Am I being ridiculous?

[marcjb]

It's a lot better than using blind trust and being played as a fool.

[SparklingandBroken]

Thanks guys. I appreciate the coaching.

 

I guess I need to start a whole new thread on how to tell if someone is trustworthy without having to resort to "entrapment".

[marcjb]

Thanks guys. I appreciate the coaching.

 

I guess I need to start a whole new thread on how to tell if someone is trustworthy without having to resort to "entrapment".

 

The only other thing you can do is trust your gut. It's usually right.

[Ninjainpajamas]

Unfortunately some of the very typical female advice that is just absolutely wrong and only sets yourself up to being even more confused, because you are trying to enforce something that is not happening naturally. You are trying to manipulate the situation, while making it seem like you're not trying to do that...by thinking you need to just make it clear what he's supposed to do or what you expect him to do

 

You can make your intentions and desires clear...but you cannot enforce/impose that on anyone, it is their choice...do you understand that? Otherwise it's like sweeping problems under the rug that are just going to spring up in your face down the road and while you keep doing that they just pile up, but you think all is good in the moment or at least you tell yourself that although frustrated, because he "listened" to you and you think "well he didn't have to do it, but he did it for me or himself because he respects me and yadda yadda"....no, he did it because you told him he had to directly or in so many words, therefore if it was up to him he might still being doing what he did till this day...but no, no, let's not watch the behavior and let him demonstrate his true intentions and character, let's try to manipulate the entire situation and then become "confused" when you're just continually trying to cut this guy off and turn him into commitment/relationship material...which I don't even know who's giving women these ideas, but they need to be punched in the face.

 

I see a lot of women after dealing with frustration and essentially tired of playing "games", start to come out with all guns blazing, being really direct and "clear" (as if we're so stupid as not to be able to figure it out with our own brains half of the time) what you want and what you're looking for...look every idiot of a man even knows that a woman is looking for a relationship it's not exactly rocket science here..and being the corporate CEO of you're dating life isn't going to allow you to get what you want, your little emotional wall or stoic attitude "until you get what you want" and "what you deserve" while you protect yourself and emotions...or you at least attempt to which never works because you can't help yourself from getting attached anyway if it's someone you really like, is just a waste of time and you're fooling nobody but yourself...you need someone who is first "willing" and has the same desire as you do, so you don't have to put in all the work and make things happen, if you're quarterbacking the whole relationship then you're not winning, you're just fabricating this make-believe commitment and relationship you think you have...but really, it was all created or heavily influenced by you but you tell yourself you're doing it together and when the guys had enough of you and your expectations, he'll just bail on you and it was all for nothing.

 

But it doesn't make a damn difference if you're dating a guy that isn't interested in the same things in the first place that you are and isn't willing to play ball...he's not going to care what you say or what you tell him to do at the end of the day, if he doesn't want to do it...there isn't going to be "miscommunication" as much as a resistance on his part to fulfill your expectations because he is not motivated or interested in fulling them...do you understand this? he doesn't really want the same things but it turns into a powerful struggle of you forcing it down his throat while he tries to evade you but not so much as to push you away entirely, but ultimately there's no way to turn a guy into something you want or to want to want the same things as you, I don't understand all these little tricks and games some women play to try and corral the men they are dating into "decent men" I guess, you might as well throw a leash around his neck and take him for walks in the park, telling him where to sniff and where to shet.

 

If you have to make a guy do anything, then that's not who he really is, it's not really representative of his intentions or feelings, it's what you want him to be. And really, what are you thinking in the first place trying to get this guy to do something, just because it's what you expect and want? does he owe you something? what makes you feel so entitled to that? because you're you? yeah you and every other woman think the same shet...Miss "Special". Oh and if you're going to go with because "he said" this or that, good grief, do you expect every man to be honest with you out there? people are selfish, just as selfish as you are in securing a relationship with a man who doesn't want one...at the end of the day people do what they want, but they play this little cat and mouse game until it isn't fun anymore and half the men end up screwing around on you on the side without you ever even knowing it.

