lonegirl Posted July 1, 2014 Posted July 1, 2014 I am so sorry mods if I'm breaking any rules, but I'm just so unease right now because of this that I decided to post in the breakup section to see if someone here can light my mind up. I just can't sleep because of this, and even having posted the same thing on another section I need responses before I get even more crazy than I already am. I'm dating right now and living together with a boyfriend I love, that loves me as he says, but something happened and I am not being able to get over it so easy. My boyfriend had issues with alcohol in the past, and he can't stop drinking when he starts. He doesn't drink often, just sometimes, but when he does he always needs another drink, and another... Until he passes out. Last week this happened, and having bad times before I decided to let him do what he wanted. He left the house to drink, knowing I don't like it, but to avoid arguments I left him do it and went to bed instead. Annoyed but anyways. He got his keys with him, I locked the door and he left around midnight to a bar close to our home. We both wanted to be parents, but since I was a teenager I knew I had small cysts in my ovaries that make my periods kinda crazy. It's hard to get pregnant and I never could get with any of my other partners (I was married once and had a fiancé and even not preventing I never could get pregnant). When I met my current boyfriend I explained to him I had difficulties in getting pregnant. He even wanting to be a dad said it wouldn't matter and we could adopt a baby in the future because he wanted me. Not being able to get pregnant was always frustrating to me, made me cry many times every time a test came out negative... It's terrible and he knows I suffer because I told him this a lot. Saturday at 6am he arrived home falling drunk, forgot he had the keys and complained I wasn't there to open the door for him. I asked where was his key and then he started a huge fight for NOTHING with offenses towards me, and said something that not even my physically abusive boyfriend ever dared to say to me... He said that I was a piece of **** that couldn't even give him a baby. I wasn't arguing because we had bad times before and I wanted to avoid fights, I didn't deserve to hear this. I said nothing to him, just calmly said that I wasn't responsible if he didn't find his key (he found it later on his pocket). I feel completely broken right now and even after him apologizing BAD and crying for saying that thing ("he didn't mean it"), I feel heartbroken. Am I overreacting? Is it a deal breaker? Should I move on, should I get over? Why can't I forget? Wanted to add our relationship is on rocks lately because we've been having a hard time as I am living with him in his country and I'm adapting to the general culture and other things, which was expected. Some stress is always expected when you move to another city, imagine then to a different country. I'm so heartbroken I wanted to disappear. Feel less than a woman and less than a person.
April Moon Posted July 1, 2014 Posted July 1, 2014 I am so sorry he said that to you. You are not an inferior woman or person. To me, that would be a deal breaker. I would never be able to get over the fact that he said something so cruel. 1
lesdeuxsoleils Posted July 1, 2014 Posted July 1, 2014 Lonegirl, this was VERY harsh. I would say it's a deal-breaker but doesn't have to be permanent depending on some factors. My friend's dad has a drinking problem. She's always upset. He on the other had drinks everyday and doesn't stop either, not till the point that he's falling but falls into bed and has a bad temper, fights and also abuses his wife and shouts, picking up fights on things that are not a big deal. He on the other hand is also very stubborn. Everyone in their family has tried but he will never give up drinking, it always causes fights when talked about. Her mom is upset all the time but doesn't want a divorce at this stage. I think you should take a break. What he said is unacceptable. If you haven't invested a lot in this relationship I would say, get OUT of it. Plus he drinks and he could say it again or something even more hurtful. I see it as RED FLAG! If you still want to be with him, tell him he needs to fix his drinking problem. Go to rehab or whatever it takes. Stay away from him until he fixes his problem before reconciling with him. 2
Author lonegirl Posted July 1, 2014 Author Posted July 1, 2014 Thank you for your replies. I couldn't sleep all night, tried to occupy my head by doing a random job. Before I tried to go to sleep but he filled the whole bed etc, so I went to sleep in the couch and he left to work now very upset. Asked if I'm thinking in leaving or so, I said no and he left angry and that's it. Unfortunately I'm stuck in here. I can't leave til September, which will make my life a true hell for I don't know, three months! He too likes to blame me for things and doesn't think it was a big deal in the end, saying I do bad things too etc. I don't think he even knows I'm so sad because of that still. He was on rehab until March 2013, when I met him he was out of it since three months back... Is a strange behavior, because he almost never drinks, it's like once in a month, two months... But every time is this way and it's getting worse. The fights are harder and the words are becoming much more damaging. I confess I am tired. I like him but I don't know if I can stand this relationship anymore. Two days ago I sat calmly and asked to please break up in good terms, as friends, he didn't accept it. I tried a few times to break up but every time he cries or starts a fight, screams... Jesus, I just wanted some peace. Thank you so much for your replies. I'm not well. Hugs.
lesdeuxsoleils Posted July 1, 2014 Posted July 1, 2014 (edited) Break-up It seems like he won't accept it. Just leave when he's not around, leave a note and go in ignore mode. Initiate no contact. Say you need to be alone for sometime if you really have to answer. But that's what I would do, think about it... Edited July 1, 2014 by lesdeuxsoleils
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