HorseLuck Posted June 30, 2014 Posted June 30, 2014 (edited) Not sure if this is the right category. I've had seemingly good relationships; this is the first time I've experienced a partner like this. We were in a relationship going on two months and bam, he disappeared. There were some red flags along the way but I chose to give him the benefit of the doubt. A bit confused and wanting to post my story. Good thing this happened early on, and thank the lucky stars I had not slept with him yet. Just wanting the opinions of others as to what might have been going on here and what type of guy I'm dealing with. My self-esteem is hurt even though I know it wasn't my fault. He moved pretty fast upon showing interest in getting into a serious relationship. Called, texted and was eager to spend time with me. It was never for more than hour though and usually resulted in having dinner. I attributed it to his hectic work schedule. He was very charming (said flirtatiousness was a part of his nature) and attentive, made me feel special, but always brought up the topic of sex. The last time he brought it up (and shortly after disappeared) was during an outing to celebrate my birthday. While picking me up, he tells me that he just found out a family member close to him is ill. He had just found out prior to picking me up. He then proceeded to asks me if i would be willing to skip the plans and sleep with him instead to alleviate some of the stress. I said no but I was also shocked that he had the nerve to ask me in such a manner as to make me feel guilty/obligated. Anyway, we went out and he had wrapped things up early being that he had to get back to see the family member, as he had come to see me straight from work (funny enough, I know that if I threw the offer of sex on the table at the last minute- he would have managed to stay longer). I arrived back home, dolled up, feeling like **** and a bit used. Later on he texted me mentioning how he had wished he could have slept with me. Feeling guilty and upset, I got into an argument mentioning that it was funny "someone who claimed to be so concerned and preoccupied at the moment with a life threatening illness had that on the brain". During the time span of a few weeks from then on, he kept me up to date with what was going on with this family member. I offered to visit him at the hospital since he was spending a lot of time there. Never took me up on that offer. He apologized for being distant and promised he'd make it up to me. The last I heard was due to me reaching out and asking how things were. Three days had passed by that point. He told me not well, and that he was dealing it. Since then, nothing. I decided the ball was in his court and I wasn't going to go frantic trying to contact him or pushing him to speak if he wasn't comfortable doing so. It's going to be four weeks since he disappeared without a word. Tell me, did i meet a player? Was this whole story a probable lie to get into my pants? Despite that not happening, I still feel like a huge idiot. Also, if he chooses to reach out again what should I do? As much as I'd like to avoid it, I might run into him in person. My family might have the opportunity to run into him as well. Edited June 30, 2014 by HorseLuck
artsygirl78 Posted June 30, 2014 Posted June 30, 2014 This sounds like a player to me - pay attention to his behaviour. Two months is very little time to know someone, and he was pushing sex/closeness immediately, then dropped off the face of the earth. Run, do not walk, in the opposite direction. I think it was a blessing he was out of the picture early - had you gotten involved more seriously, there could have been a lot of emotional damage.
artsygirl78 Posted June 30, 2014 Posted June 30, 2014 And P.S. - you are NOT, I repeat, NOT, an idiot. You sound like a classy person who knows their boundaries, and he quickly figured out he was not going to be able to get what he wanted from you. You handled yourself very well, it can take a long time to get to know who someone really is. 1
Author HorseLuck Posted June 30, 2014 Author Posted June 30, 2014 (edited) And P.S. - you are NOT, I repeat, NOT, an idiot. You sound like a classy person who knows their boundaries, and he quickly figured out he was not going to be able to get what he wanted from you. You handled yourself very well, it can take a long time to get to know who someone really is. Yea, I know emotionally this could have been done a lot more damage had I decided to give in. And thank you. I thought I came across that way initially (I had approached him) but if that was the case I'm not sure why he thought I would be easy. And why didn't he try harder? lol. Don't players like the chase? He's ten years older than me and a successful professional. Not surprised if he has multiple women on the side..eew. I have a feeling dating is going to be a pain in my rear after having been in a long term relationship for awhile. Maybe I'm just in a negative state right now. Don't have as much experience as I thought. Edited June 30, 2014 by HorseLuck 1
Snakechammah Posted June 30, 2014 Posted June 30, 2014 Wow! You dodged a bullet! I am so proud you didn't cave in. He is so not worth it. Scum written all over. You are right that is it strange and creepy that a man has sex in his mind while a family member is ill. Put him in the trash bin and close the lid!
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