 

Sorry ladies, whatever you think you're doing or succeeding at isn't really happening...at the end of the day that guy makes the final choice whether to do it or not, and yes some men don't have the best options or are have insecurity/life issues that make them commit, just like you settle for being strung along...I see A LOT of those men in relationships, and sure enough they're pretty complacent and tuned out of the relationship not fulfilling his SO needs, but guess what..nothing really changed, even if he was finally "tamed" into the relationship it's only because of his own inability to get out of it, so you both stay in this relationship, both unhappy all the while you try and "fix" crap, fighting over irrelevant issues and problems when the real problem is he never really even wanted this...but he just went "with the flow" and here he is.

 

It's easy to see this guy isn't looking for a commitment...a FB wall full of female friends, an addict, a nonchalant and testy attitude just to pull in your emotions, still Online...it's really a shame this doesn't make it obvious and is enough, you've actually got to push for more information to convince yourself.

 

I understand you've been out of the dating world for 8 years, but if you think men are just going to be honest and open with you just because you are, you're sorely mistaken. You being an open-book simply allows this guy to see exactly where you're coming from at all times, making it even easier than it already is to manipulate you if he so desires to...you might as well hand him over the manual of how you work entirely. You need to use your own eyes and ears to figure out what is really going on, the words are cheap...any man can say words, it doesn't make them try...you need to really start looking through the veil if you really desire transparency because there's a lot of games going on out there, with men and women...women see men playing games as not wanting to commit, and men see woman as playing games when they're trying to manipulate you or suck you into a relationship using trickery, if you really want to be "honest" then cut through the BS...call him out and be aware of what's really going on, because this regular back and forth BS that everyone seems to do and refers to be "honest and bold" just comes out like an irate customer calling customer service to complain about something, it doesn't work...the guy will show you himself where he really stands with his own actions and behavior, in reality you don't have to do all that much but women keep dating these kind of guys and keep wondering why they aren't getting into a relationship....well, how about dating men that really want to be in a relationship to begin with and are consistent and assertive in doing so.

[Gaeta]

Entrapment? Nothing says a good relationship like this type of behavior.

 

Red flags are flying, She is looking out for herself.

 

OP: Good girl !

[Gaeta]

Ugh, I know. I can't believe I did it. I feel stupid.

 

What got me suspicious about him was his over-romantic speech. This type of stuff is usually not said after 1 month, like I said in my previous post, this type of speech combined with being online = player.

[SparklingandBroken]

I have a lot to learn. I got married at 23 and my ex was a NPD. I don't even know what to expect of a "normal" relationship.

[Gaeta]

I have a lot to learn. I got married at 23 and my ex was a NPD. I don't even know what to expect of a "normal" relationship.

 

You are not alone, I was married at 20 and a mother at 21.

 

I am now 48 and got back in the dating scene 3 years ago. I've learned everything from scratch like teenager girl and I made every single mistake we're not suppose to do!

[SparklingandBroken]

He just texted me "are you ok? I can't tell over text but I feel like you've been standoffish. Am I overthinking? Or is something wrong?" HELPPP

[Gaeta]

What a hypocrite.

 

You pick your favorite

 

1. Call him and tell him to F O

 

2. Ignore him from now on and block him everywhere.

[FitChick]

I wouldn't get involved with an addict who hasn't been clean and sober for at least five years. All the other crap this guy throws at you is just fuel for the fire. Abort.

 

Sounds like the other women he was chatting up were too clever for him so he's come back to you.

[Leigh 87]

He is entertaining himself with you while he is actively online.

 

He is quiet stupid frankly. He should have at least been mindful that girls can create fake profiles.. He didn't even care enough about you to at least cover his tracks and pick another site. Well your latest venture with the fake profile says it all. He is NOT into you. But he's into your vagina. And at best, he has mild romantic inclinations towards you.

 

Look..in today's dating scene, it's quiet rare to actually find a true love match. I would know, I'm a 20somethig woman with large breasts and a nice smile. I found many men..and get men who seem really into me. But it is NOT easy to find a man who is truly adoring of you.

After over two years out of the dating scene I also made huge blunders when it feels to meeting men and the ensuing month together before they dissapeard without warning. Or lost interest once they got to know me beyond my initial charismatic and " different yet interesting " persona....

 

The most important lesson I've learnt through here, this website........ Is that men can and do act " into" women without truly feeling into them in the true sense of the word.

