Reeva17 Posted June 30, 2014 Posted June 30, 2014 (edited) I know you've heard this one before. I've seen it so many times in those damned chick flicks! I never thought that one day it would happen to me but seemingly it has *sob, sob*. Okay to set the record straight I am a cheat. I've cheated on every guy I've been with, my therapist reckons it's my sick twisted way of identifying with my dad, which is pretty messed up if you think about it. Whenever I cheat on a boyfriend however the "other" guy always knows where he stands, ALWAYS. But this time is different, I think I've fallen for the "other" guy and he doesn't even know he is the "other" guy. I don't like to refer to him as the other guy either, he is too good for that and we connect on another level. My boyfriend is just as sweet but he is far away and he sometimes ignores my texts and calls, a month ago he stated that he just didn't feel like talking to me when I asked him about why he was ignoring me. it hurt but I have loved him for so many years, we've been on and off for 7 years, he is the only boyfriend I never ever cheated on, except now of course. a part of me wants to move on and start anew with the new guy but how do I build a relationship based on lies? the other part wants to stick to familiar territory but I feel stuck here... maybe someone out there who doesn't know me personally can help because due to their subjectivity (or objectivity, I tend to confuse the two) the opinions of my friends are biased... I'm only 21 Edited June 30, 2014 by Reeva17 grammatic error
Keenly Posted July 1, 2014 Posted July 1, 2014 I don't think your friends are biased, because they probably tell you the same thing. STOP CHEATING. I don't think you'll listen to any rational or emotionally healthy advice that you get here. You seem pretty intent on doing whatever you'd like. That's all fine and dandy, but stop treating men like disposable waste. 4
Lernaean_Hydra Posted July 1, 2014 Posted July 1, 2014 If you've been "on and off" with your so-called boyfriend for seven years and you're only 21 that means you've been in some kind of relationship since you were what, 13/14 years old? In between that time it sounds like you've had a lot of other boyfriends, all of which you have cheated on. This begs the question, have you ever been single a day in your adult life? Do you always have to have a guy in your life? Your behavior and attitude sounds exactly like that of a teenage girl in that you appear to be lacking a shred of maturity. It's like somewhere along the line you became emotionally stunted and never actually grew up. By the way, your therapist's (dubious) reasoning as to why you cheat does not mean it's okay to keep cheating or that since you've acknowledged your flaws, you can simply continue on the way you have been. Recognizing you have a problem is only the first step. In my opinion, you should choose neither and leave them both alone for good. In fact, leave all men alone. You sound very damaged and toxic and I think you should take a long break from dating in order to work on yourself and figure out why you do the things you do AND take steps to rectify that. 2
lesdeuxsoleils Posted July 1, 2014 Posted July 1, 2014 CHEATING is BAD! But you know that. What's worse is that you know and you continue. This really hurts the person you cheated on. And you don't have the right to do so. "Once a Cheater Always a Cheater" applies to you. You have to break out of this cycle. And your friends DO know you best! You're very young but in your 20s it's time to build a foundation for a better life as you grow up. Stop playing games! What if this "other guy" and your "boyfriend" are cheating on you too? How would you feel? What goes around comes around, you will get VERY HURT one day if you continue. Like the previous poster said. STOP dating and think about your life right now and what you what it to be say 5-10 years from now and act accordingly. Ask yourself what you want in a person. Write it down! Think and then take action. Being single for sometime will give you some perspective. 1
Michelle ma Belle Posted July 1, 2014 Posted July 1, 2014 Sorry to burst your bubble but I have to agree with everyone. You're a self-proclaimed cheat and you have a long and colorful past littered with broken promises and broken hearts and you think you can tell the difference between "the one" and just another exercise dealing with daddy-issues? Sorry sweets but I'm not buying it and neither should you. Work on yourself and your problems and leave the men alone for a while. They all deserve better than the way you're treating them. 2
Author Reeva17 Posted July 1, 2014 Author Posted July 1, 2014 If you've been "on and off" with your so-called boyfriend for seven years and you're only 21 that means you've been in some kind of relationship since you were what, 13/14 years old? In between that time it sounds like you've had a lot of other boyfriends, all of which you have cheated on. This begs the question, have you ever been single a day in your adult life? Do you always have to have a guy in your life? Your behavior and attitude sounds exactly like that of a teenage girl in that you appear to be lacking a shred of maturity. It's like somewhere along the line you became emotionally stunted and never actually grew up. By the way, your therapist's (dubious) reasoning as to why you cheat does not mean it's okay to keep cheating or that since you've acknowledged your flaws, you can simply continue on the way you have been. Recognizing you have a problem is only the first step. In my opinion, you should choose neither and leave them both alone for good. In fact, leave all men alone. You sound very damaged and toxic and I think you should take a long break from dating in order to work on yourself and figure out why you do the things you do AND take steps to rectify that. I was single for two years at some point. I just have the shortest relationships that's all but thanks a mill for your opinion
Author Reeva17 Posted July 1, 2014 Author Posted July 1, 2014 I don't think your friends are biased, because they probably tell you the same thing. STOP CHEATING. I don't think you'll listen to any rational or emotionally healthy advice that you get here. You seem pretty intent on doing whatever you'd like. That's all fine and dandy, but stop treating men like disposable waste. my friends are biased in the sense that no one ever dares to say. "Reeva you're wrong! " which is why this experience is so refreshing.
Author Reeva17 Posted July 1, 2014 Author Posted July 1, 2014 If you've been "on and off" with your so-called boyfriend for seven years and you're only 21 that means you've been in some kind of relationship since you were what, 13/14 years old? In between that time it sounds like you've had a lot of other boyfriends, all of which you have cheated on. This begs the question, have you ever been single a day in your adult life? Do you always have to have a guy in your life? Your behavior and attitude sounds exactly like that of a teenage girl in that you appear to be lacking a shred of maturity. It's like somewhere along the line you became emotionally stunted and never actually grew up. By the way, your therapist's (dubious) reasoning as to why you cheat does not mean it's okay to keep cheating or that since you've acknowledged your flaws, you can simply continue on the way you have been. Recognizing you have a problem is only the first step. In my opinion, you should choose neither and leave them both alone for good. In fact, leave all men alone. You sound very damaged and toxic and I think you should take a long break from dating in order to work on yourself and figure out why you do the things you do AND take steps to rectify that. we only started dating when I was 16, he was my first boyfriend. he dropped me for another girl three months later. I was single for almost two years after that, I just have really short relationships lasting less than three months.. but you guys are right I think I just needed to get a fresh perspective.
sugarlove Posted July 1, 2014 Posted July 1, 2014 OKay well, glad we are not your friends so we don't have to be in your good books. The fact that this guy ignores you might have bruised your over-inflated ego a bit. I think he has kinda wise up after 7 years to leave you before you have a chance to cheat on him. Even thinking of cheating on him is already halfway there. We are not therapists as well.. but i do think a person who consistently cheats on her partners will do well with a lot of alone time to work on herself. I highly recommend you to try to be alone for now and just not date for a while until you feel you are ready to commit faithfully. 1
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