Lipitor11 Posted June 28, 2014 Posted June 28, 2014 I met up with this guy from okcupid. I'm not interested in him. I give all the excuses in the world, he doesn't take a hint. Before I met up with him, I would ignore him on okcupid, but he would keep messaging me. I sometimes I ignore his texts, but he thinks its because I'm shy that I don't respond. Should I tell him that I'm not interested and that he's wasting his time?
Elle1975 Posted June 28, 2014 Posted June 28, 2014 I met up with this guy from okcupid. I'm not interested in him. I give all the excuses in the world, he doesn't take a hint. Before I met up with him, I would ignore him on okcupid, but he would keep messaging me. I sometimes I ignore his texts, but he thinks its because I'm shy that I don't respond. Should I tell him that I'm not interested and that he's wasting his time? Yep. A "thanks for your message, but I am not interested in pursuing a romantic relationship with you" Done.
DArtagnan2 Posted June 28, 2014 Posted June 28, 2014 Yes, you should. For those who can't take the hint, you need to be direct. 1
Assasda Posted June 28, 2014 Posted June 28, 2014 you werent interested but you met up with him? Sounds like something that someone thats not interested would do. 4
you_can_not_see_me Posted June 28, 2014 Posted June 28, 2014 I met up with this guy from okcupid. I'm not interested in him. I give all the excuses in the world, he doesn't take a hint. Before I met up with him, I would ignore him on okcupid, but he would keep messaging me. I sometimes I ignore his texts, but he thinks its because I'm shy that I don't respond. Should I tell him that I'm not interested and that he's wasting his time? How did you expect him to know you weren't interested? guys can't read your mind, and a guy would look for signs of disinterest from a girl only if he is pessimistic to start with. just tell him your not interested, and next time just say it early on instead of hoping for some guy to get the hint somehow.
spiderowl Posted June 28, 2014 Posted June 28, 2014 Yes. He might still ignore what you say because he thinks he can persuade you and he's not easily put off, but actually I think that makes him dangerous. If a guy keeps pushing it when you avoid him and then tell him clearly you are not interested, then there is something wrong with him.
ktya Posted June 28, 2014 Posted June 28, 2014 Ugh. This is your second post ive seen about this guy. Listen. Im an animal. I get a girls number i figure shes obviously interested. Ill grind her forever, a text here a text there. Wont push too hard, not obsessive, grind her for the meetup. Everyone has a weak day and breaks eventually, like on a sunday after a flubbed date with a jackass. If ive met her and she never blew me off ill keep grinding. If ive met with her slept with her and after a while she breaks it off ill keep grinding albeit slower measured in weeks rather than days or hours. It works. Women have their lonely days or its a few days before their period and they are horny as hell, or they break it off with the guy they nexted me for. If you really dont want to see him again you need to tell him and tell him to delete your number. If hes smart, he wont - because he knows youll break down again eventually. Just date other people and use him for cuddles and sex when your feeling down. Guy probably has 5-10 on the go anyway and is just keeping you engaged.
Author Lipitor11 Posted June 29, 2014 Author Posted June 29, 2014 Well, I told him that I'm not interested, that he should stop wasting his time, move on and to leave me alone. That should do the trick. Its online dating, even though I didn't want to meet up with him, because I tend to flake out on dating sites, I decided to give it a shot. We met up and he's not my type, I'm not feeling the vibes, etc, etc. Done.
Jono85 Posted June 29, 2014 Posted June 29, 2014 Well, I told him that I'm not interested, that he should stop wasting his time, move on and to leave me alone. That should do the trick. Its online dating, even though I didn't want to meet up with him, because I tend to flake out on dating sites, I decided to give it a shot. We met up and he's not my type, I'm not feeling the vibes, etc, etc. Done. the fact that you still met up with him after "trying" to show signs you were not interested in him, is flat out one of the stupidest things i've heard. and you expect him to take a hint, even though you met up with him?? some girls man..my god. so immature.
Author Lipitor11 Posted June 29, 2014 Author Posted June 29, 2014 the fact that you still met up with him after "trying" to show signs you were not interested in him, is flat out one of the stupidest things i've heard. and you expect him to take a hint, even though you met up with him?? some girls man..my god. so immature. Its not stupid. I went on FIRST DATE with him! There was no chemistry, no nothing, and I don't see a future with him. Geez. Plenty of people go on first dates only to realize there is nothing more to see. And when it comes to dropping hints when someone is not interested, guys are no different than girls.
