How can I avoid being a forever alone?

[clia]

Wow. I didn't realize how many things I did wrong. The whole cocky/funny thing is actually part of my personality. I'm known to be an extremely funny person, so I figured that I would use that to my advantage. Being funny is actually a talent of mine. Shouldn't I use it? She and I met up for dinner once but she brought friends along. Then I asked her for to meet up some other time and she declined. So, I just forgot about her.

 

It's great to be funny, and yes you should definitely use that when you can. Sense of humor is usually at the top of most women's wish lists.

 

The problem is that humor sometimes doesn't come across well via text message. You need the vocal inflection, the sparkle in your eye, etc. Know what I mean? Otherwise it falls flat. To me, your texts just fell flat. Maybe save it for in person or phone conversations?

[Itspointless]

The whole cocky/funny thing is actually part of my personality. I'm known to be an extremely funny person, so I figured that I would use that to my advantage. Being funny is actually a talent of mine.

Seriously? I have to admit that I do not always see what is funny about American humour, but I missed the humour in your messages entirely. Skip what you think is humour and be interested in her. Girls love telling you about themselves if you give them the chance. Ask her questions show that you are interested. And instead of the humour tease a bit.

[William]

As a program note to the thread starter, if posting verbatim conversations can be web-searched and linked to personally identifiable information, and you suffer consequences from that choice, be aware it is your choice and we're not going to unwind things after the fact and, additionally, Google robots cache your posts so the original content, even if edited, will still show up in their cache. I caution any member against posting information which can be linked to one's real life identity, presuming of course one desires anonymity here. No issues with the thread in general so please carry on!

[Scales]

yo cb man I know how you feel bro. When you hit early 20's losing your virginity is all you can think about it if you haven't already. You are going out and meeting girls/getting numbers thats good. All you have to do is work on your communication skills. You are making them laugh, but you aren't connecting with them.

 

The one thing you have to remember about girls in a college environment now is that your competition is EVERYWHERE thanks to phones/social media. 30 years ago your competition was guys in their classes or guys in their clubs, now girls are texting 1/2 the damn campus. It can be tough, and often times you will lose a girl to someone else. Being memorable is everything now and days. The text conversation you had with that girl? shes having that same conversation with 3-4 other guys.

 

You have to be willing to get aggressive with them. Have a purpose to the conversation other than making jokes or asking them when they are free. Share experiences. Voice positive opinions. Be very clear about compliments and criticisms. Be strong. You already are I can tell because you don't litter your texts with smilely faces and lol's. You just need to be able to give them a real reason to want to see you again. Text less, meet more, make moves. You'll be fine.

[KaliLove]

Basically, I met this jewish girl a while back at a jewish program. I informed her that I'm a black jew, I have some jewish ancestry. She was immediately fascinated by that. She started inviting me to jewish programs at my college. I got her number started talking to her about twice a week.

 

Me: hey fellow jew

Her: lol hey who is this? ( our first text convo I waited a few days to text her after getting her number)

Me: guess

Her: (my name)

Me: indeed haha

Me: this weekend was long did u go home?

Her: I knoooow. Hell yea

Me: ppl who go home are losers I went home too but I'm an exception

Her: lmaooo why??

Me: guess

Her: b/c our home is fun idk lol

Me: u suck , its b/c I'm awesome

Her: ohh ahahaha I am too

 

A few days later she invited me to another event

She initiated convo

 

Her: hey heyyyyy come to the jewish dinner its gonna be great

I ignored it to look mysterious and I replied a day later with something rather vague

 

Me: I was tied up with work. How was it president? ( she's the club's president)

Her: great a lot of ppl came blah blah

Me: there's gonna be a tornado near our school. U worried?

Her: haha like there's even one coming

Me: the tornado didn't hit us. U know why?

Her: haha why?

Me: b/c I'm than man obviously. Didn't u know

Her : hahaha obviously

Me: I think I saw u at a store today

Her: I was at the store. You should have said hi lol haha

Me: we should hang out sometime, jews are awesome

Her: hell yea and we definitely should. Just hit me up

Me: let's get dinner such and such day

Her: cant ( b/c of prior commitments)

Me: okay. When ru free?

