Author counterman Posted July 3, 2014 Author Posted July 3, 2014 Non sense. You did nothing wrong. She was not feeling you from the beginning. When a woman likes you there is very little that will turn her off. If I like a man I never NEVER leave one of his text unattended, even if I am in a hospital bed I will find a way to contact him. Every girl that's ever liked me has never left my text unattended; in fact, they always get back to me quickly. You're probably right. She wasn't feeling it. Makes me wonder why she would say that she thought I was fun and attractive. I suppose she did and, perhaps, after talking to her friends about me, she wasn't really feeling it. Ah well, that's life.
leavesonautumn Posted July 3, 2014 Posted July 3, 2014 Sorry, I should clarify, I didn't mean that you texting her was what made her uninterested. I just meant to protect yourself, try not to get attached too early to one person and let things happen naturally. You seem like a really nice guy and it sucks hearing about all of the heartbreak on these forums, just think positive! Just remember it was one date and there are so many great people out there when it seems like you have gotten rejected. When I told that guy I wasn't interested I felt like a piece of ****. I'm not really sure why, I didn't owe him anything but I wanted to be honest. Sometimes people take the easy way out for themselves, which would be to just ignore someone. Letting someone down is super hard to do when they've done absolutely nothing wrong so on one hand I can understand why people take the easy way out after a date or two.
Author counterman Posted July 3, 2014 Author Posted July 3, 2014 Sorry, I should clarify, I didn't mean that you texting her was what made her uninterested. I just meant to protect yourself, try not to get attached too early to one person and let things happen naturally. You seem like a really nice guy and it sucks hearing about all of the heartbreak on these forums, just think positive! Just remember it was one date and there are so many great people out there when it seems like you have gotten rejected. When I told that guy I wasn't interested I felt like a piece of ****. I'm not really sure why, I didn't owe him anything but I wanted to be honest. Sometimes people take the easy way out for themselves, which would be to just ignore someone. Letting someone down is super hard to do when they've done absolutely nothing wrong so on one hand I can understand why people take the easy way out after a date or two. I agree, it is hard to let someone down. I've never had to let anyone down, as girls who have been interested in me and I haven't been interested in thwm, just fade when they realise I'm interested. I imagine it would be hard to me to say "sorry I'm not interested". It's not a reflection on them, it's not that they're unattractive or terrible people, I just don't feel it. I like that you were honest even though it was hard and you felt like crap afterwards. I'm not gonna try to understand why because that's just the way it is. I am a nice guy; I was genuine about everything. I loved that she had a good time, and it was incredibly fun getting to know her. I will admit I did get too attached early on. I normally don't because other first dates I've had hadn't been been promising at all. When I meet someone I'm really interested in, it's hard not to get excited. But there are a lot of great people out there, you're right. I'm sure I meet some of them. 1
Author counterman Posted July 10, 2014 Author Posted July 10, 2014 Well, I texted her one more time a few days ago and she explained that she had been really busy and things have been pretty much non-stop for her as she is preparing to go overseas. Anyways, we went out again last night. We had dinner, grabbed dessert and chilled for a bit. We made out and then she said she had to go. She said she wanted things to be casual. She wanted to get to know me a bit first before we have sex. So, it'll just be hanging out and hooking up. She said I can see other girls. Now I've never had experience with anything like this before. I guess I will keep seeing other girls. I'm OK with some sort of casual arrangement but how long should I go out with her without sex to know that it's not leading anywhere? I mean, if she wanted to hook up, we would have already, right? I'm just a bit confused because the more I get to know her, the more I find that we have in common. But I have to be careful not to get emotionally attached because she wants to keep things casual.
Diezel Posted July 10, 2014 Posted July 10, 2014 counterman, she's going overseas. She should be on your backburner. Do what she suggests, see other women. Any woman who was TRULY interested in you would most definitely NOT be saying that you should go see other women. Right now, you two are kissing friends. Also, at this point (I don't know how this went), but if you paid for dinner/dessert/drinks... STOP. Don't do that again.
Author counterman Posted July 10, 2014 Author Posted July 10, 2014 No matter what she wants. What do YOU want? I want one or the other; either casual sex or a dating leading to a relationship. I don't really want another friend. We have kissed. She asked me to be patient in regards to sex and has said that it's a matter of when and not if. I want to have fun.
