Author GH3 Posted July 1, 2014 Author Posted July 1, 2014 And just so that everyone knows, I do plan on forgiving him. I do love him very much, but I don't want to be such a pushover is the thing.
Elle1975 Posted July 1, 2014 Posted July 1, 2014 And just so that everyone knows, I do plan on forgiving him. I do love him very much, but I don't want to be such a pushover is the thing. Drama is what comes to my mind. Forgive him and move on. If he happens to be a crappy human being and a even worse boyfriend, then dump him. "To plan on forgiving him" just means you're giving the silence treatment or whatever you're using at the moment to "punish" him. You made your point, if he does something similar again, then just walk away. And please stop this "what day is tomorrow" non sense. Next time, just tell him "tomorrow is my birthday".
Author GH3 Posted July 1, 2014 Author Posted July 1, 2014 (edited) Drama is what comes to my mind. Forgive him and move on. If he happens to be a crappy human being and a even worse boyfriend, then dump him. "To plan on forgiving him" just means you're giving the silence treatment or whatever you're using at the moment to "punish" him. You made your point, if he does something similar again, then just walk away. And please stop this "what day is tomorrow" non sense. Next time, just tell him "tomorrow is my birthday". Well I'm not continuing to bother him about it if that's what you mean. I'm not giving him the silent treatment at all. We're still speaking and it's not that he's a bad boyfriend or person, it's that he said something that hurt my feelings. P.s. I'm not a dramatic person, I never took part in it or caused it. Edited July 1, 2014 by GH3 Missing word
Author GH3 Posted July 1, 2014 Author Posted July 1, 2014 Let me clarify, he wasn't angry and I wasn't either when we spoke. I was very calm and even after I asked him if he knew what tomorrow was, he just came off as guilty, not angry at all (in fact he laughed nervously a few times) I got over him forgetting, it's what he said about me remembering his birthday that bothered me.
EmptyinNV Posted July 1, 2014 Posted July 1, 2014 Why do you have to hide your relationship from your parents? That's more concerning than him forgetting your Bday in my opinion. I agree. And while it is a big deal, I mean you've been together for almost a year but also, he is a human and human's forget things.
d0nnivain Posted July 1, 2014 Posted July 1, 2014 Tell him how you feel but do it in a soft calm voice. Ask Qs. Don't accuse. 1
Author GH3 Posted July 2, 2014 Author Posted July 2, 2014 Okay, yeah. I don't want to fight with him, thank you d0nnivain. How should I bring it up?
Treasa Posted July 2, 2014 Posted July 2, 2014 Meanwhile, my advice is just the opposite. If it were me, the next time we interacted I would have sweetly but confidently said, "Look, I understand you forgot my birthday. No one's perfect. However, if you ever intimate that I "don't do much" again when you damn well know that I go to school, have two jobs, and work on my art portfolio, you can piss off." You have to say it with a smile, though. And very cheerfully but confidently. And you have to mean it. At least, that's how I would handle it if I were a bright young lady of 18 who has her entire life ahead of her. But no, I'm a 39-year-old woman who's put up with enough bull**** in her time and makes sure her fiance knows for DAYS ahead of time when her damn birthday is. There is no chance he could forget. 2
Author GH3 Posted July 2, 2014 Author Posted July 2, 2014 Haha, I could probably try something inbetween both of your suggestions. Thank you!