Her: Wednesday and Friday afternoons

Me: my bday's tomorrow, 9/11

Her: that's so exciting!! Despite the fact that its 9/11

Her: how would are u turning?

Me: 12, I'm getting younger ( I was joking of course I turned 19)

Her: ( a day later) happy birthday!!!! Have and awesome 12th bday

 

Oh my, this made me cringe!!!

 

You ignored her and insulted her, and then you extended an invitation to dinner and never followed up and closed the deal. This is middle school flirting, not adult flirting. Why didn't you invite her to dinner when she told you when she was free?? Why did you start talking about yourself instead??? She specifically told you when she was free..if she wasn't interested, she'd have been a whole helluva lot more vague than 'Wednesdays and Fridays'.

 

Did you have a birthday party? Why didn't you invite her?

 

Also..women don't like mystery, and we sure as hell do NOT like being ignored. We want a guy who makes a move! Don't ignore a girl when she invites you somewhere! This girl was SO obviously interested in going out with you and you just played it all wrong.

 

You sound like a decent guy, you just haven't progressed beyond the way a 12 year old flirts. It's basically like you pulled her hair on the playground because you secretly had a crush on her.

 

Ahh! Don't do ANY of that EVER again! Teasing a girl is ok when you get to know her better but you just flat out insulted her by calling her a loser. You should have said that SHE was the exception, not you. And don't overdo the cockiness next time..it was too much.

Edited July 2, 2014 by KaliLove

[hotpotato]

I try my hardest to not to show my intentions and I doubt that they're apparent but I'm not totally sure. Should I post a copy of my texts?

 

Well, your intentions are showing!

Are you looking for sex or sex + relationship? Im confused.

 

The stats, attitude, and fa lead me to believe you may be a miscer.

[cbplayer]

Well, your intentions are showing!

Are you looking for sex or sex + relationship? Im confused.

 

The stats, attitude, and fa lead me to believe you may be a miscer.

I want to have sex with a few women and explore to get idea of what I like and then ultimately enter a serious relationship.

[cbplayer]

Oh my, this made me cringe!!!

 

You ignored her and insulted her, and then you extended an invitation to dinner and never followed up and closed the deal. This is middle school flirting, not adult flirting. Why didn't you invite her to dinner when she told you when she was free?? Why did you start talking about yourself instead??? She specifically told you when she was free..if she wasn't interested, she'd have been a whole helluva lot more vague than 'Wednesdays and Fridays'.

 

Did you have a birthday party? Why didn't you invite her?

 

Also..women don't like mystery, and we sure as hell do NOT like being ignored. We want a guy who makes a move! Don't ignore a girl when she invites you somewhere! This girl was SO obviously interested in going out with you and you just played it all wrong.

 

You sound like a decent guy, you just haven't progressed beyond the way a 12 year old flirts. It's basically like you pulled her hair on the playground because you secretly had a crush on her.

 

Ahh! Don't do ANY of that EVER again! Teasing a girl is ok when you get to know her better but you just flat out insulted her by calling her a loser. You should have said that SHE was the exception, not you. And don't overdo the cockiness next time..it was too much.

 

I understand that I did a lot of things wrong but if you're nice to a girl all the time won't she lose interest? I used to do that "nice guy" thing and things were worse back then. How should I be talking to girls then?

[KaliLove]

I understand that I did a lot of things wrong but if you're nice to a girl all the time won't she lose interest? I used to do that "nice guy" thing and things were worse back then. How should I be talking to girls then?

 

You weren't nice to her at all though. There's a difference between teasing and being flat out mean.

 

You ignored her invitation for a date, and you didn't ever ask her out yourself. How do you expect to start dating someone if you don't ever go on a date with them???

[HappyLove]

I understand that I did a lot of things wrong but if you're nice to a girl all the time won't she lose interest? I used to do that "nice guy" thing and things were worse back then. How should I be talking to girls then?

