sinkerswim Posted February 17, 2005 Posted February 17, 2005 I met this great guy last month, and we really hit it off so well. He is just soo sweet and kind and the other night he came over and brought me a dozen red roses and a box of chocolates. Weve only seen each other 3 times...but those three times were amazing!!! Those who know my story, know that I went through a horrid breakup with my fiance last year around this time, So I am now moving on and I am happy once again. But what has be so paranoid is I dont want to be hurt again. I know I should just have fun and enjoy it day by day...right? Also I was so used to spending almost every day with my ex and I talked to him all the time on the phone.. This new guy is different...He is a very busy guy with his job (hes a businessman) and doesnt always get the time to talk to me... When I saw him Tuesday night..I told him I hope I see him more often now. He said the same things. We kissed and held each other because i was soo happy to be with him again. He told me we are going to the movies this weekend.. but I get paranoid that he will forget or something. I really like this guy... He treats me well and he tells me I am sweet, pretty and sexy.. everything a girl wants to hear. Anyway..I guess I should chill out and let things happen right? Should I keep contacting him about the movies? LOL I know..I am way to paranoid. I guess everybody is different.. I know I dont need to talk to him everyday, but I feel like I have to! I WANT TO!! LOL
Sckott Posted February 17, 2005 Posted February 17, 2005 Ah, that GREEDY feeling! Gimmie-gimmie! I was in a 3-year and living with someone very special, and now I'm (gulp) dating again, and I hear ya. Once you get that tight relationship, you jonze for it quite a bit again. Easy to understand. In fact, most of my SO's were real tight with me. Dating and playing the game makes me feel weird too. I'd remind you, this is still the baby stage of the relationship where romance rides high and you get caught up in the swing of new found love. I'm sure he really likes you and you're doing exactly the right things. Just be aware that things DO have to take their course, and you and he will be soon in the "Learning" phase, and hopefully you both might find each others querks, weaknesses, strengths. You both make it clear to each other that you're feeling great about each other? Good. Leave him with his work, when you get together look inside and learn more about him. Don't push or rush, just use the time to make fun plans. Your feet really haven't hit the ground yet. Enjoy the high and the time with and without him. Keep an open mind and CHILL.
tattoomytoe Posted February 17, 2005 Posted February 17, 2005 i think you are getting needy. you need to occupy your time, so you are not thinking about this guy all the time. do not scare him off by seeming desparate. go out with friends, come on ls, do anything...just do not bambard him with calls and make him feel suffocated.
April22 Posted February 17, 2005 Posted February 17, 2005 Sounds a lot like my man. He has a really busy life, a very busy job, is taking classes at night, is looking to buy a house... Since the busyness and stress level goes up, the phone calls and contact go down. I try not to take it personal anymore. Yes I do go crazy wanting to talk to him if I don't hear from him until 7pm at night.. I just love hearing his voice People handle things in different ways, some just need space during those times and my guy is one of those guys. Patience is hard to have sometimes, but really is needed. The paranoia is so normal. Anyone who has been really hurt has that in the back of their head. Nobody wants to go thru that again. He sounds like a great guy, so don't let it take over you. Stay happy, think positive, and have fun! Enjoy every moment to it's fullest. About the movie, I wouldn't bug him about it. Just mention it the night before to finalize plans. Since he is such a busy guy, he could have a lot on him mind involving work and stuff and he might forget that he made the plan. It happens, but it isn't intentional. Hey I did it last Friday, I totally forgot a plan I had made in the begining of the week. Ooops, I felt so bad. I was busy all week with school work and just forgot. A little reminder is always good
Author sinkerswim Posted February 18, 2005 Author Posted February 18, 2005 thanks for the responses you guys... I guess I should just relax and not be so clingy... To answer your question Sckott, we went to a Starbucks coffee shop on our first date, then the other two times he came over and we watched some tv and cuddled...and we did have sex. It was sooo amazing... I dont know...I just really hit it off with him..and I dont normally just do that kind of thing wiht just anyone. My ex fiance was my one and only before this guy. We just have amazing chemistry and cant keep our hands off each other. I just want it to work out...
Sckott Posted February 18, 2005 Posted February 18, 2005 Sounds good to me. Chemistry is precious especially these days. Cuddling and nookie is much better than a carmel latte' any day of the week. Good luck! Sounds nice!
