Tooksie Posted June 30, 2014 Posted June 30, 2014 Short story: He broke up with me 2 weeks ago. Said he didn't think he loved me anymore, that we would never get back together, and all that stuff. As of today, he said he loved me, he misses me ( but said he doesn't want to talk about it) and that we WILL get back together. But that he needs a break. He also said he is not interested in other girls and won't even go out with them( true, we live in a small town, so I would know if he did). The thing is, if he loves me, misses me, and wants to continue our relationship, why a break? He said our love is on holidays, isn't that pretty stupid? He also said he wants to keep seeing me. I don't understand this at all, help!
d0nnivain Posted June 30, 2014 Posted June 30, 2014 He's having the dating / dumper version of buyer's remorse. He meant it when he said your relationship was over. Now he's just realizing that there's a hole in his social life & his life is different without you. He's in pain but not because you have future but because it's more different then he anticipated.
Fondue Posted June 30, 2014 Posted June 30, 2014 He has a girl that he's currently talking with but is giving him "mixed" signals. He doesn't know whether or not he's going to end up sticking it inside of her, so he wants to have you available for once she rejects his advances. He's on "break" so doesn't feel bad about putting it in another girl. Of course, if he manages to do so. If he doesn't, he still has you to fall back on. Just because he says he's not seeing anyone else or is not interested, doesn't mean he isn't actively looking. He might just be saying that so he retains your interest. So that he retains your interest enough that you remain on the backburner. 2
Author Tooksie Posted June 30, 2014 Author Posted June 30, 2014 (edited) So what should I do or say? because a week ago he was like: we might work things out and get back together.. today he said he was sure we will. Edited June 30, 2014 by Tooksie
me85 Posted June 30, 2014 Posted June 30, 2014 Listen to me and listen carefully. You stand your ground and tell him that you love him and of course you want to get back together but you cannot be in a grey area with him. Either you are his girlfriend or you are not. Tell him because you love him and respect his wished that you would feel most comfortable not communicating during this period. Tell him you have also had time to think about things since all this came about and that you feel it is best that you also take time for yourself. 1
me85 Posted June 30, 2014 Posted June 30, 2014 Go back and read my threads/posts...it's not pretty. I waited around for my ex and he completely took me for a ride. The worst ride of my life. A wild freaking goose chase. Do not wait in the winds for him no matter how hard or how much you love him or you may end up the same way I did...a year post BU and the ex still toying with you. You have to AT LEAST be clear that you WILL NOT be his friend. Absolutely not. He's asking you to be his FWB. Please please please don't do what I did!!! Best wishes & hugs to you, J
umirano Posted June 30, 2014 Posted June 30, 2014 The thing is, if he loves me, misses me, and wants to continue our relationship, why a break? He said our love is on holidays, isn't that pretty stupid? He also said he wants to keep seeing me. I don't understand this at all, help! It is pretty odd. My ex said the same last time we talked. I don't really think 'break' is practical terminology because in reality you'll only know much later whether it really was a break or a break up and usually then this knowledge will not be of any significance. My ex is on a break because she wants to solve her problems and mature. I don't know about your ex, but in many cases the dumpers aren't really working on themselves. It's quite possible he is trying one or more of the following: eating his cake and having it too (i.e. keeping you around in case nothing shows up anytime soon)easing your painunsure what he really wants and keeping his options I suggest doing what I did. Go NC, return/mail his stuff or box it up and put it away, remove/block him from social networks. Don't drive by his house, don't ask about him, tell people you're not interested in hearing about him. Wait until he comes back and says he wants a relationship again with you. Then take your time and think long and hard why you should risk your feelings again before deciding anything. You sound pretty calm, I hope you're coping well. I'm sorry you're going through a BU.
Author Tooksie Posted June 30, 2014 Author Posted June 30, 2014 I already cried and suffered a lot, but when he told me he loved me and that we are going to get back together i calmed down. but something doesn't feel right here.
Gaeta Posted June 30, 2014 Posted June 30, 2014 So you should stand by while he is cruising town and livin la vida ? C'mon I would tell him sure, but when you decide to come back I am not sure your place will still be there.
Elle1975 Posted June 30, 2014 Posted June 30, 2014 The thing is, if he loves me, misses me, and wants to continue our relationship, why a break? Bingo! He's probably looking into dating someone else. I hate to say it. Small town or not. He might have met someone online, therefore putting you on the back burner. Since he wants a break, turn the table around, and tell him you do not wish to be contacted until he sorts his sht out. I'd even go further than that.. I'd suggest telling him a break is a good idea, and you will contact him when you're ready. Guarantee he will go in panic mode "wtf just happened", provided that he has any interest in your relationship. Once you are on your "break" (break up, let's be honest), maintain the no contact, and hopefully meet someone else. No contact means no phone calls, no facebook, no "bumping" into each other, NOTHING! 4
Author Tooksie Posted July 1, 2014 Author Posted July 1, 2014 If I do that he will just ignore me, won't even fight back at the moment, he's very stubborn. And there is no possibility that we won't bump into each other since we live in a small town, so .. I feel really lost.
me85 Posted July 1, 2014 Posted July 1, 2014 Nonsense ! My ex & I live in a small town (we live like 10/15 miles apart.) We haven't run into each other in 6 months. You're having all these thoughts & feelings now because this is so fresh for you but I promise you will feel better in no time once you go NC. If you can't ignore him when he contacts you just tell him you're thinking about things. You'll have ups, downs, highs & lows in the coming weeks but in about a month you'll be in a better place mentally and emotionally IF you stay strong & discipline yourself. Trust me girl, I speak from experience. Keep us updated on your progress.
Elle1975 Posted July 1, 2014 Posted July 1, 2014 If I do that he will just ignore me, won't even fight back at the moment, he's very stubborn. And there is no possibility that we won't bump into each other since we live in a small town, so .. I feel really lost. Bumping into each other means on purpose. If say you know he likes to hang out at the bowling alley and you magically "show up".
Treasa Posted July 1, 2014 Posted July 1, 2014 Tell him you don't do breaks, that you're moving on, and that if he comes to his senses soon, he MAY have a chance to get you back, but that you won't be waiting around. 2
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