Luua Posted June 28, 2014 Posted June 28, 2014 I bumped into an old flame (guy) about two weeks ago. I can't tell the whole story because it would take ages, but we haven't been speaking during the last 4 years since it was a terrible relationship. We were much in love with each other but we were young, and stupid, and didn't know well how to deal with it. I hurt him a lot during the first 8 months that lasted and he hurt me afterwards with the same coin. At the end I went NC abruptly with him since I couldn't take it anymore. Well, we bumped into each other at a music festival 2 weeks ago. We reconnected quickly and spent the night talking and told each other about our following stories. He had been heartbroken, had a relationship that didn't went well because of what happened with me, was single now but his life seemed happy and fine. That he missed me a lot, he kept reading my blog till nowadays, and passed through my street often hoping we would bump into each other. And that he didn't reconnect before because he was afraid I hated him and wanted to respect my choice. I told him I had a boyfriend I loved deeply but the relationship ended some months ago, and I missed him deeply too. We spent so much time together that I got home at 10 in the morning. He left me at the door, we gave each other a one-minute hug and said goodbye. From that day on we've been sending e-mails to each to other non stop. I mean, like 26 e-mails in two weeks. We saw each other again last Saturday to see an exhibition and ended up having dinner and talking again till 10 in the morning. He left me at the door again and hugged again. On Monday he came to pick me up at a party like at 5 in the morning and we stayed talking, again, till 10 in the morning. Again, we hugged and left me at the door. That night was fun. But since that day -that is, 5 days- I haven't heard ANYTHING from him except a short, cold e-mail. I'm worried. I don't know, maybe he got scared. Today is his birthday and we talked about spending it together but of course he said nothing. I told him happy birthday but didn't answer, so I think I'm going to stop myself since I'm feeling vulnerable still. I think we both liked each other and at the beginning I saw him more interested than I was, but now I wouldn't be able to tell. He made plans when I didn't. And I have no idea what's going on. Why this sudden withdrawal? I would understand that if we didn't know each other so well, but I don't think is a mature way to face what was going on. Maybe he doesn't like me now and doesn't know how to say it? What should I do, people? I'm confused and I don't want to wait. I would surely give it a try with him again but I need transparency since it hurt a lot at that time. I don't want to justify his actions, I just want to know what I'm dealing with. Some friends of mine have suggested to wait and see and he will probably come back, that he might have doubts. But I don't see it that clear. We've been 4 years apart, I mean, we're not in each other lives anymore.
StrongLass Posted June 29, 2014 Posted June 29, 2014 Why don't you ask him instead of asking all of us?
artsygirl78 Posted June 29, 2014 Posted June 29, 2014 As hard as it might feel to let yourself be vulnerable, there is nothing like being direct that will answer your question and worry. Men speak with their actions more than their words, so his cut off from communication could just mean that he was excited to see you but his intentions were fickle. He could be backing off because he feels confused and not sure of what he is doing. He could be backing off because he is realizing he doesn't want to follow through after the initial excitement of seeing you again. It is impossible to know what is really going on and dangerous to make assumptions. If you feel in your heart you would like to open a door to dating him again, there is absolutely nothing wrong with saying that to him directly. There is no shame in saying, hey, it has felt so good to reconnect with you again, time has passed and yet the connection seems to really be there, is there a reason why you have backed off? If he doesn't respond you will have your answer any way.
Author Luua Posted June 29, 2014 Author Posted June 29, 2014 Yeah, you're probably right. I was kind of scared to ask since I feel if I got the answer I'm not expecting it would hurt, but I guess it's going to happen anyway and it's good to know first hand what is really going on. He invited me to go to a concert today, so we'll see. I just didn't want to seem needy or scare him, since I am as confused as he might be as well. Thanks a lot!
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