Author SoPeachy Posted June 29, 2014 Author Posted June 29, 2014 All kinds of things but it's not relevant to your situation. I would call calling you stupid and some of the digs he has made to you 'picking on' but maybe you don't see them like that. I'd also be worried just in general about his temper. You posted as you thought perhaps something was wrong and many of the replies are saying yes, there is. It's unlikely he is going to change. He will probably continue to switch between nice and nasty but as I said and others have said too these things can escalate. I have another question, why doesn't he do this to his friends? Like picking on etc. why only to me? I am 100% sure that he won't be talking to his friends the way he talked to me. I even told him 'you don't talk to your friends like that then why talk to me like that' he said ' 'it s because I'm his gf and he cares for me' ...that doesn't make any senses! I don't think his friends know this side of him. I tried talking to one of his friends who I was closest to and she seems to be clueless about his anger so I did not discuss any further.
GemmaUK Posted June 29, 2014 Posted June 29, 2014 Probably a power & insecurity thing or he is just a bully. Belittling people isn't something you can get away with for long. So far with you he is getting away with it as all is OK once he says sorry. No, he will appear as Mr Great Guy to his friends. I think I mentioned in another post that friends are more than likely not to have a clue - the person at the end of it then has no one to talk to who will believe these strange things keep happening.
Gaeta Posted June 29, 2014 Posted June 29, 2014 I have another question, why doesn't he do this to his friends? Like picking on etc. why only to me? I am 100% sure that he won't be talking to his friends the way he talked to me. I even told him 'you don't talk to your friends like that then why talk to me like that' he said ' 'it s because I'm his gf and he cares for me' ...that doesn't make any senses! I don't think his friends know this side of him. I tried talking to one of his friends who I was closest to and she seems to be clueless about his anger so I did not discuss any further. It's the way it is. Abusers are good at keeping up appearances in front of others. They are good friends, good siblings, good co-workers. When you confront them on how they treat you they will often say it's our fault for making them mad or annoyed. Their anger is aimed at women so of course they won't act like this with buddies. I was married to my ex for 15 years. He died last year. I opened up to my mother and I told her how he was with me in private, she could not believe it. In front of my family he would always treat me like gold.
Author SoPeachy Posted July 1, 2014 Author Posted July 1, 2014 It's the way it is. Abusers are good at keeping up appearances in front of others. They are good friends, good siblings, good co-workers. When you confront them on how they treat you they will often say it's our fault for making them mad or annoyed. Their anger is aimed at women so of course they won't act like this with buddies. I was married to my ex for 15 years. He died last year. I opened up to my mother and I told her how he was with me in private, she could not believe it. In front of my family he would always treat me like gold. Gaeta I am sorry to hear that you have been through this yourself. I believe you and other people who posted here that what I posted here are not normal behaviours and have been I considering ending the relationship but there are times when I still think maybe he did / said that because he was in a foul mood, maybe he has just paid his monthly bills or other stress that he is having. Some people do snap when and get annoyed, I snap at my sister once in a while. Most of time when I'm unhappy with things he does (small stuff) he would apologise. The car key incident he apologised straight away when I got upset about him saying am I stupid. But the shopping bag he never did. He didn't wanna talk about it and ignored me completely for hours after and he knew I was upset. I agree that he has bad temper and is controlling. I felt that he is trying to control the flatmates sometimes. I guess this is enough red flags but I'm just trying to prepare myself mentally to break it off with him. When roughly does the abuse normally start in the relationship?
carrie_o Posted July 1, 2014 Posted July 1, 2014 Could this just be an anger management issue? I'll be the first to admit that I'm not an expert at looking for signs of abuse like the other posters so take my suggestion with a grain of salt. Would he benefit from anger management classes?
MissBee Posted July 1, 2014 Posted July 1, 2014 No, this is not normal, you should end this relationship now. What you are experiencing is the normal cycle of abuse. After they swept you off of your feet they start slowly controlling and putting you down. At first you think it's an isolate incident so you let it slide, then comes a second incident, and a third. You are of balance, you cannot believe your bf acts this way. By standing by him through these incidents you send the message it's ok to treat you this way so the cycle goes on and escalate slowly toward full blown abuse. I know I have been there. I totally agree. And the qualities you listed: he helps with cooking, is the life of the party, listens...for me, while those qualities are nice to have, they don't really cover up his bad qualities. EVERYONE has nice qualities...it's about if the nice qualities outweigh the bad ones in terms of the QUALITY. For me, a man who threatens other women, goes into a rage when he is mad, is impatient and calls me stupid because I'm having trouble opening a door etc, those negative behaviors far outshine the fact that he is the life of the party or helps me cook. It will only get worse. Heed the signs you're seeing. You don't have to break up instantly but observe him and see if he expresses more of these negative traits and if he does, run the other way!
Author SoPeachy Posted July 2, 2014 Author Posted July 2, 2014 Could this just be an anger management issue? I'll be the first to admit that I'm not an expert at looking for signs of abuse like the other posters so take my suggestion with a grain of salt. Would he benefit from anger management classes? Yes anger management issue too but i think he is far beyond that
Recommended Posts