Author MatrixLiz Posted July 2, 2014 Author Posted July 2, 2014 This. My ex was on a witch hunt to catch me cheating on her. She scoured my internet history, wanted to see my bank statements hacked my facebook, email. Went through even deleted emails that were never sent. Skimmed my phone when i was sleeping. I wasnt cheating. She never found what she was looking for. But on occasion shed find something that she didnt like, like an entry in my private journal, some raunchy porn, a google search. Once i was hammered and sent an email to an escort off craigslist. I woke up remorseful and saw that it never even got sent and thought that was great and deleted the draft. When shed come at me with these "nuggets" i would blow my top and i nearly dumped her. Would have kicked her ass right out if there wasnt a kid involved. I mean if you log i to my computer to print a file and my email is uo and theres some broad emailing me go ahead flip out. But to go through my crap on a weekly or daily basis, must have been. Wasnt much to find so i only blew my lid at her a few times. What im getting at is that there is likely a repeated pattern of insecurity in the way OP asks these "fair questions". I mean come on, who sees a car seat is moved, then asks who was in the car, then when told nobody asks if it was a brother, then asks well who was in the car, and carries on. Its a snoop, thats who. If he did this in isolation, hes guilty. If this is the straw that broke the camels back in a practical interrogation and investigation each time he does his own thing for a day, time for OP to get her own counselling. I'm sorry that your ex was like this to you, but I have not done those things. The fishy things that I've found throughout the time that we've been together have already been listed in this thread, but I'll list a few of them here again: condoms in his trunk, condoms in a camera bag / travel bag, running in to an ex of his and her telling me that she had spent the night while he was dating me and that she broke the picture of us that he had told me the airline broke (she says that he would not allow sex between them but they slept in the same bed), in the beginning of our dating - seeing late night and early morning texts from other girls, and then lately - being picked up at 10:30pm or 11pm instaed of 7pm/8pm/9pm like a regular friday/saturday night date. But the chair thing is suspicious because he couldn't just tell me the truth of how/why/by whom it was moved.. said he didn't know (the seat was very different than I left it just 10 hours prior, and it will only move manually). when I was suspicious, I would HAVE REASON and ask him about it (not snoop through his emails or internet history, etc). and I'd ask him not by saying "this means you're probably cheating," I would just ask him "why is ____ like ____?" You say that you blew your lid a few times, well - did you break up with her? yell and yell and yell at her and not drop the subject? make her go home right away? kick your car over and over? cry? turn it around and make her look like a villain for possibly suspecting anything? say that you don't care when she was hurt by you poking her in the ribs? Welp, that's what my boyfriend (ex bf?) did. If he was guilty about cheating, would it warrant any other response other than this? Is there a reason to lie about the seat if he's innocent? It's weird to suddenly remove all love for someone because she questions your trustworthiness (and how can I trust if he's obviously lieing?). I felt like I questioned him and then suddenly all of the love in his eyes was completely gone and it didn't return that night, didn't return the next morning; etc. just yelling, anger, and cold-ness
Author MatrixLiz Posted July 2, 2014 Author Posted July 2, 2014 Someone online said "only time the seat was moved back a lot in my car was when id have car sex.... I am very very very sorry." . . . the seat wAs moved WAYY back. and it's a little car. why would it possibly be moved back so dramatically and how could he possible "not know" how it changed in the 10 hours in-between when I last saw him? what is the percentage of chance that he was not cheating? what is the percentage of chance that he was not lying/lieing?
ktya Posted July 2, 2014 Posted July 2, 2014 say that you blew your lid a few times, well - did you break up with her? yell and yell and yell at her and not drop the subject? make her go home right away? kick your car over and over? cry? turn it around and make her look like a villain for possibly suspecting anything? say that you don't care when she was hurt by you poking her in the ribs? Welp, that's what my boyfriend (ex bf?) did. While there was no rib poking i would have told her to GTFO and take her sh.t with her if there wasnt a kid involved and i told her so. I did yell at her. She lived with me so i couldnt make her go home, but i almost told her to gtfo and go sleep at her dads but i didnt want to involve the kid in her stupid crap.
