She was too immature for a relationship but I still really like her. What do I do?

[HangOnThere]

I used to be very good friends with somebody who I meet on vacation. She lived about 4 hours from my state in the US. We were such good friends and we had so much in common, it was like a little dream. It wasn't really young love, it was something that you can project in the future and believe you'd be husbsnd and wife (as strange as that sounds).When we got home, we were a little disheartened because we wanted to speak more on holiday. She was actually only on holiday 2 days before I left. She's 17, I'm 18. We spoke for months afterwards, every day. She loved talking to me, claiming I was special to her. Always smiled at me via Facetime

 

However, she wanted to wait about meeting up. She would appear quite shy about it and appeated a little scared. It felt like she was hiding something but I wasn't sure. She doesn't have a boyfriend or anything like that.

 

When she wanted to think about getting into something serious, I asked 2 months later whether she'd like to meet up, as she seemed closer to me (odd I know). However a week later she texts saying it was nice to get to know each other, the distance would be too much, I wouldn't handle it. Want to continue to be friends.

 

I felt empty for a long time. My friendship was lost and so was my head. I want to still be friends with her, but she ignored my long message explaining how I would like to hear from you and apogolising for perhaps pressuring her a little into something (even though she gave me signs to show she was getting more interested).

 

A month later, she replied. She is VERY confused. She explained that there hasn't been contact for a while since it ended (she ended it), and she felt I made the effort too late, bearing in mind I was waiting until she felt ready and comfortable. Also, she said others were giving affection and since they lived closer it felt silly for her to take us further. This is selfish, isn't it? Holding me up? She is obviously lost.

 

She sounds immature, and that was my problem, I should've just been a little more patient until she was mature, but she kept talking to me.I miss my friendship with her the most, but I just understand how this happened. I felt like this could've been a long lasting relationship in the future once education was less of a concern, I just wanted to meet up one day instead of speaking on a camera.

 

I hate not solving problems, what should I do?

Who's to blame?

I'm older, tried to wait and be patient, but is being immature and young a valid excuse?

I still miss our friendship, I tried to help her.

 

Thanks a lot for reading

[Assasda]

hahaha you know what you did wrong man

 

I felt empty for a long time. My friendship was lost and so was my head. I want to still be friends with her, but she ignored my long message explaining how I would like to hear from you and apogolising for perhaps pressuring her a little into something (even though she gave me signs to show she was getting more interested).

 

You know you got needy and pressured her.

 

And she told you that she cant handle the distance. That sound mature to me. Youre the only one that sounds immature in this story. Accept it. and move on

[HangOnThere]

hahaha you know what you did wrong man

 

I felt empty for a long time. My friendship was lost and so was my head. I want to still be friends with her, but she ignored my long message explaining how I would like to hear from you and apogolising for perhaps pressuring her a little into something (even though she gave me signs to show she was getting more interested).

 

You know you got needy and pressured her.

 

And she told you that she cant handle the distance. That sound mature to me. Youre the only one that sounds immature in this story. Accept it. and move on

 

I disagree. I was being mature throughout the time I was speaking to her. Yes, I probably got a little needy in the end but why would you speak to somebody every day and suddenly decide to cut contact? She was giving me signals by telling me how special I was to her, so I tried to move forward.

 

She ended it suddenly, without a reason, we were just friends to begin with.

She has been immature, and I didn't want to speak through a camera for so long. I disagree with your statement

[GoreSP]

I'm with Assasda on this.

 

I'm sorry she isn't into you but that's the way it is. You can't fix, or change this.

Also, from what you wrote, you weren't dating to begin with…so basically she didn't end anything. She just told you she didn't want a relationship with you and gave you a (in my opinion anyway) valid reason.

 

Move on.

[LostOnes05]

I actually understand how you feel buddy. Similar thing happened to me recently. I too know how it feels to talk to someone everyday (multiple times a day) and then just like that they are gone. What I want you to understand is that you are no more needy than this girl. She wants attention and someone close. I know it's a definite bummer but you gotta keep your head up and move on (which is the tough part!).

 

Best of luck bro!

[PogoStick]

It's silly to suggest you are mature but she is not. You both are immature, but she is wise for not wanting a long distance relationship.

 

You must be surrounded with women at school. Why don't you date one of them?

[HangOnThere]

It's silly to suggest you are mature but she is not. You both are immature, but she is wise for not wanting a long distance relationship.

 

You must be surrounded with women at school. Why don't you date one of them?

 

This girl felt special to me for some reason, There just seemed to be a click and a feeling that I haven't experienced with another girl before. I'm not interested in dating, I wanted someone who I thought I could maintain a strong relationship with in the future, with distance not being a concern.

 

It was partly my fault, I should've slowed down the pace, Which I tried to do but she kept giving me hints to go forward. I got a little too invested but I'm off to University in my state soon, maybe I'll meet someone there. Yes, I was a little immature at a time or two but I'm still young myself.

 

It now appears that she wanted attention. Do you agree?

[Diezel]

Time to demolish the pedestal.

 

Meet someone new man, someone who is "mature" enough for you.

[HangOnThere]

You are needy and have attachment issues. Work on yourself first before even trying a short distance relationship.