Pendawn Posted February 18, 2005 Posted February 18, 2005 Originally posted by sinkerswim thanks for the responses you guys... I guess I should just relax and not be so clingy... To answer your question Sckott, we went to a Starbucks coffee shop on our first date, then the other two times he came over and we watched some tv and cuddled...and we did have sex. It was sooo amazing... I dont know...I just really hit it off with him..and I dont normally just do that kind of thing wiht just anyone. My ex fiance was my one and only before this guy. We just have amazing chemistry and cant keep our hands off each other. I just want it to work out... OMG you could be me. I am in exactly the same situation. Only had one ex, we got together as friends turned to lovers so we never actually dated, I am in my first dating expeiernce of my life. So far have seen the guy twice and now I can't stop thinking about him. Before we met we talked online and he was very keen with a lot of long term statements, and on our dates he's continued to mention things that indicate he wants to see me again (mentioning a movie theatre we should go to, offering to leave his favourite film at my place) but yet I'm STILL paranoid he's about to say he doesn't want to see me any more. I never had ANY of these kind of feelings with my ex, I was utterly relaxed about everything. I am pertrified of coming on too strong and trying so hard not to contact him. Like you my guy has a LOT going on in his life and very few nights where he's free, so it'll be a week between date 2 and 3. I'm going nuts already. And just like you I do have this "never felt like this before" feeling, my ex and I were fun and soft and quite dull. This guy and I are electric and I feel so so into him sexually and other ways. It scares me. I really had no idea dating was so emotionally exhausting.
iceisles Posted February 18, 2005 Posted February 18, 2005 I'm in a similar boat with this girl I'm dating. I think paranoia is very normal in this situation. You find something great and don't want to lose it. I think that's a big reason so many guys are the jealous type. We know chemistry is so hard to find and never want to see it slip away. Just try not to worry too much. I never believe in worrying until the other person does something to make me start asking serious questions.
Pendawn Posted February 18, 2005 Posted February 18, 2005 Oh meant to add, this is my tip on how I'm coping. All the stuff I am thinking about him, and would like to say to him, I'm writing down in a journal. That way I feel I'm saying it, it stops it going round and round my head, but I'm not scaring him off by sending him gushing emails. Maybe in the future if it works out and we're more committed I'll let him read it, but right now it just helps me get all my feelings out.
Author sinkerswim Posted February 18, 2005 Author Posted February 18, 2005 Oh wow! Does sound like we are in the same boat... Yeah, I guess I cant keep writing emails to him. I havent heard from him now since Wednesday and Im all paranoid now. I know there are times where a couple days go by...but still. Im all freaked out. Although I am dying inside, because I want to see him sooo badly...I know I cant seem "needy". Ughhh HELPPP LOL He is just AMAZING....never thought I could have feelings like this for anyone after my ex fiance left me.
Pendawn Posted February 20, 2005 Posted February 20, 2005 Originally posted by sinkerswim Oh wow! Does sound like we are in the same boat... Yeah, I guess I cant keep writing emails to him. I havent heard from him now since Wednesday and Im all paranoid now. I know there are times where a couple days go by...but still. Im all freaked out. Although I am dying inside, because I want to see him sooo badly...I know I cant seem "needy". Ughhh HELPPP LOL He is just AMAZING....never thought I could have feelings like this for anyone after my ex fiance left me. Hey Renee, how are you doing? Any updates? I'm still suffering in silence. Sent him a text today but no reply and he's not been online tonight. Paranoia grows by the hour. I feel like a fool! Would love to know what happens, have you been to the movies or have you been in contact about a date? I have another 3 days till my date, and no arrangements have been made, so if the date is going to happen he has to get in contact with me before then. I keep telling myself it's nota huge deal, if he's lost interest as I actually do have other guys waiting to date me, so why am I sitting here crying over a guy I've met twice??
Author sinkerswim Posted February 20, 2005 Author Posted February 20, 2005 Hi Pendawn.,, Well, NO Word from him and my heart feels broken. I tried calling him last night and left a message and I called him just a bit ago and he didnt answer. I am very dissapointed in him. I really like this guy... So..I am sitting ALONE tonite and had a little cry before... Our Valentines Day was soooo nice and amazing together... and I dont know what happened. So...I am right there with you.... I know how you feel. at least you have a few days left yet.... he may come around! I hope he does. I think we really like these new guys so much and dont want to get hurt again. God..I really wanted to see him tonite... I was so excited.
