pink_sugar Posted June 30, 2014 Share Posted June 30, 2014 Has she been ever been tested for ADD? Her absentmindedness could be a symptom of borderline ADD inattentive type. Sadly, this can continue into adulthood. It has nothing to do with maturity really as many adults have ADD. Some of the most common characteristics of ADD included being disorganized, forgetful etc. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mapper71 Posted June 30, 2014 Author Share Posted June 30, 2014 However, I do have to give her credit for starting this thread without an exclamation point in the title! Yay!!! WOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOO! And yes I AM just venting! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mapper71 Posted June 30, 2014 Author Share Posted June 30, 2014 This taking your stories and running to your family with them, and the " I just don't know how she will turn out " needs to stop. you are a step parent. STEP mother... not mother. You have a completely different role to play than the actual mother in this situation. You do not get to dictate how to parent in this case. You follow the lead of the actual parent that you married, the father. Its not your place to try and make your step daughter into who you want her to be. Your role is strictly support, not lead. If you want to befriend her and hope you rub off on her in a completely voluntary sense, you can. But you can not make demands, or try and take the lead in the parenting role. If you make an attempt to do so, you will drive a wedge in between you and her, and it will also affect.your marriage. Its up to you how you want to proceed, but coming from a stepchild, if you screw this up, you will never win the respect of your step daughter back. My stepdaughter loves me! I have befriended her as far as she can tell. I haven't driven a wedge at all and I'm her go to over her father. Oh HELL no I do not want to parent...I just can't stand the way she acts a lot of the time and her absentmindedness. She thinks she knows it all but has no clue. Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted June 30, 2014 Share Posted June 30, 2014 She thinks she knows it all You don't remember being like that when you were 16!?!? Seriously - I haven't met a teenager who doesn't think they know it all at that age. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted June 30, 2014 Share Posted June 30, 2014 Mapper71 What do want? I don't get it. You post about your H's behavior but don't change your marital stats or work to improve your marriage. You complain about your step daughter but don't take the adult role to parent her, guide her or do anything to help her. She's a 16 year old girl who you resent. We get that. But other than murdering her or having your husband never spend time with her, what do you want? If you can articulate that perhaps somebody can help you formulate a strategy to achieve it. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted July 1, 2014 Share Posted July 1, 2014 Yep enigma...exactly... if she was my kid she'd have to wait for her wallet in the mail since she could board the train anyway...if she wanted the concert so badly she would have figured it out... the adults in her life are failing... 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mapper71 Posted July 1, 2014 Author Share Posted July 1, 2014 Problem one. She forgets her ID, but the attendant lets her get what she wants anyway. Again, even though she doesn't show any responsibility, the people in her life bend over backwards to make sure she gets what she wants anyway. Why should she thank anyone? I have the feeling people will keep kissing her butt anyway. Next time, don't mention it to her. She will have to do without her boots. Why should she pay attention? She seems to have a team of people ready to jump whenever she needs anything. Of course she expects it. Everyone seems to be falling over themselves to do her work for her. I think the issue here isn't any problem with the girl, but with everyone in her life giving her everything she wants. Why should she start acting differently when they are no consequences? If everyone quit kissing her behind all the time, and letting her get whatever she wants, she might learn a little responsibility. Amen! True dat! Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted July 1, 2014 Share Posted July 1, 2014 I have to say also that it sounds like typical teenage behavior. Their brains aren't fully developed yet. She does need to learn the consequences and not always have someone pick up for her (certainly the money thing) but you can't just not put her on the train either. But you have to learn what happens and that everything can't always be fixed and what happens if there's no way to fix it. But that's up to her parents. I know grownups who still leave things behind and are super forgetful. I don't remain friends with them, but I know there's some who leave it to their spouses to look after them like children because no one ever let them deal with consequences. And also, you can't rule out some people are just very very disorganized. Link to post Share on other sites
RedRobin Posted July 23, 2014 Share Posted July 23, 2014 I know riiiiiiiiiiiiiight! If it were me, I'd find something else to do on the day she needed to go to the train and make your H deal with it on his own. His kid, his problem. Link to post Share on other sites
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