 

I was a little needy but at the same time, she has issues. She lacked confidence so I made her confident, but she bcame so confident that she thought she was somethinf amazing and seeked attention by speaking to other giys just for attention, so yes you're right in a way, but she seems to hold more issues

[preraph]

I'm sorry. Honestly, it's partly just because you're both young. It's so easy when you're your age to form new friendships and romances compared to when you're older, and she just decided there were plenty of fish in the sea she moved to.

 

You'll have to just refocus your energies, but I'm very sorry you feel hurt or feel you did something wrong. I don't think anything you did was really wrong.

[ExpatInItaly]

Like I said in your other threads about her, OP, you need to let go. It's been a while now and you're still unhealthily attached and obsessive over this issue. Nobody should have this much focus in your emotions, particularly someone who made it clear a long time ago she wasn't interested.

 

I mean this in kindness, but is there someone you can speak to about this? (Not her!) A counselor? I suggest that because you seem to be unable and unwilling to move on. It's not good for you.

[HangOnThere]

Like I said in your other threads about her, OP, you need to let go. It's been a while now and you're still unhealthily attached and obsessive over this issue. Nobody should have this much focus in your emotions, particularly someone who made it clear a long time ago she wasn't interested.

 

I mean this in kindness, but is there someone you can speak to about this? (Not her!) A counselor? I suggest that because you seem to be unable and unwilling to move on. It's not good for you.

 

I am finding it difficult, I was hopefully going to one of the best universities in the world but this hasn't helped me with my exams, so I'm panicking I havent done as well.

 

I tried to make her feel happy about herself but I feel like ive been used for attention, im not bothered that I cant have a relationship, what I am bothered about is how it ended. We were friends and she says nothing is awkward, when it is because she doesnt want to talk anymore. That is what hurts. To begin with, she said we will meet other people, but when we were talking about meeting up, she said a few weeks ago she felt silly taking it further than others. She wanted to wait & think about meeting up but decided to put energy into others at the same time? Thats what I find selfish and hurtful

I feel like making a friendly conversation and perhaps leading her to slip up on what shes done, then ill feel better.

[HangOnThere]

I'm sorry. Honestly, it's partly just because you're both young. It's so easy when you're your age to form new friendships and romances compared to when you're older, and she just decided there were plenty of fish in the sea she moved to.

 

You'll have to just refocus your energies, but I'm very sorry you feel hurt or feel you did something wrong. I don't think anything you did was really wrong.

 

Thank you, I feel a bit 'cheated' on though, in the sense that contact was cut instantly

[ExpatInItaly]

I am finding it difficult, I was hopefully going to one of the best universities in the world but this hasn't helped me with my exams, so I'm panicking I havent done as well.

 

I tried to make her feel happy about herself but I feel like ive been used for attention, im not bothered that I cant have a relationship, what I am bothered about is how it ended. We were friends and she says nothing is awkward, when it is because she doesnt want to talk anymore. That is what hurts. To begin with, she said we will meet other people, but when we were talking about meeting up, she said a few weeks ago she felt silly taking it further than others. She wanted to wait & think about meeting up but decided to put energy into others at the same time? Thats what I find selfish and hurtful

I feel like making a friendly conversation and perhaps leading her to slip up on what shes done, then ill feel better.

 

I doubt you would feel better. She already tried to tell you she wasn't interested and you simply refuse to move on. She doesn't want to have a friendly conversation with you or it would've happened already. I realize it's hurtful and I know that I'm being blunt, but I think such a conversation would only prolong your pain and annoy the crap out of her.

 

For interest's sake, can you clarify what you mean by, "leading her to slip up on what she's done"? That sounds...punitive?

[HangOnThere]

I doubt you would feel better. She already tried to tell you she wasn't interested and you simply refuse to move on. She doesn't want to have a friendly conversation with you or it would've happened already. I realize it's hurtful and I know that I'm being blunt, but I think such a conversation would only prolong your pain and annoy the crap out of her.

 

For interest's sake, can you clarify what you mean by, "leading her to slip up on what she's done"? That sounds...punitive?

 

Thanks for your advice by the way, you're probably fed up of me lol.

 

I'm frustrated that we spoke for so long, got on so well, and it ended like this. I was planning on meeting up and waited for a long time until she felt ready (she originally seemed excited) and spoke every day. A relationship isn't the issue, it's the fact that the friendship was lost and how she ended contact. There's obviously a reason why she doesn't want to speak anymore.

 

She wanted to wait and she appreciated me for doing so, but it appears that she was talking to other people at the same time (secretly). I find that selfish, and I feel like I was just there to support her when she was feeling down, and that was it, and once she felt great, she left me.

[Assasda]

You put her on the pedestal.

and she treated you like how you treat yourself.

 

You were her manservant in waiting, so you got what you deserved

[HangOnThere]

You put her on the pedestal.

and she treated you like how you treat yourself.

 

You were her manservant in waiting, so you got what you deserved

 

I didn't put her on the pedestal, all I asked was whether she would like to meet sooner rather than later. Plus, it appears she was talking to me for attention, so it wouldn't have affected her much anyway.