Pendawn Posted February 20, 2005 Posted February 20, 2005 Originally posted by sinkerswim Hi Pendawn.,, Well, NO Word from him and my heart feels broken. I tried calling him last night and left a message and I called him just a bit ago and he didnt answer. I am very dissapointed in him. I really like this guy... So..I am sitting ALONE tonite and had a little cry before... Our Valentines Day was soooo nice and amazing together... and I dont know what happened. So...I am right there with you.... I know how you feel. at least you have a few days left yet.... he may come around! I hope he does. I think we really like these new guys so much and dont want to get hurt again. God..I really wanted to see him tonite... I was so excited. Ugh I'm so sorry to hear that. I wonder if our paranoia is woman's instinct kicking in? I wish i understood why guys did that (if they have) acting like they are so into you then suddenly, nothing. Having him say "This isn't working out the way I'd hope, don't think it will work with us, sorry" would be so much easier to deal with. I understand your excitement, every night when I know he's likely to be online I get so excited and then aroudn this time when I know he's not going to be on I just die. I feel an utter fool for getting caught up so quickly, falling for his seductive words. I mean when my ex of 11 years left me I had good reason to cry and everyone was there to support me, I think people will think I'm a nutter for crying over this. Well I'm going to send him a little happy email tomorrow, jokingly asking if he's avoiding me and see if he replies to that. Best of luck with your guy, hope he has a good reason and gets in contact with you.
Author sinkerswim Posted February 20, 2005 Author Posted February 20, 2005 Wow....its amazing how you sound just like me.... Ive been through absolute hell also, after my ex fiance left me, and now I am gettng worried sick about this guy Ive been with a month. But only seen 3 times. I hope I get a straight answer from him....I dont even know if I should write or call him. I was hoping I would see him online and I didnt. I feel like a fool as well. Why cant they just be honest with us??? UGHHHHHHH On Tuesday night I was on cloud 9....tonite I am feeling like crap. Please Let me know what happens with your situation!
Pendawn Posted February 20, 2005 Posted February 20, 2005 Originally posted by sinkerswim Wow....its amazing how you sound just like me.... Ive been through absolute hell also, after my ex fiance left me, and now I am gettng worried sick about this guy Ive been with a month. But only seen 3 times. I hope I get a straight answer from him....I dont even know if I should write or call him. I was hoping I would see him online and I didnt. I feel like a fool as well. Why cant they just be honest with us??? UGHHHHHHH On Tuesday night I was on cloud 9....tonite I am feeling like crap. Please Let me know what happens with your situation! Hey Renee, hope your Sunday is going better. Well it seems my email did the trick, I got a text message on my phone from my guy, saying he was fine and hoped I was doing okay. I said I was looking forward to our date and he said yes it's going to be great. So looks like my date is still on. I guess he's just one of those plays it cool once he's got thw girl kind. I won't relax till I'm actual on the date but I do feel better. Thanks for holding my hand.
Author sinkerswim Posted February 20, 2005 Author Posted February 20, 2005 awwww Im glad he wrote back!! Go and have a great time... Im wondering what to do myself...dont know if I should try writing an email in a few days or not. I didnt think he would do this to me...I thought he was above that. Like Im not sure if it would be like I am being clingy to him If I DO write..because I wrote him an email on Thursday and no reponse...wrote an instant message and also called him and got no response. So...I think I should leave it go for now... But I would like to know what happened.
Pendawn Posted February 21, 2005 Posted February 21, 2005 Hey Renee! I hope you don't mind me sharing my good news with you, I've kept this whole thing a secret from everyone in my life because I felt so foolish getting so upset about this. Anyway though I got a text from my guy yesterday we still hadn't arranged the date and when he didn't come online last night again, or reply to a text I sent today. I ended up in a total state, feeling very emotional, so I decided to call him! I was relieved when he answered and chatted. I then totally humilated myself by bursting into tears speaking to him. Thankfully he was very sweet, told me not to worry, he's just the kind of guy that gets introspective sometimes and locks himself away and doesn't chat for a few days, it goes in ebbs and flows. He gave me lots of compliments about things he was looking forward to on the date, and that he would speak to me soon and DEFINETLY see me on Wednesday. And said "You were abit worried about this weren't you? There's no need to be." I feel so relaxed and glad I phoned though really foolish I cried and he knows I'm psychotic now. I think the lesson is, we women read far more into small things than men do. They just don't think, full stop. Hope you're doing okay!