BetheButterfly Posted July 2, 2014 Posted July 2, 2014 - At one point he was pointing his finger at me and it was hitiing my rib, so I said "you're hurting me" and he said "I don't care; YOU're hurting ME! Chihuahuas. He said "I don't care" when you told him he was hurting you... please get out of that relationship. This man is an abuser. I am worried for you now. - He was downright CRYING of emotional pain at some points... so since he was so hurt, does that mean that he wants me to see him as the good man that he is because he was innocent?No. A good man is not going to say he doesn't care if he's hurting you. He's not a good man. Maybe that is why he is crying, cause he knows it? He needs to change, and I mean radical change. I think you need to let him go and wait for concrete proof in years before trusting this guy. - Where do I even take this from here?? Do I wait for a text from him? Do I call him in 2 weeks if I haven't heard from him?Why do you want to call him??? Do you like that he doesn't care when he hurts you???? HOW can we set this right?He needs help... counseling, therapy kind of help. I care for him so very muchSadly, many people are physically and emotionally abused and stay with their abuser because they care for them. It's not bad to care for him, but you need to care for yourself too and you need to not be a doormat, please. Don't allow anyone to treat you like that. 1
BetheButterfly Posted July 2, 2014 Posted July 2, 2014 This man sounds unstable. And clearly you fight every so often and then he hits objects, punches walls, screams and cries. This is abnormal. Forget the car seat, which is in itself fishy, but at this point besides the point. His response is scary and doesn't look good for the future. It also seems manipulative. Manipulative people tend to have over the top reactions when they feel cornered in order to not have to answer questions or be accountable and that's what he seems to be doing. They behave in over the top ways so that the focus comes off of them and the question at hand and turns toward making you feel bad for questioning them. I know you love him and what have you...but this behavior is alarming and you need to think carefully about your future with a man who when you argue needs to behave so erratically especially over simple things. 100% agreed.
Elle1975 Posted July 2, 2014 Posted July 2, 2014 I'm sorry that your ex was like this to you, but I have not done those things. The fishy things that I've found throughout the time that we've been together have already been listed in this thread, but I'll list a few of them here again: condoms in his trunk, condoms in a camera bag / travel bag, running in to an ex of his and her telling me that she had spent the night while he was dating me and that she broke the picture of us that he had told me the airline broke (she says that he would not allow sex between them but they slept in the same bed), in the beginning of our dating - seeing late night and early morning texts from other girls, and then lately - being picked up at 10:30pm or 11pm instaed of 7pm/8pm/9pm like a regular friday/saturday night date. But the chair thing is suspicious because he couldn't just tell me the truth of how/why/by whom it was moved.. said he didn't know (the seat was very different than I left it just 10 hours prior, and it will only move manually). when I was suspicious, I would HAVE REASON and ask him about it (not snoop through his emails or internet history, etc). and I'd ask him not by saying "this means you're probably cheating," I would just ask him "why is ____ like ____?" You say that you blew your lid a few times, well - did you break up with her? yell and yell and yell at her and not drop the subject? make her go home right away? kick your car over and over? cry? turn it around and make her look like a villain for possibly suspecting anything? say that you don't care when she was hurt by you poking her in the ribs? Welp, that's what my boyfriend (ex bf?) did. If he was guilty about cheating, would it warrant any other response other than this? Is there a reason to lie about the seat if he's innocent? It's weird to suddenly remove all love for someone because she questions your trustworthiness (and how can I trust if he's obviously lieing?). I felt like I questioned him and then suddenly all of the love in his eyes was completely gone and it didn't return that night, didn't return the next morning; etc. just yelling, anger, and cold-ness Glad you're seeing the situation for what it is. Now get out of it. He can go torture someone else.
smuggy95 Posted July 3, 2014 Posted July 3, 2014 GoreSP it also sounds condescending when you say sweetie (go ahead, use it again addressing me)... Anyways, from what I know, human beings love being right. Very rarely do we pass up the opportunity to show another person why they are wrong, especially if they accuse us of something we are innocent of. The fact that he did not prove her wrong (didn't even try to argue that the seat was not moved back..., which means it was) tells me a lot. 1
GoreSP Posted July 3, 2014 Posted July 3, 2014 GoreSP it also sounds condescending when you say sweetie (go ahead, use it again addresing me)t. Glad it came out cause it kind of was the goal...
Purepony Posted July 3, 2014 Posted July 3, 2014 Dead op Please drop.this Guy and move on! Signed smart people
LifeIsGreat Posted July 3, 2014 Posted July 3, 2014 Not sure why people are blasting OP for asking about the seat. I would have done the same thing. NOT because I was accusing, but because I'm making conversation. When you get to a point where you have to watch every damn thing you say to someone..... that's a problem. If I notice that my gf has a hole in her wall behind the bed, am I not supposed to ask what happened because she may feel I'm accusing her of sleeping with another guy and smashing the head board against the wall?? Geez.
Recommended Posts