Jump to content

BF (Age 26) Issue. Wow, tHis issue makes me feel sick to my stomach

MatrixLiz

By MatrixLiz
in Marriage and Life Partnerships

 Share
While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!

Recommended Posts

MatrixLiz Member

MatrixLiz

Posted
Posted

So I noticed the passenger seat in his car was very different than how I ever had it (reclined and scooted back).

So I asked him "what did you do today" and if he had anyone in his car and he said no. I then asked if HE had moved it, and he said no (but I know for a fact that I never have the passenger seat like that). Is there another possible explanation or is he lying?

 

He provided no explanation. Then he got very furious with me and yelled and swore at me and hit objects and started treating ME like -I- was the bad one. He said that me asking him that is implying that he's a cheater and a liar and that that makes him feel "small"

He said, "I gave you my heart and now it's all for nothing.." And it seemed like he was breaking up with me... but the previous day he had just gotten done saying that I was his dream girl and that we're going to get married some day.

 

He dropped me back off at my apartment furious as can be - he was being cold and distant and not loving and he would cry an then swear and then yell at me and punch the wall and such... he was being bad with me

 

. . . I don't want to loose him... he has been so wonderful with me (aside from when we get into an argument/fight [like once every two months]) and our souls match so well... I've never felt such a strong connection as what I feel with him. But when he gets mad - it makes me wonder how we can work out being partners for life

 

I don't know what to make of this or what to do next

BetrayedH Established Member

BetrayedH

Posted
Posted

That's a pretty typical cheater's reaction. They act "shocked" that you would even accuse them and then take it a step further to get all hurt and angry about it. This takes all of the pressure off of them and puts it on you - as if you're the one ruining the relationship by asking about it. Many times they keep it up because if their reaction is negative enough, it may deter you from making any accusations in the future. Look up the term, gaslighting.

 

I suggest you just play dumb, pretend that you believe the seat just moved itself, and then quietly go into investigative mode. Your problem was that you confronted him before you had enough proof to convince yourself. Don't do that again. Even when you have proof, you don't need to convince him - he already knows. I wouldn't bother with a confrontation. Just put his things on the front step (at his other GF's house) and change the locks.

 

You also need to get this fantasy out of your head. Your souls don't "match so well" when he's punching holes in walls. That's no fairytale.

  • Like 10
oldshirt Established Member

oldshirt

Posted
Posted

if he acts like that, does it really matter if he's cheating or not?

  • Like 9
Turtles Established Member

Turtles

Posted
Posted

It's true, regardless of whether your accusations were founded or not, think about how he handled the conflict - is that someone you want to live with?

  • Like 4
  • Author
MatrixLiz Member

MatrixLiz

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Please check out the "dating" category of the "romantic" forum - all of the other replies are over there. and a lot more detail on my part.

 

Romantic > Dating

 

and thank you for what you guys all said.

 

I simply can NOT BELIEVE that he would cheat when he spends all of his friday and saturday nights with me and he calls me his "dream girl" and I meet up with his family and everything. We even named our future daughter. I don't get it.

BetheButterfly Established Member

BetheButterfly

Posted
Posted
So I noticed the passenger seat in his car was very different than how I ever had it (reclined and scooted back).

So I asked him "what did you do today" and if he had anyone in his car and he said no. I then asked if HE had moved it, and he said no (but I know for a fact that I never have the passenger seat like that). Is there another possible explanation or is he lying?

 

He provided no explanation. Then he got very furious with me and yelled and swore at me and hit objects and started treating ME like -I- was the bad one. He said that me asking him that is implying that he's a cheater and a liar and that that makes him feel "small"

He said, "I gave you my heart and now it's all for nothing.." And it seemed like he was breaking up with me... but the previous day he had just gotten done saying that I was his dream girl and that we're going to get married some day.

