blasta90 Posted June 29, 2014 Posted June 29, 2014 Hi everyone, I need some answers here because I'm somewhat confused and don't know what to think. I'm 24 and only been in 1 relationship. Any feedback will greatly be appreciated. I'm in a struggle now with my gf. We've known eachother for 11 years. I dated her for a year when I was 16. After our initial breakup we parted ways but never got over eachother. She says I'm her first true love. We got back together last December and have been in an LDR this whole time (about 3hrs apart). For the most part we've been happy and loving eachother. There's also a lot of arguing for dumb things. Usually back n forth everyweek. Our first major issue was me not able to keep it hard during sex. She believes it's her fault but I say its my fault because im not healthy. I really love this girl and am totally attracted to her. This has been our biggest issue. Other than that whenever we argue we usually resolve it quickly. For the last month we haven't been able to really do that. We mostly stay upset and then happy then upset, etc. Whenever i try to resolve things with her, her replies are "idk", "I have nothing to say" or "I dont want to talk about" and mostly silent treatment. I can feel she has less effort to want to work things out than before, even though she always tells me not to give up and stay strong and she says she'll never give up. The last thing that really upset her was when I took a hit of marijuana and told her. She knows I'm not a druggie and I really am not, but once in a blue moon I do get high. She really doesn't like that and she told me today "I can literally break up with you for that." Now she wants to take a break she said for a couple days. She said she just needs time to herself to cool off. The thing that worries me is i believe her ex is somewhat still in her life and only a phone call away. Her bday was in april and she got mad at me because I didn't call her at midnight. She then said "even my ex called me to wish me happy bday, wow". Also about a month ago I went through her phone which probably wasn't a good idea but I felt suspicious of her and found that she wanted to see him at a club with her friends but didn't want to hook up him. That was on the day we got in a huge arguement and she said she was done with me. But the next day we made up. She also told me that he's the only guy she made love with. When we talked about our sex history, she made it seem like he was super amazing but only because she did the work, and after they broke up she wanted to remain friends with benefits. We started going out 5 months after they broke up. I've been reading similar posts to mine and basically what im getting is that she is either wanting to start relationship with someone else, slow breakup, or she just needs space to get herself situated. Am I right or wrong? But am I being insecure here too? Please any and all feedback I will greatly appreciate. Thanks for taking the time to read this.
StrongLass Posted June 29, 2014 Posted June 29, 2014 Seeing how immature & flippant all of her responses to you have been (in addition to the glaringly obvious ex looming in the background) I can't really see why you're bothering. Whenever i try to resolve things with her, her replies are "idk", "I have nothing to say" or "I dont want to talk about" and mostly silent treatment. What is this, middle school? That's not how adults who genuinely want to solve a problem go about it. I can feel she has less effort to want to work things out than before, even though she always tells me not to give up and stay strong Actions speak louder than words for a reason. DON'T forget that. and she says she'll never give up. She's already given up once... The last thing that really upset her was when I took a hit of marijuana and told her. She knows I'm not a druggie and I really am not, but once in a blue moon I do get high. She really doesn't like that and she told me today "I can literally break up with you for that." And she didn't, so her point was...what? To remind you that she can break up with you for any reason at any time? So can YOU. Now she wants to take a break she said for a couple days. She said she just needs time to herself to cool off. The thing that worries me is i believe her ex is somewhat still in her life and only a phone call away. Her bday was in april and she got mad at me because I didn't call her at midnight. She then said "even my ex called me to wish me happy bday, wow". Also about a month ago I went through her phone which probably wasn't a good idea but I felt suspicious of her and found that she wanted to see him at a club with her friends but didn't want to hook up him. That was on the day we got in a huge arguement and she said she was done with me. But the next day we made up. She also told me that he's the only guy she made love with. When we talked about our sex history, she made it seem like he was super amazing but only because she did the work, and after they broke up she wanted to remain friends with benefits. We started going out 5 months after they broke up. See everything in bold above? That's everything that should be sending off little sirens in your head right now. I've been reading similar posts to mine and basically what im getting is that she is either wanting to start relationship with someone else, slow breakup, or she just needs space to get herself situated. OR she's cheating on you with her ex behind your back & expecting you to take it out of fear of "losing" her again. (I put losing in quotations 'cause if that IS what's going on you never "had" her to begin with)
Author blasta90 Posted June 29, 2014 Author Posted June 29, 2014 (edited) Thank you StrongLass. On a side note she never believed in taking breaks until now... Edited June 29, 2014 by blasta90
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