John316C Posted June 29, 2014 Posted June 29, 2014 If you could charm the pants off of any women and you liked a woman, but there were other woman who were more compatible with you, but you like this one... What if she had some personality flaw you didn't like? What if you could befriend anyone, would it matter if they had different values if you got the happiness you wanted from them? If you were fluid, open, and could handle anyone. Does it really matter if you have different values?
Joaquin Posted June 29, 2014 Posted June 29, 2014 Mum thinks it's ok to leave school at 16. Dad comes from a place where education is valued. Dad thinks sitting on benefits for 20 years and sponging off everyone and everything is fine. Mum thinks people should work hard. Mum thinks it's ok for her young daughter to stay out till all hours. Dad doesn't. Dad thinks it's fine to sit in the pub all night 5 times a week. Mum thinks it's not. Yes. Of course values matter a lot. 2
Gaeta Posted June 29, 2014 Posted June 29, 2014 Yes it matters to have similar values and be compatible. Let me give you an example. My best friend just broke up with her bf of 8 months. He swept her off of her feet with his attention and romanticism. I am sure he loved her BUT: 1. Incompatible on family values. He felt visiting family was a waste of time. 2. Incompatible on how to handle the kids involved. He often called his own children names like idiot and retarded. 3. Incompatible on finances. He wanted HER to buy a house so they could live together in it. 4. Life Style incompatible: He was a gym freak and watched everything she put in her mouth cause he was afraid she would gain weight. 5. Communication incompatible: He pouted, and regularly gave her the silent treatment. Still think compatibility is not important? Other than those 5 points he was devoted, but those 5 incompatibilities made her life miserable. 1
MissBee Posted June 29, 2014 Posted June 29, 2014 (edited) I haven't met anyone that fluid or open.... I am fluid and open when it comes on to being courteous to people and being acquaintances even but with a SO there needs to be compatibility...shoot even with close friends, my very close friends and I tend to have similar values. We may have different opinions about certain things and different likes and dislikes but in terms of values, I think my closest friends and I share most of them. For a fling it doesn't matter. But if you're talking about a real relationship, esp one that is long term and where you're gonna have to deal with finances, potentially kids, chores, health, and other things charm will get old and if you have divergent values about important things it will eventually wear on you. Other posters have given very good concrete examples of how this can affect a relationship in real terms. Unless by fluid you mean you're someone who blows whichever way the wind is going and don't have your own values so you can just adapt to other people because you essentially become who they want you to be or are a doormat, so everything is fine with you. I know people like this where compatibility doesn't matter because they will do anything the other person wants and have no opinions of their own. For the average person or the very well developed person who actually has their own goals, likes, dislikes, values, political beliefs, education, religious beliefs, family values etc they usually require someone whom they share most of these things with and usually find that while charm and romance are important, after some years it wears thin and the person becomes very aggravating if not insufferable if you were never compatible. I think the more self-aware you are the more difficult it is for you to ignore compatibility and the more important it is to you, whereas the less self-aware and less emotionally mature you are you are more likely to prioritize trivial things like looks or romance but even people who do so usually pay the cost later because it still affects them when the honeymoon is over and they start having problems or most commonly, didn't realize how very differently they and their partner value particular things, example a common issue is people being together for years but they didn't realize their partner doesn't believe in marriage while they do, now they're dissatisfied...but chances are if they were paying attention to compatibility esp where it counts, not just we like the same ice-cream or same movies, but ACTUAL VALUES, they'd have known pretty early on that things might not work long term. Edited June 29, 2014 by MissBee
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