 

There's being too nice and then there's basic respect. The woman you're interested in deserves respect and doesn't deserve to be told she sucks or ignored after asking you out to an important event. Stop playing a role and games and be who you truly are.

[cbplayer]

Guys, I made a sincere effort to stop trying to get women to just hook up and date. I'm trying to make an effort to spend more time simply trying to get to know the girls I meet and being myself. However, women just show no interest in getting to know me. I try to be polite and not talk about boring things but noting helps. I have gotten a few girls number recently and I texted them but no reply. This constantly happens. I really don't know what to do.

[d0nnivain]

Try calling instead of texting.

 

Part of dating is a sheer numbers game which sucks & comes with a lot of rejection but once you get that one yes, it's all good.

[Mysterio]

At your age of around 21. I don't think most women are into that settle down phase. So you are around women that don't want to settle down. Thats the problem.

 

I think the best thing for you to do is get involved with mixed genders recreation and then let the women fall into your lap. You will be happier than just going thru the party/bars route. The recreational activity will be fun and you will be in a better mood.

 

You have a long life ahead of you. So don't think that if you don't get a GF now that its the end. Its the end if you think you are nothing without a woman.

 

I am 43 and single and still have my challenges as well. Sometimes I think our modern day society makes the being in love thing a bit too much. I think that a lot of relationships are lust based and don't make it, because lust waxes and wanes over time.

[cbplayer]

At your age of around 21. I don't think most women are into that settle down phase. So you are around women that don't want to settle down. Thats the problem.

 

I think the best thing for you to do is get involved with mixed genders recreation and then let the women fall into your lap. You will be happier than just going thru the party/bars route. The recreational activity will be fun and you will be in a better mood.

 

You have a long life ahead of you. So don't think that if you don't get a GF now that its the end. Its the end if you think you are nothing without a woman.

 

I am 43 and single and still have my challenges as well. Sometimes I think our modern day society makes the being in love thing a bit too much. I think that a lot of relationships are lust based and don't make it, because lust waxes and wanes over time.

 

One very big problem is that women don't want to even bother getting to know me. Developing friendships with girls has always been a problem for me. I meet girls at work/school and then they ignore me whenever they see me later. I know I'm young but I feel like it's a bad thing that I cant even develop friendships with girls. I've been trying my best to

do positive things with my life. I'm in college and interning at a reputable bank, at which I will most likely get a full-time offer and if not, I'll still have a lot of options b/c interning at the bank is a huge resume booster. I play sports, workout and I'm phyiscally fit. I attend church and spend time bonding with family. I good moral values and come from a God-fearing family. No, arrogance intended but I think objectively speaking I'm heading down the right path. I can't help but feel a void in my heart b/c I can't even form any sort of relationship with the opposite sex. It has become so disheartening and I really need help.

[cbplayer]

Can anyone make give some advice?

[Eivuwan]

Can anyone make give some advice?

 

Op, people have already given you advice on your conversation style and why it might put girls off. You said that when you're nice girls still don't talk to you. I have a feeling that when you think you're being nice and friendly, you are still doing speaking in a way that puts girls off. Perhaps you need to show us one of these conversations in which you are supposedly being nice and trying to get to know someone. I have a feeling that your problems are not about your looks, but your ability to communicate.

[HappyLove]

First, BRAVO to you for wanting something in life and actually going after it AND being brave enough to make a change. I really think there is one lucky girl out there for you. Any woman would be lucky to date a man who is as motivated and as you. It really takes huge guts to better yourself.

 

On to the problem...Ok, so you've gotten some numbers. What's with all the texting? You're looking to meet a nice girl you can date right? When you get that number call her up the next day and ASK HER OUT! I'm a big fan of getting to the point. Trying to build a texting relationship is boring and take too much darn work then you have to constantly watch that whatever you said didn't come across wrong.

 

You are miles ahead of other men even twice your age. So many can't even approach a girl much less get actual phone numbers. If a woman doesn't want you to contact her she will NOT give you her number! So something is being lost with all the texting. I'd suggest call have a date plan in mind ask her out that way if she says no your not wasting time on her. If she says yes, you have a date set.