emotionalMess Posted June 30, 2014 Posted June 30, 2014 It was this time last year we started up and its a difficult time with all the memories cropping up. Today I made a big step forward to end the insanity. I completely blocked her from my life relinquishing the last possible channel to me which was a phone/text block. Its a long story as to why I left a channel open. I did it mostly to keep my word where 2 months ago I communicated to her that I would unblock her if she wanted to pursue a friendship. But I realized by doing so, I'm leaving myself in a position in a world of hurt. Hell, the fact that she has not even attempted to breadcrumb me over this channel hurts. She had all the power, every ounce of it. The pleading dumpee at her feet, her on a pedastal and a doormat to step on when ever she had found the time to dignify a response. Not anymore! We both have self-esteem issues and if she gets a little ego-boost from any of what she has done, I am fine with that because she really needs it. I actually pity her a bit that she lost the opportunity to be with me. Sounds arrogant but this is how I feel. You see, I don't need her in my life at all. The love of my life would have never treated me the way she did, period. So me blocking today is a huge milestone. It sucks that she lives in my neighborhood so a run-in is highly possible. Next, hurdle is I have to avoid all places she would ever go which is hard but this is where the run-ins can occur. My deal in a nutshell: In a daily relationship: June - Oct I backed off a bit, wanted space: November She dumped me for another: December She blocked me for Social media: December - present She attempted LC by phone and I pleaded: December - Feb I said no to Friendship asked her not to contact me as I went NC: Feb I broke NC and wrote final closure letter but left Casual Friendship door open to which she refused: March She has no bf now but wants to be alone: March I broke NC and wrote that trust could be rebuilt and I would unblock her from everything I was ignored and blocked again: May Sitting here like an idiot waiting for a breadcrumb: May-Present
lesdeuxsoleils Posted June 30, 2014 Posted June 30, 2014 My #1 rule at this point in life is that when a relationship ends, you should cut all contact in max one month. Texts, calls, makeup etc. would happen within this timeframe. You guys seem to have gone back and forth a lot. One month is enough time for mature individuals to figure out whether a relationship will work or not and whether you should apologise or not. If you tried to contact her last and she ignored it, then it's time to move on. If she really cared about you and wanted to be with you nothing would stop her and she would respond in a heartbeat. When you really want something and you have the opportunity, would you let go of it. The answer is No. Think about it... 4
Author emotionalMess Posted July 1, 2014 Author Posted July 1, 2014 Yes, I agree. I would say I wasted a lot of time over this however in retrospect and through discovery, I feel I have gained more self-awareness / self-acceptance / self-compassion in the last 6 months than I have in my entire life beforehand. So this was actually one of the bigger, more positive events in my life. Forget the relationship, that (negative) loss is tiny compared to the (positive) gains. Hell, at this point I may even find my purpose in life and sometimes just want to shout Woooo Hooooo! thanks for dumping me!!! That's how I see it. 1
David87 Posted July 1, 2014 Posted July 1, 2014 Well glad to see that you made it so far, and the block thing will make things much easier. 2
Author emotionalMess Posted July 1, 2014 Author Posted July 1, 2014 (edited) Thanks D87. I miss Facebook but I am not going to start up again anytime soon. There is one very f**ing annoying tech bug that I was dealing with though I think I found a work-around. Whenever I search for email within my primary email account (yahoo). Her F**ing live facebook profile pic shows up in history. Somehow her live facebook thumbnail gets associated with my other email (gmail) account. Yes, my gmail account which as nothing to do with her. So F**ing annoying, so pissed off at yahoo about this. Since I have blocked her everywhere, can you imagine how p**sed this made me? It happened just the other day. My fix was to downgrade my email client to the older version of Yahoo Mail so the search history does not behave the same way. If I could delete my email account I would but I have had it for way too long and it is my primary email account. I tested the block on my phone. If she calls, there will be no trace log. I did not test txt. I'm going to check my carrier to see if the test showed up as a call there. Edited July 1, 2014 by emotionalMess
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