Breakup shock & no recovery 8 mo later

[smackie9]

I think what the other poster meant was you will have a dependency with these drugs, and if you take to many it will eventually have a lesser affect, then you will feel you need to take more and so on. It becomes a visous cycle that will be difficult to break.

[lesdeuxsoleils]

I don't think so because I've had this for 11 years to cope with bipolar, I can tell pretty well if I get addicted to a drug, I never have and have always used them as needed. The doctor asked me to take the drug. If I don't take the right medications for the conditions, they can become much worse. It might be different for normal people.

[bluelady]

Oh no! Anxiety/panic attacks can be very traumatic. I too am a very sensitive person and have experienced many panic attacks. My advice is to inform someone else when you are having one if possible. If you are living with your mom - is she a generally calm person? You should have at least one person you can talk to.

 

Maybe you can explain your situation may arise again. For me, generally when panic attacks happen they happen often for a short period of time and then go away (though for some people they never happen again). They can be literally crippling to the point where you can't move for me. The best thing you can do is get a glass (or two) of water, and lay down for a few minutes to gather your thoughts and then let it out to the other person. They don't need to do anything, they don't need to cure you, just listen and tell you it will be okay. That's it.

 

Most importantly - identify your triggers and plan out ways to deal with them! Preferably with a professional. If you can find someone who deals with (or specializes) in PTSD-type situations that might help a lot. Even if you don't have PTSD they have really great training on dealing with panic attacks, anxiety, etc and are generally the most sensitive of psychiatrists or counselors I have dealt with.

 

Also as far as the drug/medical side goes - this is a sensitive topic for me but I will say for short periods of time I have taken relaxants in emergency situations. They're not good to take in the long term, but yes there are situations where they can be useful to resolve short term problems. Everyone is different so do what works for you.

 

I highly suggest seeing a professional to resolve whatever issues you may be having. While they're not dangerous physically, panic attacks can have long term effects and cause anxiety in fear of having another one, etc.

 

Hope you feel better soon!

Edited July 2, 2014 by bluelady

[bluelady]

Also, from what I've gathered from your posts it seems like you are going through a major grieving period. You haven't fully grieved your loss which is very understandable. If you're sad after a loss (which it seems like you were), you would expect after to be "over it" since you have already grieved. Sometimes he extremity of the feelings are so intense you cannot process it all at once and later it rushes back. This has happened to me a few times - all of them after I felt "stabilized" or made progress and was able to process the grief.

 

Just some things to remember:

 

1 Do not tie your self worth or success with your romantic relationships. Sometimes, they are out of your control. Sometimes it's literally just being unlucky that things don't work out. It is not a reflection of you.

 

2 You are not at a dead end. People have loved you before and people will love you after.

 

3. It seems as if you were dating someone who wasn't as invested in you as he portrayed himself as. When you dug deeper, he made kind of BS excuses in my opinion. To be frank, his opinion matters little on whose "fault" it was. Relationships require investment on both parts and he didn't do his. If he had you could have communicated and worked through them. You deserve someone committed to you.

 

4. It does, however, sound unhealthy that 8 months after a break up you still are hung up. Obviously, it's not just this one break up or even grouping all your recent break ups together either. It's something deeper than that because you seem to be tying it into your worth.

 

5. Everyone questions their worth sometimes - but you listed many positive qualities about yourself. Unfortunately finding the right person is not about being the most qualified candidate, but sometimes it's just chance that you meet. The fact that you had a bad break up does not make you unlovable or unable to achieve love in the future. Nor does it necessarily make you unsuccessful. It seems like you've had lots of success in some areas of love and you've learned a lot.

 

My most recent ex is similar to yours. He blamed the whole thing on me and tried to point out lots of things he didn't like about me, etc. I realized now that this was not a reflection of me but of him! Why had he dated someone he felt incompatible with for so long?

 

My new boyfriend sees my flaws and doesn't freak out and blame things. One thing, for example, is that I described to him I would be afraid of sharing assets because he is much more careful and saves more/invests with better effort than I do. He didn't break up with me; instead he pointed out that when we got to that point that we could set boundaries and he would help me manage if I ever needed it. Also, he explained that I was probably less careful because it was my own money but that he was sure I would be careful with someone else's money given the way I treat my parents. It was for the first time I realized: that's how partnerships work!

 

Your partner should believe in you, work with you, and love you even if you don't believe in or love yourself at that moment. If someone gives up on you so easily like he did they're honestly not worth your time. No one is perfect, and it seems you supported him through lots of times out of love and care.

 

Lastly, there's nothing that say it takes "half" the time to get over it. There's no rule that works for everyone. It depends on how invested you are. Also, since you state you were friends before your investment is probably deeper than just dating for a year. Don't give up! Work at it. It's a process. It won't be forever, but you do have to put in the work.

 

Those are just my observations and opinions. Take them with a grain of salt!

 

Wish you the best.

[lesdeuxsoleils]

I am in touch with my psychiatrist. She told me what to do. I had one more this morning and it's afternoon, kind of lingering on now.

 

Regarding the breakup after listening to you guys I think it can simply be put as I loved him more that he loved me and in the end he became a stranger. There was a question of why I'm still hung up after 8 mo is because we lived together and therefore the roots are deeper. I was like his wife, he even said. He made a lot of promises, there are a lot of broken dreams. Why the emotions now because I blocked them before to achieve everything I needed done. With some spare time now my emotions are in overdrive, hence the panic attacks. I took control initially to do what I had to do.

 

I'm looking for a therapist, let's see. I had another job interview last night, had to reschedule it. I need to get a grasp on this, any ideas from those who've had them before?

[lesdeuxsoleils]

You are right about the self-worth & success, never will I tie it to a relationship ever again.

[smackie9]

You need to remind yourself, having failed relationships is normal. It's a process we all have to go through to find our life partner. It teaches us how to handle situations, to learn things about ourselves, and to know what we want (expectations). We live, learn and grow from each experience. Embrace the knowledge you have gained, and invest it into your future.

 

So having failed isn't a bad thing, you need to find the positive in every bad experience.

Edited July 2, 2014 by smackie9

[lesdeuxsoleils]

Thank you, I'm accepting it's part of life. I'm also trying to change my perfectionist mentality. Everything is not perfect. I appreciate all the support I've received here.