 

When the real deal came along I just knew. I clearly has shifted his universe. My needs are more important than than his own to him. He'd give anything to just see me smile. It's just abundantly clear when a man truly cherishes you.

 

This guy probably showed a lot of interest, but I liken it to " superficial " interest... He liked what he saw enough to act like he was into you and make you feel like his regular calls and or.texts and his sweet words were genuinely coming from a deep place. Alas, u cannot know a person right away and let me tell you, if animal feels sufficient chemistry the he can act more into you than he truley is due to the fleeting chemistry and first impressions. If he has minimal options in women it can drive a guy who isnt smitten with you to replicate and mimic a man who IS truly taken by you.

 

 

 

 

Please go and seek out ninjainpyjamas online posts. He literally saved my dating life. I actually learned that it was in my BEST interest to look...really look into indications of a man's intentions beyond the fact they did acted sooooo into me from the get go.

[Leigh 87]

Unfortunately some of the very typical female advice that is just absolutely wrong and only sets yourself up to being even more confused, because you are trying to enforce something that is not happening naturally. You are trying to manipulate the situation, while making it seem like you're not trying to do that...by thinking you need to just make it clear what he's supposed to do or what you expect him to do

 

You can make your intentions and desires clear...but you cannot enforce/impose that on anyone, it is their choice...do you understand that? Otherwise it's like sweeping problems under the rug that are just going to spring up in your face down the road and while you keep doing that they just pile up, but you think all is good in the moment or at least you tell yourself that although frustrated, because he "listened" to you and you think "well he didn't have to do it, but he did it for me or himself because he respects me and yadda yadda"....no, he did it because you told him he had to directly or in so many words, therefore if it was up to him he might still being doing what he did till this day...but no, no, let's not watch the behavior and let him demonstrate his true intentions and character, let's try to manipulate the entire situation and then become "confused" when you're just continually trying to cut this guy off and turn him into commitment/relationship material...which I don't even know who's giving women these ideas, but they need to be punched in the face.

 

I see a lot of women after dealing with frustration and essentially tired of playing "games", start to come out with all guns blazing, being really direct and "clear" (as if we're so stupid as not to be able to figure it out with our own brains half of the time) what you want and what you're looking for...look every idiot of a man even knows that a woman is looking for a relationship it's not exactly rocket science here..and being the corporate CEO of you're dating life isn't going to allow you to get what you want, your little emotional wall or stoic attitude "until you get what you want" and "what you deserve" while you protect yourself and emotions...or you at least attempt to which never works because you can't help yourself from getting attached anyway if it's someone you really like, is just a waste of time and you're fooling nobody but yourself...you need someone who is first "willing" and has the same desire as you do, so you don't have to put in all the work and make things happen, if you're quarterbacking the whole relationship then you're not winning, you're just fabricating this make-believe commitment and relationship you think you have...but really, it was all created or heavily influenced by you but you tell yourself you're doing it together and when the guys had enough of you and your expectations, he'll just bail on you and it was all for nothing.

 

But it doesn't make a damn difference if you're dating a guy that isn't interested in the same things in the first place that you are and isn't willing to play ball...he's not going to care what you say or what you tell him to do at the end of the day, if he doesn't want to do it...there isn't going to be "miscommunication" as much as a resistance on his part to fulfill your expectations because he is not motivated or interested in fulling them...do you understand this? he doesn't really want the same things but it turns into a powerful struggle of you forcing it down his throat while he tries to evade you but not so much as to push you away entirely, but ultimately there's no way to turn a guy into something you want or to want to want the same things as you, I don't understand all these little tricks and games some women play to try and corral the men they are dating into "decent men" I guess, you might as well throw a leash around his neck and take him for walks in the park, telling him where to sniff and where to shet.

 

If you have to make a guy do anything, then that's not who he really is, it's not really representative of his intentions or feelings, it's what you want him to be. And really, what are you thinking in the first place trying to get this guy to do something, just because it's what you expect and want? does he owe you something? what makes you feel so entitled to that? because you're you? yeah you and every other woman think the same shet...Miss "Special". Oh and if you're going to go with because "he said" this or that, good grief, do you expect every man to be honest with you out there? people are selfish, just as selfish as you are in securing a relationship with a man who doesn't want one...at the end of the day people do what they want, but they play this little cat and mouse game until it isn't fun anymore and half the men end up screwing around on you on the side without you ever even knowing it.

