Themanwithaplan Posted July 1, 2014 Posted July 1, 2014 (edited) Hi, I'm completely new to this site and I've never asked for dating advice online. I've had a bit of an interesting last couple of weeks due to confusing mixed signals. This girl recently approached me and invited me out for drinks with her and her friend+ her date. It's been a while for me, so I was pretty anxious but went with it. We had a great time and made out(she initiated the first time) several times that night which i have never done the first night meeting someone. We ended up exchanging contact info and talked very sporadically through texts a few times discussing a future time to meet up. I've been approached by other girls since my last relationship, but always talk myself out of it for whatever reason.... We ended up going out again for drinks and had a great time. She invited me in for a movie and we just kissed and wound up going to sleep which is ok for me because moving too fast doesn't seem appealing to me. Most girls don't invite any guy over, usually just guys they like or want to have sex with so I was completely sure she was interested. A few days later she asked me to go with her to a show via text and then canceled the next day...We ended up seeing each other a week later and basically had a very similar dating experience to our second time hanging out, drinking, marauding around town, spontaneously kissing, and lots of flirting. Afterwards, we went back to her place and she fell asleep pretty much immediately. The next morning, we had a nice goodbye see you later chat and everything seemed good...A few days later, I called her to go out the following day and she seemed pretty interested even though she was anticipating a busy day. The day of, she cancels due to school/work(:/) and we decide on another day that works for both of us... That day comes and she cancels again due to school/work. I kind of act nonchalant and told her to take care of her business, but not in a mean way or anything. Later that night she apologizes for having to cancel again, and I just said it happens, and that I'd try not to hold it against her(jokingly). I fully support and encourage a healthy and busy lifestyle, but I honestly can't tell if this chick is into me or if she's trying to let me down easy in some perverse way. I would like to pursue this and make it work, but I just don't know. I definitely don't want to pursue if she's not interested. Edited July 1, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Paragraphs and edit title for clarity
d0nnivain Posted July 1, 2014 Posted July 1, 2014 Hi, I'm completely new to this site and I've never asked for dating advice online. I've had a bit of an interesting last couple of weeks due to confusing mixed signals. This girl recently approached me and invited me out for drinks with her and her friend+ her date. It's been a while for me, so I was pretty anxious but went with it. We had a great time and made out(she initiated the first time) several times that night which i have never done the first night meeting someone. We ended up exchanging contact info and talked very sporadically through texts a few times discussing a future time to meet up. I've been approached by other girls since my last relationship, but always talk myself out of it for whatever reason....We ended up going out again for drinks and had a great time. She invited me in for a movie and we just kissed and wound up going to sleep which is ok for me because moving too fast doesn't seem appealing to me. Most girls don't invite any guy over, usually just guys they like or want to have sex with so I was completely sure she was interested. A few days later she asked me to go with her to a show via text and then canceled the next day...We ended up seeing each other a week later and basically had a very similar dating experience to our second time hanging out, drinking, marauding around town, spontaneously kissing, and lots of flirting. Afterwards, we went back to her place and she fell asleep pretty much immediately. The next morning, we had a nice goodbye see you later chat and everything seemed good...A few days later, I called her to go out the following day and she seemed pretty interested even though she was anticipating a busy day. The day of, she cancels due to school/work(:/) and we decide on another day that works for both of us... That day comes and she cancels again due to school/work. I kind of act nonchalant and told her to take care of her business, but not in a mean way or anything. Later that night she apologizes for having to cancel again, and I just said it happens, and that I'd try not to hold it against her(jokingly). I fully support and encourage a healthy and busy lifestyle, but I honestly can't tell if this chick is into me or if she's trying to let me down easy in some perverse way. I would like to pursue this and make it work, but I just don't know. I definitely don't want to pursue if she's not interested. I highlighted portions of your post. She asked you out several times. You initiated once by my count. How much clearer could this woman be that she liked you? If she's backing away now it's because she's interpreting your failure to ask her to do things as you not being into her. I know it's a cliche but send the lady a small bouquet of mixed flowers ( < $20)
Diezel Posted July 1, 2014 Posted July 1, 2014 DO NOT: Send this woman flowers. DO: Meet her interest and sexuality up front. You are playing the long game with this woman when she seems to be a pure firecracker. She was probably expecting you to be a man and so far you've been playing nice. Take control of these situations. She's been leading, it's time for you to take over. DO: Set up a date, because it just seems like everything is on her terms. If she flakes again, you have her answer and you don't need <$20 to do that.
d0nnivain Posted July 1, 2014 Posted July 1, 2014 DO NOT: Send this woman flowers. DO: Meet her interest and sexuality up front. You are playing the long game with this woman when she seems to be a pure firecracker. She was probably expecting you to be a man and so far you've been playing nice. Take control of these situations. She's been leading, it's time for you to take over. DO: Set up a date, because it just seems like everything is on her terms. If she flakes again, you have her answer and you don't need <$20 to do that. I agree that the OP needs to "man up". But she may not be open to letting him try at this point becase she's so dissappointed that he hasn't done much to day. He needs to get her attention & flowers will do that.
IAmRobot Posted July 1, 2014 Posted July 1, 2014 DO NOT: Send this woman flowers. DO: Meet her interest and sexuality up front. You are playing the long game with this woman when she seems to be a pure firecracker. She was probably expecting you to be a man and so far you've been playing nice. Take control of these situations. She's been leading, it's time for you to take over. DO: Set up a date, because it just seems like everything is on her terms. If she flakes again, you have her answer and you don't need <$20 to do that. This. Also please: DO: Paragraph next time your write here. Cheers,
Diezel Posted July 1, 2014 Posted July 1, 2014 he needs to get her attention & flowers will do that. no. No. No. No. No.
Author Themanwithaplan Posted July 1, 2014 Author Posted July 1, 2014 (edited) Well, first off-thanks for the responses despite the fact it sounds like I ****ed up irreparably by not pushing harder for sex. I just figured it's better to go slower than faster early on. As far as the counts on initiating and canceling dates, I've asked her out like 3 times and she's initiated twice. She's canceled 3 times, hours or days ahead of the planned dates. It's been like 6 years since my last relationship/dating experience so this is not exactly easy for me. I'm so ready to write this chick off and get back to my stable yet lonely life. Obviously, i'd prefer to see how things go with this person but I'd hate to waste another minute stressing about a hopeless situation. Edited July 1, 2014 by Themanwithaplan Typos
Diezel Posted July 1, 2014 Posted July 1, 2014 If she invites you to her house and to her bed... enough said.
Author Themanwithaplan Posted July 1, 2014 Author Posted July 1, 2014 I think I'm overthinking this to an extreme degree.
Author Themanwithaplan Posted July 2, 2014 Author Posted July 2, 2014 Can a mod please close this thread? Reason- just gonna be myself. Whatever happens, I'll deal with it.
Assasda Posted July 2, 2014 Posted July 2, 2014 I think you did great man. I can understand you not having sex with her. Your second date, and she's all over you, you might get the "village bicycle" vibe. Anyway, if she cancels on you, be sure that she's the one that reschedules. But, this woman only seems like a good time, and not a stable girl. See other women, she'll come around again, But dont put too much stock into her
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