years. We met at school, but we were also from the same hometown (her former dormmate was a mutual friend), so we saw each other constantly since we met. It started to unravel in the past couple months for a variety of reasons (see my prior post), and I had started to think about breaking up with her. We had a big talk last month, where we finally communicated how we felt, in entirety. Nothing held back. And we almost parted ways then, but we didn't. We both concluded that that was not the time to say goodbye. So we survived about a month, and then she started having really bad feelings again. She called it quits with me on Tuesday night. The reasons were that we had grown apart, and we weren't agreeing on anything anymore. I felt the same way, but I still wanted to work at it. The "spark" as she put it, did not feel to be present anymore. I am still dealing with the fact that this is for the best. In the long run, it will be, and it will help me grow stronger. But I am hurting, quite a bit. I miss her like crazy. I miss talking and laughing and being goofy with each other. I feel like I've lost my companion. I suppose that is pretty normal, right? Anyways, I initiated no contact as soon as the breakup occured. By this, I removed her from my buddy list, along with some of her friends, and I removed her numbers from my phone. My dilemma is this: I have traditionally kept my buddy list as those on my buddy list were the only ones able to contact me. I changed that to allow everyone who had me on their buddy list to see me, when I removed my ex from my buddy list. (In other words, if I hadn't changed the settings, she would not be able to see me and thus not be able to contact me. Now she could, regardless of whether she is in my buddy list or not). So, my question is, should I set my buddy list back to the setting where only people on my buddy list can contact me? If this is the case, my now ex-gf would not be able to contact me via AIM. How do you think this would benefit the No Contact situation? I am doing my best not to contact her. I haven't done so yet. But by changing the setting, if she had wanted to contact me, she could. I just wonder if that is a wise move on my part. I am interested in whatever comments you have on this situation. I especially want to hear from No Foolin', because I have been reading his posts and have taken interest in his philosophy on No Contact. Thanks everyone!
jcs0521 Posted February 18, 2005 Posted February 18, 2005 I think you should leave it as it is. True, she may be able to contact you, but as long as you're not contacting her that's ok. Be interesting to see if she does contact you in future...........but don't hold your breath. Also, you may get chatting to other "interesting" girls, that you don't know yet, and what's the harm in that? How your feeling at the moment is perfectly normal, of course you're going to miss her and probably always have a soft spot for her, that's normal. But one day you will wake up and she won't be the first thought in your mind, it will pass..........you need to grieve, in order to move on. Stronger and happier.
SinceIvebeenlovingU Posted February 18, 2005 Posted February 18, 2005 I had this situation...Don't let her see you on her buddy list...as far as you are considered she is dead to you...How can she miss you when she still knows what your doing...if she see's u online she obviously knows your not out parting or at another girls house....so she has no worries...Your worth more than an IM anyways...make her call you if she wants to talk to you...electronic communication is just a fake way of staying emotionally attached...cut the strings...good luck
LexiB Posted February 18, 2005 Posted February 18, 2005 Change it back. It's better to know that she does not have the option of contacting you. That way when you dont get any messages from her you'll know it's because she can't send you anything not bc she didnt want to---not the greatest feeling. Hey, even if the real reason IS that she doesnt want to, you can delude youself into thinking that you still have the upper hand ~~j/k
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