Author Teuen101 Posted July 3, 2014 Author Posted July 3, 2014 really dont think she cares - I confronted her -about the lack of time on saterday she been very closed off emotionally to me even more - I dont know whats going on I'm stuck in a dark areas- nothing is really clear. but in her mind I'm the one killing the relationship but her actions dont match her words is this what going crazy is like ?
Chi townD Posted July 3, 2014 Posted July 3, 2014 Yep! There is crazy going on here. But, it's not you....it's her! Let me explain. You have valid concerns. I think that has been made clear to you by everyone here. So, you're not insane for feeling this way. Now, she trying to convince you that you and your "jealousy and controlling behavior" is killing your relationship. That's something she has to tell herself so she can ease her guilt about what she's doing (because, with any sane mind, she knows that what she's doing is wrong for a girl in a relationship). Therefore, she has to demonize you in her head to give herself permission to act this way. She's probably telling herself, "I would be with Teuen right now if he wasn't acting like such an asshat." and "Since he's acting this way, I don't want to be around him. So, I might as well have fun with my new roommate because at least he's fun and nice." blah....blah..... See where her mind is at? make sense to you? 1
Author Teuen101 Posted July 3, 2014 Author Posted July 3, 2014 I see you point - I should dropped her on the first Red flag - but i wanted to trust ! i wanted to believe ! Hope she enjoys going emotionally bankrupt cuz it's in the works for her !
Chi townD Posted July 3, 2014 Posted July 3, 2014 Yeah dude. I mean, she's going to the gym with this guy, she's telling you how GREAT he is (if he was so great, he wouldn't be cheating on his wife), their cooking meals together, going shopping together. That's things people in a relationship do! Roommates normally just see each other in passing or just hang out in the house, but they all have their own spaces to go to. Dude, just go NC on her. If she texts, IGNORE IT! If she calls LET IT GO TO VOICEMAIL! If she emails, IGNORE IT!!! If she actually gives a sh*t, she knows where you live.
Author Teuen101 Posted July 3, 2014 Author Posted July 3, 2014 Yep! There is crazy going on here. But, it's not you....it's her! Let me explain. You have valid concerns. I think that has been made clear to you by everyone here. So, you're not insane for feeling this way. Now, she trying to convince you that you and your "jealousy and controlling behavior" is killing your relationship. That's something she has to tell herself so she can ease her guilt about what she's doing (because, with any sane mind, she knows that what she's doing is wrong for a girl in a relationship). Therefore, she has to demonize you in her head to give herself permission to act this way. She's probably telling herself, "I would be with Teuen right now if he wasn't acting like such an asshat." and "Since he's acting this way, I don't want to be around him. So, I might as well have fun with my new roommate because at least he's fun and nice." blah....blah..... See where her mind is at? make sense to you? You hit the nail on the head ! she need a reason- I should have walked away with out a word when I saw the red flag - But I knew she would twist that too in I was ignoring her ! and my fault !- you are right she gave her self permission !
harvej Posted July 3, 2014 Posted July 3, 2014 I agree with Chi Town! Run, she is obviosuly into that guy and knwoing you are teh fallback allows here to continue. But when you disappear, he suddenly will lose value in her eyes because she wasnt ready for a live in. Her other room mate will grow tired of this as well. Your departure in full is the only route buddy. NC, no matter what. In addition, she owed it to you to be overally supportive given the situation and make you comfortable, but instead she disappeared. With each contact you are pushing her furthur away as she loses respect and BPD's devalue people routinely like this. The only route with a BPD is to run!!!!!!! Even if she came around, she is not worth the investment and the pain of what she did and her obvious sleeping with the new guy (painful I know) but BPD's see sex as acceptance and helps curb their appitite for closeness, so it an act of attachment issues, vs the feel of sex. She has ruined her chance and make her pay by going away and NEVER EVER looking back and start now,so the pain will get better sooner. RIP THAT SCAB OFF NOW!! 1
Author Teuen101 Posted July 4, 2014 Author Posted July 4, 2014 update doing good and going strong on- no contact- she hasn't contact me either so that s a good thing- I wish her the best she loved me ? lol omg lol
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