Tennisguy Posted June 29, 2014 Posted June 29, 2014 (edited) So, there's a girl that I've been talking to and we would meet up to study, since last Fall since we were in the same class. We even met up the next semester even not being in the same class and “studied” but it ended up usually us talking. We would talk a lot about things and always enjoy each other's company. I never tried to ask her out on a date because she had a boyfriend at the time, which I knew would not have been appropriate at the time. Anyways, we always communicate by text messaging, since she had a boyfriend and I did not want to call her because of that. Fast forward to around May and she broke up with her boyfriend and texted me that she "caught me on Tinder!" because I have an account that I use sometimes. I did not know that she had broken up with her boyfriend before she texted me. We talked for a long time over texting and that is when she told me she had broken up with her boyfriend and was wondering when I will be back in town. She is taking the second half of O chem back at the University over the Summer, and I texted her a little over a week later after this because I left the state for around a week. I asked, if she would be available to hang out that week and she immediately said "that it was weird because she was thinking about me just at that second and was wondering what had happened to me?" She also said she would be available that Tuesday, when I texted her on Sunday and wanted to know how long I was staying. So, we met up that Tuesday for coffee and talked for a over five hours and had a good time talking to each other. The next day we also met up to hang out and talk as well for around two hours. However, the next time I tried to ask her if she was available she said "that it depended on what day I was coming" then, I suggested a day and she texted a few days later saying "she didn't think she could and that she's busy and needs to focus on her studies!” I live about an hour away from the University and have just graduated but still have a project that I'm working on around two-three days a week when I come into town. The next week that I texted her to hang out on Thursday or Friday she said that “she's super busy because she has around a 100 O chem problems to do and she needs to get them done because her friend is coming over that weekend.” I asked her if she may have some time to spare on Thursday or Friday, if I decided to stop by her dorm to talk for a bit in the lobby or something. She then said “she probably won't have time” with a longer explanation due to the problems and such which I understood. Then I said “I understand and what does your schedule look like for next week?” I also asked about her classes and such because we both have very similar majors. She then said “I don't know yet, but I've noticed that you've been trying really hard to hang out with me... Why?” I then said “Well, I really like your company, enjoy talking to you, and would like to get to know you better... ” She then asked “Why do you want to get to know me better?” and I said “I thought you already knew?... :/” This was late at night past 1 am and she then sent “No tell me” that instant. I then sent “Well, I think you're extremely funny, smart, and interesting... I also believe we share a lot in common. So, I believe there may be something more between us...” She then said “That's really sweet of you but I'm not ready for a relationship and see you as a friend.” I then said “Alright well, I'll talk to you in the future...” Now, I haven't talked to her in more than two weeks and haven't heard from her. Btw, I hate texting and would rather talk to her over the phone or in person, but she seems to be more comfortable texting than talking on the phone. I prefer to ask a girl out or to hang out by a phone call or in person because I think texting is impersonal. She was flirtatious through texting and in person, as well as me, when we have talked in the past, so I'm wondering if she already knew that I like her and she just wanted me to say it? I don't mind hanging out with her as friends, but I'm wondering how to proceed now and what should I do? What do you believe she is thinking? When should I talk to her again and how/when should I ask her to hang out? I feel like just asking her out to coffee or something and acting like nothing happened. She did just get done with a relationship that lasted at least a year or more, so I believe she is telling the truth about that. I in fact really don't want a relationship at the moment either, but want to hang out and see if something develops... I am always patient and extremely persistent! I know wherever I'll be soon that I will only be about an hour away or so from her, so distance isn't that big of a deal. Any advice on this matter will be greatly appreciated and thank you all for your help! ... Edited June 29, 2014 by Tennisguy
WhatYouWantToHear Posted June 29, 2014 Posted June 29, 2014 She doesn't want to date you, she wants to have sex with you. Sounds like you missed your chance and want something more than what she wants.
DArtagnan2 Posted June 29, 2014 Posted June 29, 2014 it could be a number of things going on with her. It could be she knows you two will talk for hours if you do meet up and she has to get her chem done. It could be she isn't in to you or that she met someone else she is more in to. She may have been looking for you to say you liked her, she may not have been. but one thing is clear, she was honest with you at least that she isn't looking for a relationship, at least with you, right now.
giblesp Posted June 29, 2014 Posted June 29, 2014 When a girl turns you down, move on. Don't be 'just friends' with a girl when you want something more than her. That'll make you less attractive as a man, and there are many girls to meet. She might be looking for a casual hook up as she's come out of a relationship, and you came up on her radar. I'd guess by your post that that's not your thing. Forget 'just friends,' and ignore her for a while. Be polite and cool about it, but explain that a friendship isn't yet possible, maybe sometime in the future. Both she and you will respect you more for it.
ktya Posted June 29, 2014 Posted June 29, 2014 Take this as advice not as an insult. You could have had her. But you are mealy mouthed and say too much, it came across as washy to her. You were attractive to her and could have banged her when you were having your study sessions. She thought you were cute, hence she was burning the midnight oil with you despite having a boyfriend. She probably felt like you were leading her on. Rediculous seeing as she had a boyfriend but young girls can be retarded like that sometimes. Your approach was wimpy. "i enjoy your company and feel that we have a lot in common with eachother" screams i want to marry the girl of my dreams, which probably put her off. It wasnt the sharp badass response she is looking for right now. "because i think your hot, smart and funny i want to see you" would have probably piqued her interest. Dont listen to the womens studies types on campus. Women do not want to be asked permission to proceed every step of the way and at every escalation of the relationship. What they really want is a guy who makes them feel hot and mischevious who makes them laugh and who takes what he wants. You will certainly receive rejection using this approach but thats the thing, they want you to make the ask with confidence and take the risk. They want a commander, not a recruit. I would suggest keep on that tinder, start dating other girls and move on. This girl likes how you stroke her ego but has friendzoned you. Given your ages you still have a chance to bang her, she will be texting you again but focus on other girls for now. Work on tightening your game. Short direct asks not mealy mouthed read between the lines asks. The more you say the deeper of a grave you dig for yourself. Leave more mystique. It can be hard with PC culture being rammed down your throat on campus. Before each ask just tell yourself, "all girls want to get laid, like good looking guys like me and if she says no thats almost better than a yes because a girl can say yes and waste my time for weeks at least the no is conclusive" then be brutually direct and short sweer and to the point. "give me your number" and "your cute. Whats your name" are staples. Just so you know i practice what i preach just yesterday i was buying smokes at the gas station. Some little Indian girl maybe 20 was working the counter, cute. She had a smirk on her face that was cute so i just said straight out to her "your cute whats your name" despite that she was wearing a nametag. She and i exchanged pleasantries and she asked where i live bla bla. Im focused on another girl right now so i didnt ask for the number but i would have gotten it no problem if i made the ask. Be direct, be forward. Dont ask, just take it. Better luck next time. 1
Author Tennisguy Posted June 30, 2014 Author Posted June 30, 2014 it could be a number of things going on with her. It could be she knows you two will talk for hours if you do meet up and she has to get her chem done. It could be she isn't in to you or that she met someone else she is more in to. She may have been looking for you to say you liked her, she may not have been. but one thing is clear, she was honest with you at least that she isn't looking for a relationship, at least with you, right now. What you said definitely makes sense... Now, I'm just trying to figure out how to proceed with this situation in the future?
WhatYouWantToHear Posted June 30, 2014 Posted June 30, 2014 how to proceed with this situation in the future Opportunity knocked and left. This situation has no future, you missed it. 1
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