 

Sorry ladies, whatever you think you're doing or succeeding at isn't really happening...at the end of the day that guy makes the final choice whether to do it or not, and yes some men don't have the best options or are have insecurity/life issues that make them commit, just like you settle for being strung along...I see A LOT of those men in relationships, and sure enough they're pretty complacent and tuned out of the relationship not fulfilling his SO needs, but guess what..nothing really changed, even if he was finally "tamed" into the relationship it's only because of his own inability to get out of it, so you both stay in this relationship, both unhappy all the while you try and "fix" crap, fighting over irrelevant issues and problems when the real problem is he never really even wanted this...but he just went "with the flow" and here he is.

 

It's easy to see this guy isn't looking for a commitment...a FB wall full of female friends, an addict, a nonchalant and testy attitude just to pull in your emotions, still Online...it's really a shame this doesn't make it obvious and is enough, you've actually got to push for more information to convince yourself.

 

I understand you've been out of the dating world for 8 years, but if you think men are just going to be honest and open with you just because you are, you're sorely mistaken. You being an open-book simply allows this guy to see exactly where you're coming from at all times, making it even easier than it already is to manipulate you if he so desires to...you might as well hand him over the manual of how you work entirely. You need to use your own eyes and ears to figure out what is really going on, the words are cheap...any man can say words, it doesn't make them try...you need to really start looking through the veil if you really desire transparency because there's a lot of games going on out there, with men and women...women see men playing games as not wanting to commit, and men see woman as playing games when they're trying to manipulate you or suck you into a relationship using trickery, if you really want to be "honest" then cut through the BS...call him out and be aware of what's really going on, because this regular back and forth BS that everyone seems to do and refers to be "honest and bold" just comes out like an irate customer calling customer service to complain about something, it doesn't work...the guy will show you himself where he really stands with his own actions and behavior, in reality you don't have to do all that much but women keep dating these kind of guys and keep wondering why they aren't getting into a relationship....well, how about dating men that really want to be in a relationship to begin with and are consistent and assertive in doing so.

 

 

 

 

 

Listen to this man.

 

Most women are clueless. Seriously.

 

Women are extremely adept at trying to cling onto signs that their man is truly into them.

 

Most women flippantly brush aside red flags because they are desperate to believe a man wants to commit.

 

Seriously. Reading ninjas posts and the advice he very generously dished out to me over th e years has been spot on. He was dead right about every guy I lamented about to him and to love shack viewers.

 

 

 

 

Ninjainpyjamas has nothing to gain from giving so much advice to women. He simply knows men and he knows when their are" signs" that a man is for real.

 

 

You sound clever enough op....you are actually taking our advice and considering it to be legitimate. Most women come here for advice and then turn a blind eye to all the advice they are given.

 

I know I once did only to realise everyone in here was right from the very beginning of my last failed relationship.

 

I tried to get commitment but I only postponed the inevitable by being with a man who I just " wasn't it" for........

[SparklingandBroken]

I figured I would post an update on the situation. We had a discussion and I mentioned that maybe I should be keeping my options open, like him. He said he wasn't, deleted his OD profile without me having to mention it again and apologized for not realizing how this made me feel.

 

I'm going to try to be a better communicator, but I will definitely still be in tune with my intuition. Just trying to enjoy it for what it is now without getting too ahead of myself.

[babycakees]

the guy that I am seeing... deleted his right away. said he didn't need it anymore. All by himself.

 

Same here.

[todreaminblue]

I agree with ninja, except about the part about punching people in the face...

 

 

 

i think that people give advice based on personal experience and normally with good intentions...if i give not so good advice i dont expect a punch in the face ...because ultimately it is your choice to take the advice or not....and you take what you feel you need..

 

 

you have to follow your own heart in the long run.....and use what advice suits your life, your style, your relationship and i also think if a guy is truly interested in a relationship these games and confusion shouldnt occur ...it should feel natural and a confidence a firm assertiveness in what he wants and an ease in lettign it be known..... in knowing that you are both on the esame page as far as the relationship goes....when there are insecurities shows miscommunication and or differences that might be hurdles down the track that can trip you up .....honesty is important.........deb