JonesG85 Posted June 30, 2014 Posted June 30, 2014 (edited) Ok, I'm sure this has been answered on here already but I can't seem to find anything that matches this situation exactly so here goes. Around 3 weeks ago my partner of 9 years decided to tell me after work that she "doesn't love me anymore". We have a five year old son and lived together in rented accommodation. We decided after I spent a weekend at my parents with our son that we would try and gave it four months, I returned home early Sunday afternoon and we had a BBQ with friends in our back yard. She seemed happy and told me it was good to have me home. She said she had gotten butterflies when I kissed her and that she hadn't felt that for a long time. Over the weekend I had written a letter to her explaining how I felt and what she meant to me, after reading it she told me she loved me and asked me if it felt good to hear. During the next six days I tried to do a little more around the house and help out where I hadn't in the past. Then on saturday evening when she returned home from work she told me she still felt the same and that my actions were "too little too late". I got drunk that night at a party on our street one that she also attended and when we returned home I got emotional and told our son that mummy no longer wants daddy to live with them. The following day I left for my parents again taking only what I needed she said she needed time and space. The following week was hard I tried not to contact her directly but text her once or twice and also rowed over bills and who was accountable for what etc. She then text me on the following Monday and asked me to meet up I asked if anything I said would change her mind she said no so I refused. The next day she asked to meet me again and I accepted I went to our house and noticed she had taken all of our pictures down. she then proceeded to tell me that she hadnt missed me, I had everything and I couldn't see it and she now has nothing left. A lot more was said but I asked her why she told me she loved me on the night of the BBQ and she replied that she was just lost in the moment. I have only spoken to her about us once since then and now only speak regarding our son. When we did speak she said she needs me to move on and just focus on our child. I'm really struggling because I love the girl I can't stop thinking about her and I feel like she's slipping further away I really want to make this work and she says she doesn't want to be in this same sitiation another nine years down the line and have wasted her life. We had become complacent and I work shifts 4-5pm till 2-3am one week then 2-3am till 2-3pm the next. She says we lead separate lives and she feels I need to be forced to spend time with her and the boy. She says I rejected and neglected her and created a little bubble that didn't include them. I'm sorry for the long post but there's a lot going through my mind at the minute and no one seems willing to hear me out. I need some genuine advice on how to get her back she means everything to me and I can't lose her. Please help. Edited June 30, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Paragraphs
HeartbrokenNewbie Posted June 30, 2014 Posted June 30, 2014 I think there is the potential that u may be able to save this but u have to leave her be & get on with your life.. When she sees that her foundations will shake x if u do anything else u wi risk pushing her away for good x
ThorntonMelon Posted June 30, 2014 Posted June 30, 2014 A few thoughts - I doubt "no one is willing to hear you out". What's happening right now is you're frantic, so everything is just in one ear out the other without a lot of actual consideration. And there's probably someone else. Actually, there's definitely someone else. But you won't find that out for a little while and when you do you'll be told it started afterwards. But there is. Maybe that helps, maybe that makes it worse. And control yourself around your child - telling them that "mummy doesn't want daddy around" is cruel and shows an incredible amount of immaturity, you're already trying to get in his head. Sorry for the tough love, but you need to man up immediately, especially related to your child. 1
Author JonesG85 Posted June 30, 2014 Author Posted June 30, 2014 I know that no contact is best but its hard to do because of our son. She is hardly ever alone her friends are rallied round her at the minute and she is going out every chance she gets. I went through hell on Saturday night knowing she was out partying. I don't think she is allowing herself the time to think about this? Thank you by the way.
d0nnivain Posted June 30, 2014 Posted June 30, 2014 Stop talking to your five year old about your adult relationship issues. If your GFs complaint is She says we lead separate lives and she feels I need to be forced to spend time with her and the boy. She says I rejected and neglected her and created a little bubble that didn't include them You need to show her -- not tell her -- that she is the most important thing. Have you considered proposing? It's been 9 years & you have a kid.
Author JonesG85 Posted June 30, 2014 Author Posted June 30, 2014 I regret mentioning anything to my son it was inappropriate and like melon said highly immature. I was making payments on a ring I planned to propose at Christmas. She is aware of this now as well. As for somebody else I genuinely dont believe that not because its what I want but i honestly dont think there is. What can I do to show her? I cant just turn up at our house with a ring and expect her to just say yes. We've been through a hell of a lot together and I don't believe it was hopeless she's just adamant that this the right thing to do for us and our son at the minute and I know its because she's frightened it'll never change. I'm just stuck here at the minute waiting.
d0nnivain Posted June 30, 2014 Posted June 30, 2014 Send her flowers. Write her a poem. Buy her a mushy card. Take her dancing, even if it is with you I-pod in the yard. The lady is starved for romance. 1
Author JonesG85 Posted June 30, 2014 Author Posted June 30, 2014 You honestly believe that would work? All I've heard and all I've read anywhere is "no contact".
d0nnivain Posted June 30, 2014 Posted June 30, 2014 You honestly believe that would work? All I've heard and all I've read anywhere is "no contact". NC is all about getting over her. If you are convinced there is no hope & you don't even want to try, this can help you heal. Unfortunately with a child you can't go NC. His needs have to come 1st. Communication & effort are required for a reconciliation. All I can tell you is that I was in a similar situation, minus the kid. By the time I said I wanted out, my heart was so broken & I was so angry that I wasted 9+ years of my life, that I couldn't hear any of his efforts. I will tell you also that although he talked about a ring & marriage, he never produced one or actually asked. All the roses & mushy cards in the world didn't make up for that failure.
Author JonesG85 Posted June 30, 2014 Author Posted June 30, 2014 Ok and thank you I don't believe its hopeless so I'm going to try. 1
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