 

He dropped me back off at my apartment furious as can be - he was being cold and distant and not loving and he would cry an then swear and then yell at me and punch the wall and such... he was being bad with me

 

. . . I don't want to loose him... he has been so wonderful with me (aside from when we get into an argument/fight [like once every two months]) and our souls match so well... I've never felt such a strong connection as what I feel with him. But when he gets mad - it makes me wonder how we can work out being partners for life

 

I don't know what to make of this or what to do next

 

He's scary. I would run for the hills. Swore at you and hitting things??? :( Not cool and not acceptable. Does he drink a lot of alcohol?

 

He needs anger management and if he is addicted to alcohol or a drug, he needs freedom from it. Otherwise, please don't marry him.

 

Manipulators by the way act in an unacceptable manner and then do a 180 and act all sweet, then repeat the cycle again and again. From what I have heard, being married to a person like that is a nightmare. Run.

BetheButterfly Established Member

BetheButterfly

Posted
Posted
if he acts like that, does it really matter if he's cheating or not?

 

Yeah... :( Scary.

WasOtherWoman Established Member

WasOtherWoman

Posted
Posted

"Then he got very furious with me and yelled and swore at me and hit objects..."

 

WHAT?? WHAT?? I have been married to my husband for almost 15 years and he has never yelled or sworn at me.

 

Why on God's green earth would you accept that behavior? Who cares, at this point, if he cheated or not?

 

To the curb with this one....

  • Like 2
SammySammy Established Member

SammySammy

Posted
Posted

Why do we automatically assume he's been cheating?

 

Maybe there's another explanation for the seat seemingly being in a different position. When I get my car detailed, the guys who clean my car move the seat when cleaning the interior. When I carry a large box or something, I move the seat back to make room for it in that seat. Maybe he did something like that and forgot about it. Maybe the OP's memory is faulty and the seat wasn't moved at all. There could be a number of explanations other than cheating.

 

No one likes to be accused falsely. Sure, he could have reacted better but the OP could also have given him the benefit of the doubt since she had no other reason to suspect of cheating. Rather than becoming suspicious, accusatory and getting "sick to her stomach" before she had any solid evidence of him doing anything wrong.

 

I think both parties could have handled the situation better.

whichwayisup Established Member

whichwayisup

Posted
Posted (edited)
So I noticed the passenger seat in his car was very different than how I ever had it (reclined and scooted back).

So I asked him "what did you do today" and if he had anyone in his car and he said no. I then asked if HE had moved it, and he said no (but I know for a fact that I never have the passenger seat like that). Is there another possible explanation or is he lying?

 

He provided no explanation. Then he got very furious with me and yelled and swore at me and hit objects and started treating ME like -I- was the bad one. He said that me asking him that is implying that he's a cheater and a liar and that that makes him feel "small"

He said, "I gave you my heart and now it's all for nothing.." And it seemed like he was breaking up with me... but the previous day he had just gotten done saying that I was his dream girl and that we're going to get married some day.

 

He dropped me back off at my apartment furious as can be - he was being cold and distant and not loving and he would cry an then swear and then yell at me and punch the wall and such... he was being bad with me

 

. . . I don't want to loose him... he has been so wonderful with me (aside from when we get into an argument/fight [like once every two months]) and our souls match so well... I've never felt such a strong connection as what I feel with him. But when he gets mad - it makes me wonder how we can work out being partners for life

 

I don't know what to make of this or what to do next

 

His reaction was over the top and RUDE. So disrespectful too the way he spoke to you and freaked out. People who react like this usually are the ones cheating, though they will throw it in your face (like he did to you)!

 

If there was absolutely nothing going on and he had nothing to hide, he wouldn't be so angry and pissy about you asking why the seat had been moved. Makes you think, doesn't it?

 

Went and read your other thread. DUMP this guy. He has anger issues and is borderline abusive..meaning the poking you in the ribs and him ignoring your requests to stop and his pokes were hurting you, it won't be long before he puts his fist to your face. sorry to be that blunt, but you need to GET OUT and stay away from him.

 

He needs help, counseling and anger management.

Edited by whichwayisup
 Share
Go to topic listing
×
×
  • Create New...