Jono85 Posted June 29, 2014 Posted June 29, 2014 Its not stupid. I went on FIRST DATE with him! There was no chemistry, no nothing, and I don't see a future with him. Geez. Plenty of people go on first dates only to realize there is nothing more to see. And when it comes to dropping hints when someone is not interested, guys are no different than girls. okay, there's nothing wrong with going on a 1st date and realizing you're not interested. nothing. there's nothing wrong with even realizing BEFORE a 1st date, that you're not interested, after talking to him. BUT in your OP, you made it sound like you were trying to tell him you were not interested BEFORE the 1st date, and were getting frustrated that he wasn't cluing in, correct? You then went on the 1st date anyway, for what reason, I'm not sure. You cannot be frustrated with the guy for keep pushing and actually getting you to go on the date; many girls need a bit of pushing and their aloofness is not a sign of disinterest necessarily. Anyway, after the date, yes, be direct. It's always the best way imo, rather than the "fade away" which only prolongs the agony on both sides.
ktya Posted June 29, 2014 Posted June 29, 2014 Interesting question. Did you let him pay for the date? I ask because of a similar thread. Let me guess. You tried to signal that you werent interested, he pushed and got you to go on a first date, you let him pay. Now he keeps pushing for another and you are trying to signal that you arent interested.
Coup La-La Posted June 29, 2014 Posted June 29, 2014 I don't understand why women can't be more direct. I would much rather a woman tell me outright that she isn't interested than just expecting me to be a mind reader
travelbug1996 Posted June 30, 2014 Posted June 30, 2014 I don't understand why women can't be more direct. I would much rather a woman tell me outright that she isn't interested than just expecting me to be a mind reader Nobody owes you a thing. You men know when a woman isn't interested. Clue: She doesn't answer the phone and she doesn't agree to a second date. 1
you_can_not_see_me Posted June 30, 2014 Posted June 30, 2014 Nobody owes you a thing. You men know when a woman isn't interested. Clue: She doesn't answer the phone and she doesn't agree to a second date. I honestly don't think men should try to read into things, that's a perfect recipe for lowered self esteem and being scared away from approaching girls. At a certain most men will get the message that the girl isn't interested, when she has avoided him and not called him for long enough. But really the avoidance strategy for rejecting a guy is a terrible idea, it makes thing much more awkward and distressing for both parties involved. The girl will worry about being stalked or annoyed by the guy's persistence, and the guy's confidence and self esteem will take a bigger hit in this situation. on the other hand if the girl is upfront and just tells the guy politely that she isn't interested, The guy will leave with more dignity and self esteem and the girl won't have to deal with him anymore. This way the guy and girl can actually be ok with one anther after a while since it doesn't have the same "ewww" factor from the girl's perspective, compared to the first scenario.
deathandtaxes Posted June 30, 2014 Posted June 30, 2014 Well, I told him that I'm not interested, that he should stop wasting his time, move on and to leave me alone. That should do the trick. Its online dating, even though I didn't want to meet up with him, because I tend to flake out on dating sites, I decided to give it a shot. We met up and he's not my type, I'm not feeling the vibes, etc, etc. Done. The direct way is always best. A generic thanks but just not interested type message will do the trick. Then just ignore all further attempts at communication if you've told him to leave you alone. If he still won't leave you alone, well, you might be dealing with a crazy guy or a stalker or a dumbass. 1
travelbug1996 Posted June 30, 2014 Posted June 30, 2014 I honestly don't think men should try to read into things, that's a perfect recipe for lowered self esteem and being scared away from approaching girls. At a certain most men will get the message that the girl isn't interested, when she has avoided him and not called him for long enough. But really the avoidance strategy for rejecting a guy is a terrible idea, it makes thing much more awkward and distressing for both parties involved. The girl will worry about being stalked or annoyed by the guy's persistence, and the guy's confidence and self esteem will take a bigger hit in this situation. on the other hand if the girl is upfront and just tells the guy politely that she isn't interested, The guy will leave with more dignity and self esteem and the girl won't have to deal with him anymore. This way the guy and girl can actually be ok with one anther after a while since it doesn't have the same "ewww" factor from the girl's perspective, compared to the first scenario. Yea it would be nice but its not like this. So you just gotta have tough skin in the dating world. Rejection is a part of life. Point blank and period.
you_can_not_see_me Posted June 30, 2014 Posted June 30, 2014 Yea it would be nice but its not like this. So you just gotta have tough skin in the dating world. Rejection is a part of life. Point blank and period. The point of this thread was to give advice to the OP in how to deal with the dude she's not interested in, not the nature of dating world in general. Of course a guy's got learn to deal with rejection at some point, but if a girl is asking how best to let a guy down, I think my advice was appropriate.
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