Coping with a relationship that's now turned long distance, but with complications.

[allyk12]

Hi folks,

 

Let me start by introducing myself, my name is Alistair and i'm from Glasgow, Scotland. I registered about a year ago here asking for help on a previous relationship (long distance and hostile one at that) and, litterly after 1 month of posting and against all the odds I met the most amazing girl in my own city.

 

September is when I met her however she's Chinese and she was only ever going to be here for 10 months. It never bothered me as I was just head-over-heels in love with her. After 3 months however she told me she was going through divorce back home and that she had a son. This bothered me to start with but I could see the love in her eyes and it still is there. I could accept she is going through divorce and I could accept the son. It was never an issue.

 

The issue I have now is that she goes home very soon but I cannot see her as her 'husband' had to come to the UK for 3 weeks due to work requirements and her son came with him. She wishes to keep her son and she said that she had to spend time ensuring that both of them were OK here (due to their poor English) however it was never going to be anything more than a mutual meet, simply for their son.

 

It's now been 9 days and although I was lucky enough to get a few hours with her at the end of the week, I am feeling hurt about the whole thing. As mentioned I do not believe she is still romantically involved with him or that she would go back but I am sad that she spends time with them, and that she goes home so soon and could not make the effort to just be with me.

 

My family love her. So far I have met her father very briefly and her mother and son will meet me in August when I visit China. I am 100% certain that her parents are encouraging the relationship too, but I still feel very uneasy and it's eating me away inside.

 

My worry is that she has asked me to wait for a year (or basically until next May) so that we can then be together but in the UK it takes 6 months, if you are lucky, to be together and if she means waiting until then to do this, that'd be almost 18 months. I just don't know if I can wait that long in another long-distance. Russia was hard enough but China? I just don't know.

 

In a nutshell, she loves me and I love her but I'm feeling sad and dejected because she has to spend time with her 'husband' and son. Flights booked to China and all and no-contact will not work, more so it would hurt a helluva lot of people on both sides as well as hinder financially.

 

I don't know what to do think, say or do....and given the very good advice here last August I'm hoping some people can take time to read this and give me their opinions, thoughts and suggestions.

 

Thanks a lot

 

-Alistair