Els Posted July 2, 2014 Posted July 2, 2014 Me: My parents are going to take me to the beach tomorrow. Boyfriend: Why? Why do you have to go to the beach with them? Me: Well... What's tomorrow? Boyfriend: I don't know... Saturday. (Yes it was in fact going to be Saturday) Me: No. What's tomorrow? Boyfriend: Saturday. Me: No. What's the date? Boyfriend: Saturday!! (He didn't hear me over the phone clearly and then he started to talk about something else, I wasn't going to let him though) Me: what's tomorrow! Boyfriend: Saturday!!!! God!!!! Me: what's the date! Boyfriend: I'm not keeping track... Today's the 27th, so tomorrow is the 28th! Me: Yes, what's on the 28th? Boyfriend: the 28th? (what he said here, I don't remember clearly, but he wasn't quite remembering yet) Oh, it's your birthday. Me: Did you forget? Boyfriend: I might have... Are you mad? Me: (very calmly, no joke) yeah. Hnnngggg. I generally think that people should try and make the effort to remember the special days of their loved ones, but this conversation just makes my head hurt! What on earth made you think that this was a good way to broach it to him?? Instead of all this 'what day is tomorrow x 100000' nonsense... just tell him nicely that you make the effort to remember his birthday despite everything that is going on in your life, and you would really appreciate it if he does in the future. And that you're really hurt by him forgetting. Then see what happens.
Author GH3 Posted July 2, 2014 Author Posted July 2, 2014 I'll admit I was annoying there. I think that I was just troubling him out of disappointment (no I don't do things like that often, I know better usually) I'm understanding of him forgetting now. It's just what he said which bothered me that I want to address now. 1
haribogumsnickers Posted July 2, 2014 Posted July 2, 2014 Instead of just straight up apologizing for forgetting your birthday, he says some really off the wall insensitive remarks. He said if you were crying then that would've been overdramatic? And, you didn't forget his because you don't do much as he does? Wtf? Where's the respect and consideration. I know it's just YOUR BIRTHDAY of all days and there's no need to overdramatize this into something more but to me a birthday is a big deal. I go all out and I never forget especially if it's in the same month of mine. That's just me. I'd be hurt too but he needs to know not to f up next time and man up on apologizing when it's due.
Els Posted July 2, 2014 Posted July 2, 2014 I'll admit I was annoying there. I think that I was just troubling him out of disappointment (no I don't do things like that often, I know better usually) I'm understanding of him forgetting now. It's just what he said which bothered me that I want to address now. It's good that you can admit that. And yes, I agree with you. Have a talk about it - hopefully he apologizes for the things he said, and tries to make it up to you.
Author GH3 Posted July 3, 2014 Author Posted July 3, 2014 Alright, thank you all for your help, I see him tomorrow morning. I'll update if it goes well, which I expect it to.
Author GH3 Posted July 4, 2014 Author Posted July 4, 2014 I saw him and guess what? I told him exactly how I felt and after he stopped giggling at me being playfully aggressive, he looked confused. He asked me when he said that I don't do much? Conversation kind of went like: Him: when did I say that? I don't remember saying that? Me: you did, you said that I remembered your birthday only because I don't do much. Him: I might have said that "we" don't do much and that's why I didn't remember. I don't think I would have said something that negative to you. I know that you do a lot. Me: ... Perhaps technology has just served me wrong -_-' . Either way, he apologized and he said that he felt bad for not getting me anything. I told him that it just would've meant a lot for him to remember is all, that I was over it, and that I didn't really want anything. The rest of the time, the subject was dropped and he said that he still owed me a day and a cake (which made me laugh because it's just like him to think that food can bring peace to anything). In the end, it was a bit of a misunderstanding, but I'm happy that it was resolved. Most of all I'm glad that I actually felt so comfortable telling him why I was upset (I don't do that with many people, very often, so it's a step for our relationship and for myself). So once again thank you for all your help! 2
Els Posted July 4, 2014 Posted July 4, 2014 Sounds like a tiff that blew over. Happy this is working out for you, hopefully he really will make it up to you and spoil you another day.
Author GH3 Posted July 4, 2014 Author Posted July 4, 2014 Sounds like a tiff that blew over. Happy this is working out for you, hopefully he really will make it up to you and spoil you another day. Oh believe me, I felt ridiculous, I expressed that outwardly too. He's always hated phones, but both of us hate cell phones equally now, haha! This whole thing did help me grow up a bit more, I'll admit. And thank you!
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