Therapy?

[gj13]

Hi! I've been thinking for a couple of weeks about starting therapy, not just for coping with my BU but just to deal with several issues to better myself. Has anyone here started therapy after a BU? Was it helpful? What recommendations would you have for someone thinking about it?

 

(backstory: BU almost 6 months ago, 1 month NC, we were together for 4 years and several months on and off, planned/talked about marriage)

 

Thank you for your input

[d0nnivain]

You can start therapy whenever. If you think it will help, go for it.

[Michelle ma Belle]

I've been seeing a therapist fairly regularly for about 13 years. I didn't start seeing one because of a break but rather because of severe postpartum depression with suicide concerns. I ended up staying because the process of talking and sharing and looking back on my past and all my experiences, I found it extraordinarily helpful with so many other things in my life. I'm a MUCH better woman for it today.

 

I'm a HUGE fan of therapy and think everyone should have it

 

Having said that, I will warn you about a few things you should know before entering into therapy;

 

1. A therapist is NOT going to tell you what to do but rather assist you in thinking for yourself in a way that is healthy and positive.

 

2. Therapy is NOT a quick fix. Don't expect to go to one or two or three sessions and you're forever fixed. It takes time and patience.

 

3. Not all therapist are created equal. It may take you a couple of tries to find a therapist you click with or feel a connection with. Don't abandon it so quickly if you run across a dud or two because when you finally find that special one, your life will be forever changed. I'm living proof of it.

 

4. And finally, like anything in life, therapy ONLY works if you're willing to DO the work! Seriously. I can't tell you how many times I hear individuals and/or couples bellyache that therapy doesn't work and yet they never bothered doing any of the work or put any effort in their recovery outside of their 60 minute session. You NEED to make a commitment to being open, honest and be willing to dig deep and peel back the layers otherwise you might as well just light your money on fire.

 

Good luck!!!!

Edited June 30, 2014 by Michelle ma Belle

[Itspointless]

I've been seeing a therapist fairly regularly for about 13 years. I didn't start seeing one because of a break but rather because of severe postpartum depression with suicide concerns. I ended up staying because the process of talking and sharing and looking back on my past and all my experiences, I found it extraordinarily helpful with so many other things in my life. I'm a MUCH better woman for it today.

 

I'm a HUGE fan of therapy and think everyone should have it

 

Having said that, I will warn you about a few things you should know before entering into therapy;

 

1. A therapist is NOT going to tell you what to do but rather assist you in thinking for yourself in a way that is healthy and positive.

 

2. Therapy is NOT a quick fix. Don't expect to go to one or two or three sessions and you're forever fixed. It takes time and patience.

 

3. Not all therapist are created equal. It may take you a couple of tries to find a therapist you click with or feel a connection with. Don't abandon it so quickly if you run across a dud or two because when you finally find that special one, your life will be forever changed. I'm living proof of it.

 

4. And finally, like anything in life, therapy ONLY works if you're willing to DO the work! Seriously. I can't tell you how many times I hear individuals and/or couples bellyache that therapy doesn't work and yet they never bothered doing any of the work or put any effort in their recovery outside of their 60 minute session. You NEED to make a commitment to being open, honest and be willing to dig deep and peel back the layers otherwise you might as well just light your money on fire.

 

Good luck!!!!

Agree with every word written by Michelle. Started more than 12 years ago because of severe depression due to illness and dying of one of my parents. Well that was the start at least. Now I see it as a sort of supervision for living. It takes a long time getting to know yourself with honesty and compassion. It all depends on your life before. Life is work in progress, some helping hands can be very rewarding at certain times.

[Bumpin in My Trunk]

I've been seeing a therapist fairly regularly for about 13 years. I didn't start seeing one because of a break but rather because of severe postpartum depression with suicide concerns. I ended up staying because the process of talking and sharing and looking back on my past and all my experiences, I found it extraordinarily helpful with so many other things in my life. I'm a MUCH better woman for it today.

 

I'm a HUGE fan of therapy and think everyone should have it

 

Having said that, I will warn you about a few things you should know before entering into therapy;

 

1. A therapist is NOT going to tell you what to do but rather assist you in thinking for yourself in a way that is healthy and positive.

 

2. Therapy is NOT a quick fix. Don't expect to go to one or two or three sessions and you're forever fixed. It takes time and patience.

 

3. Not all therapist are created equal. It may take you a couple of tries to find a therapist you click with or feel a connection with. Don't abandon it so quickly if you run across a dud or two because when you finally find that special one, your life will be forever changed. I'm living proof of it.

 

4. And finally, like anything in life, therapy ONLY works if you're willing to DO the work! Seriously. I can't tell you how many times I hear individuals and/or couples bellyache that therapy doesn't work and yet they never bothered doing any of the work or put any effort in their recovery outside of their 60 minute session. You NEED to make a commitment to being open, honest and be willing to dig deep and peel back the layers otherwise you might as well just light your money on fire.

 

Good luck!!!!

 

 

This post is so helpful and insightful. I've always had this negative vibe toward therapists. Maybe a taboo to me or it's because maybe some people were too weak to deal with their problems but I guess everyone copes differently. I've come to learn that whatever helps us heal completely or the best is whatever we should cling on to.

 

If you feel therapy helps then go for it. I, myself, don't feel I need it but in the future I might.

[me85]

Hi!

 

I myself have been considering therapy since I was 14 years old, honestly.

I've had 3 sessions my entire life and that's ridiculous because I seriously need therapy, especially for childhood trauma.

 

However, I feel the urge to seek therapy now more than ever. My last relationship was extremely physcologically damaging.

 

I was a victim of verbal, mental and physical abuse from my ex.

So that on top of having severe anxiety and depression took a serious toll on me. I've had thoughts of suicide more and more here lately and I'm a binge drinker, to make matters even worse.

 

So yes, I have decided to start AA along with counseling.

 

I say, absolutely go for it. It definitely will not hurt to go.

[SadNLonley]

I did seek therapy due to a breakup. Been seeing her for 6 months now and feel it has really helped. Its not just about the breakup, but the feelings and thoughts I was having was so damaging to myself. She helped me in trying to understand where those feelings were coming from and how to start getting better. Granted, she could talk until she was blue in the face, but if I wasn't willing to try to get better, I wouldnt. You have to put work into this yourself.

 

It is nice to go in and talk about your feelings to someone who will not judge you or get sick of hearing the same sob story over and over again. That part helped me. I didnt want to burden my family and friends anymore with my issues.

 

I am not perfectly fine right now, but I am much better than 6 months ago. I have my moments. Just last week I had a total melt down on the 1 year anniversary of my breakup. Thats ok though because the next day I was better. Its all in baby steps. It wont happen overnight, but if you are willing to do what it takes to heal yourself, you will get there.

 

Good Luck, I know heartbreak is a horrible thing.

[gj13]

Thank you guys. I found a nice therapist and I'll give it a go. I'm pretty sure it will help as a person all around, not only for the breakup. There are many issues and I'm willing to try my best and do whatever she recommends to better up.