Author sinkerswim Posted February 21, 2005 Author Posted February 21, 2005 awww PenDawn... that is GREAT to hear!! I am happy things are working out....at least now you know if you dont hear from him how he is!! You will have a great time on Wednesday!! I still havent heard from my guy....dont know..its very strange...hes hasnt even been online. I wonder if he will contact me, or not. Or if he will come up with a reason why we didnt go out. I mean anything could be wrong. What do you think I should do? If I dont hear from him in a few more days...should I write an email? Or just leave it alone?
Barby Posted February 21, 2005 Posted February 21, 2005 He doesn't sound very considerate. You've been with him over a month and only seen him 3 times? Does he work 3 jobs or something?!?! Either way I think it's really sh*tty that he didn't bother to call and cancel plans, but I think I read that you had contacted him before the date and hadn't heard back from him. I don't mean to be so blunt (and I DON'T know the whole situation) but it sounds to me that he comes over to see you when he wants a booty call...maybe he has a girlfriend or something and that's why he hasn't been around? Clearly only he can tell you his "excuse" but hopefully he won't fabricate some lame story and get you to believe him. I'm sorry you were hurt before and I understand you have feelings for him but honestly he sounds like a jerk and you'd probably be better off leaving it alone...I wouldn't contact him anymore or email or IM him...he knows how to get into contact with you and if he wanted to....I'm sure he could AT LEAST pick up the phone for a minute or two!
Author sinkerswim Posted February 21, 2005 Author Posted February 21, 2005 Hi Barby, thanks for the reply..... I know I shouldnt contact him, because you are right....he could pick up the phone or even write a quick email that would take a minute or two. Hes done it before..(wrote me quick)..so...I know he could squeeze some time in there. Gosh...I feel like a fool though. I like him...I am hoping hes not a player.
Pendawn Posted February 21, 2005 Posted February 21, 2005 Originally posted by sinkerswim Hi Barby, thanks for the reply..... I know I shouldnt contact him, because you are right....he could pick up the phone or even write a quick email that would take a minute or two. Hes done it before..(wrote me quick)..so...I know he could squeeze some time in there. Gosh...I feel like a fool though. I like him...I am hoping hes not a player. Thanks for your support Renee. I'm not used to the idea of casual dating, here I am expecting him to want me so much he'll call/see me every free minute he has. After 2 dates and 1 week, LOL. I've learnt my lesson. I'm so sorry your situation hasn't had a happier outcome. If I had been in your position, if I hadn't talked to him, what i would do is send him an email basically saying you know he's busy etc, but you deserve to be treated better than this. That you thought more of him, that he would treat you well, and you thought he was a great guy and that he liked you. I'd say that you are really crazy about him but if he cna't treat you with respect and deceny that you're sure you'll find another guy who will treat you that way. And goodbye mate! That's the email i had planned in my head if it had come to Wednesday with no news. Good luck, i know I was telling myself to get over it because there are other guys out there but it's really hard when you've had your heart broken and you're crazy about a new guy. I tihnk ocne you have an "end" you'll feel much better. good luck and big hugs to you.
Author sinkerswim Posted February 21, 2005 Author Posted February 21, 2005 thanks Pendawn....((HUGS)) back... youre right...I dont want to be hurt again and I know you dont either... Its kind of hard when you expect to hear from them all the time and then you dont. I really hope things work out A-OK with you... you seem like such a great girl and caring person. I may write an email in maybe a few more days saying I am dissapointed in him for what he did. I truly did think more of him. I am quite surprised. again, thank you for being there for me through this.
WranglerGal1979 Posted February 22, 2005 Posted February 22, 2005 We can all be paranoid when we finally meet a great person. I can be like that especially now that I found a great man that treats me like a lady should be treated...he is the only man that has ever been so good to me and etc.
Just Visiting Posted February 22, 2005 Posted February 22, 2005 I can understand the feelings of paranoia when meeting someone that you really like. Especially after coming from a horrible break-up. My last two exes did a real number on me. So when my current bf came along, I would be anxious to see or hear from him. Wondering if he is sincerely interested, or looking for something casual, etc. Luckily, I had friends, work, and school to keep me busy. Because I have been disappointed and betrayed numerous times, I find myself more alert on the possibility of this happening again. So far, my bf has shown to be a loving, trustworthy, mature person. I count my lucky stars. It is/was a new situation with this fellow. Chalk it up to experience and keep your eye out for someone who has the time to be with you.
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