prpqmnj Posted June 29, 2014 Posted June 29, 2014 I was single for 4 years, and just recently started dating a girl, who I had liked for over 2 years, we hung out and we both acknowledged that there was an attraction. She dated someone before me for a 1.5 years, and he eventually wanted to be by himself. They had broken up one before, got back together, then finally called it quits. So a month or so after they broke up, we started hanging out after I told her I liked her for so long. We eventually hung out, kissed, and jumped into bed. All of it was amazing, and surreal. The first few weeks were great, she wanted to be exclusive, we did a bunch of fun things together. I told her things about my life, that I wouldn't tell other people. I felt that I could tell her anything, but I became oversharing with my thoughts. It began to overwhelm her, I started taking work life worries and snowballing personal life together. Now I should say that she found herself to be "overly critical and wanted to work on that." Needless to say, I had moments where I was afraid and panicked, that she said we need to take a step back. So we did. I tried to explain myself and how I felt, but it wasn't received well. So I decided to just not communicate with her. Until she wrote me the other day saying "We should talk about us." She told me she had a perception from friends, and felt that she was always acting like a "bitch" around me, and saying that when she wasn't around me, she never acts that way. Even her friends would notice how jokingly mean she'd be around me, that she would tell me that she didn't like that her friends thought of her like that. So having this unsettling feeling in my stomach, she told me that she hadn't been single in a while, after a 2 year relationship, that she needed to do the things that she did, and that this just didn't feel right. When I asked if she cared about me, she hesitated to answer, but rather, just pushed it aside. I asked if we'd ever get back together, and she reaffirmed me with a no, and that nothing was going to change her mind or make her feel any different. It all happened fast, we were together for two months. Though we never really talked about long term plans, we did meet each other's parents. I was willing to make things work
travelbug1996 Posted June 29, 2014 Posted June 29, 2014 that sucks but you have to let go. Please dont contact her. work on yourself and spend time with people who love you
Atem Posted June 29, 2014 Posted June 29, 2014 Hm - that sounds like a very similar story to the one I jsut shared. The only difference is that, in my case, I started backing out as well and actually ended it today. Sorry bud but you gotta move on. Now - in my case - I didn't dig the girl as much as you apparently did, so I'm sorry about that but hey - it was onyl 2 months, right? It'll hurt for a few days but then you'll be like new (worked for me - 3 days after last contact, I was over her). Travelbug - What do you mean that he should "work on himself"? Do you think he did anything wrong? I mean, if the girl pushes for being exclusive and seems into him, then isn't it ok to open up a bit more in month 2-3? After all, why be in a relationship when you can't be open? That would kill any long-term potential for me on the spot.
Author prpqmnj Posted June 29, 2014 Author Posted June 29, 2014 I don't think I did personally anything wrong, I mean I had flaws and imperfections, and promised to work on them and even then she still got mad about them. She kept saying 'go with the flow' and I wanted to, I so wanted to work this all out and return back to where we were in the beginning and I believed that we could have, but she didn't think it was possible. I wrote her a message letting her know that I hope she finds solace and what she's looking for, that I still think she's a wonderful, beautiful person. That she's always going to mean something to me. This is most likely going to make me never get back into a relationship ever again. This really, really sucks. Words can't even describe how much I feel, and she said she wasn't trying to hurt my feelings but they are.
bubbaganoosh Posted June 30, 2014 Posted June 30, 2014 Friend, she was up front with you and laid it on the table. Now I understand that it upset you because no one likes to be on the receiving end of a break up but it sure beats finding out through the grapevine or seeing her out and about with another guy. My advice is to let it go without a lot of fan fare and find another girl. That doesn't mean you have to be ugly around her or nasty. She told you the truth and that has to stand for something.
Author prpqmnj Posted June 30, 2014 Author Posted June 30, 2014 Friend, she was up front with you and laid it on the table. Now I understand that it upset you because no one likes to be on the receiving end of a break up but it sure beats finding out through the grapevine or seeing her out and about with another guy. My advice is to let it go without a lot of fan fare and find another girl. That doesn't mean you have to be ugly around her or nasty. She told you the truth and that has to stand for something. It seems internally she has something to figure out on her own, and it stinks like hell to know that I won't be seeing her as much as I used to. She made me really happy. I was always curious if she was so badly burned from her relationship before me that it might have played a key role in this current one. I was always the one who was understanding, and listened to her, and she would get mad at me because all I would say is "I understand" or "Okay" -- because I didn't feel like saying something that might ignite a huger argument. She went from one day of not saying anything to me, to one night of her giving her a ride home while kinda drunk to loving me, then back to talking about breaking it off the next day, as if nothing happened. The truth is, I don't want another girl. I never will. She was it. She's 24, and I'm turning 30 in roughly a month. I kind of thought this was it, I had been with other girls, and never encountered anyone like her. But, ultimately, if it's her decision and can't be persuaded, I have no other choice but to accept that and hope that one day she realizes how good she had it, before it's too late.
bubbaganoosh Posted June 30, 2014 Posted June 30, 2014 Come on man. You might be turning 30 but it's not the end of the world. Knowing that she's not reachable makes her only more desirable to you. There's someone out there who is waiting for the right guy to come along and by not letting go of what you can't have, you'll never find the right one.
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