Author counterman Posted July 10, 2014 Author Posted July 10, 2014 counterman, she's going overseas. She should be on your backburner. Do what she suggests, see other women. Any woman who was TRULY interested in you would most definitely NOT be saying that you should go see other women. Right now, you two are kissing friends. Also, at this point (I don't know how this went), but if you paid for dinner/dessert/drinks... STOP. Don't do that again. I will see other women and put her on the back burner. I don't want to be chasing her just to meet up with her. If it's mutual interest, shouldn't she be initiating too? I agree. She barely knows me but from early on, she's said that she wants things to be casual. And you're right, we're kissing friends at the moment. I paid for dinner and she paid for dessert. Honestly, I would prefer if we didn't go on dates like the one I went on last night if we're going to be casual.
Diezel Posted July 10, 2014 Posted July 10, 2014 I paid for dinner and she paid for dessert. Honestly, I would prefer if we didn't go on dates like the one I went on last night if we're going to be casual. Bingo, that's my point. You aren't going out on dates anymore... you're just hanging out (god I hate these labels, they're all stupid)... But either way, invest VERY little in her. Women like that are the kind that text me or call me (and vice versa) maybe once a week to see what's up and when to go out. I call them Plan Z.
Gaeta Posted July 10, 2014 Posted July 10, 2014 I want one or the other; either casual sex or a dating leading to a relationship. I don't really want another friend. We have kissed. She asked me to be patient in regards to sex and has said that it's a matter of when and not if. I want to have fun. She is not going to offer either to you. She is not interested in you for a relationship, if she was she would have NEVER suggested you see other women. People into casual sex don't need patience, you like her, she likes you, you get to business. The biggest concern is who gets the condoms.
Author counterman Posted July 10, 2014 Author Posted July 10, 2014 Bingo, that's my point. You aren't going out on dates anymore... you're just hanging out (god I hate these labels, they're all stupid)... But either way, invest VERY little in her. Women like that are the kind that text me or call me (and vice versa) maybe once a week to see what's up and when to go out. I call them Plan Z. I don't like all these labels either. If we're gonna hang out again, I'll say we pay for ourselves. You're right- I'm gonna invest very little in her. To be honest, the two times I did go out with her, I put in a quite a bit of effort, enough of an effort for a girlfriend. And I did send her several messages before I got a response. I've already told her that I won't be chasing her just to meet up anymore. With your Plan Z, how does it normally end up? Do you usually hang out for a long time or do they end within weeks or months?
Author counterman Posted July 10, 2014 Author Posted July 10, 2014 She is not going to offer either to you. She is not interested in you for a relationship, if she was she would have NEVER suggested you see other women. People into casual sex don't need patience, you like her, she likes you, you get to business. The biggest concern is who gets the condoms. That's what it seems like. I knew she didn't want a relationship but as for casual sex, why wait? Why try to get to know me better? What does she want then? Am I just a kissing friend?
Gaeta Posted July 10, 2014 Posted July 10, 2014 That's what it seems like. I knew she didn't want a relationship but as for casual sex, why wait? Why try to get to know me better? What does she want then? Am I just a kissing friend? Yes, a kissing friend, you boost her ego with all of those efforts you put into contacting her even if she ignores several of your text. She may be interested into casual sex but I am ready to bet you she has never done it and is inexperienced. She just keeps you around as an option that will never materialize. She will leave to Europe saying 'oh well we could have had sex'.
Author counterman Posted July 10, 2014 Author Posted July 10, 2014 Yes, a kissing friend, you boost her ego with all of those efforts you put into contacting her even if she ignores several of your text. She may be interested into casual sex but I am ready to bet you she has never done it and is inexperienced. She just keeps you around as an option that will never materialize. She will leave to Europe saying 'oh well we could have had sex'. I don't think she's ever done it either. I can't be that option, I won't be that option. She's heading overseas tomorrow for a couple of weeks. I don't think I'll contact her when she gets back. There's really no benefit to it, if we're not having sex.
Diezel Posted July 10, 2014 Posted July 10, 2014 With your Plan Z, how does it normally end up? Do you usually hang out for a long time or do they end within weeks or months? Both. It depends on the person and the maturity of this "relationship". I have a Plan Z right now and we've been doing it for about 3-4 months. I don't think it'll end anytime soon. We kinda have an understanding where we just hang out when we are both available and have nothing else to do. If she has plans, I don't care. If I have plans, she doesn't. We probably do it about once a week, go have drinks, split it 50-50 and then we go over to each others' house. Sometimes we stay, sometimes we don't. No pressure. I'm sure she goes out on dates, just as I do. But it's a mutual understanding. But I've also had Plan Z's that lasted just twice. It's all relative to the two people involve. But kissing friends? Yeah, I left that in high school. Your girl is leaving for weeks. She's not even a Plan Z. If you aren't emotionally invested, there is nothing wrong with texting her in about two months, but keep going out with others.
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