Simon Phoenix Posted July 14, 2014 Posted July 14, 2014 Is it ok to just ask my ex once and for all if she truly wants to just go no contact? Since we have been communicating (and she has done most of it since the breakup), do you think if I ask the question that that will allow her an out so she can not worry about me contacting her again if that is truly what she wants? I really feel that I have to hear that from her and it sounds like most people on here do say that to the other person if that is what is what they want, that you do bring it up and just don't assume no contact, you actually say it to the other person so there's no question. I still feel it is a mixed message to say that we can still communicate if what you guys say is true and she really doesn't want to. Just telling me after our talk that she doesn't feel that it would be a good idea to keep in communication I would not think would be that hard of a thing to say. I didn't beg and plead in the talk. I was confident, funny and interested in what she was saying. I was enjoying the weekend away with friends doing stuff when she called. not at home answering the call on the first ring acting all excited. No, stop talking to her. 2
flight E Posted July 14, 2014 Posted July 14, 2014 Don't try to be more honest and open with your feelings. Women don't want that. Just be truly you, that's all you need. Accept the loss of any relationship and move on$. I really pity us men sometimes. Me inclusive. We don't seem to know **** about what women want
aisuru Posted July 14, 2014 Posted July 14, 2014 I mean this in the nicest way possible... Let her go. Heal yourself. Move on.
Author dumbass2 Posted July 14, 2014 Author Posted July 14, 2014 Don't try to be more honest and open with your feelings. Women don't want that. Just be truly you, that's all you need. Accept the loss of any relationship and move on$. I really pity us men sometimes. Me inclusive. We don't seem to know **** about what women want "I really pity us men. We don't seem to know **** about what women want" This made my morning!
leavesonautumn Posted July 14, 2014 Posted July 14, 2014 "I really pity us men. We don't seem to know **** about what women want" This made my morning! But you DO know what this woman wants. She's told you. Her actions are proving it.
Itspointless Posted July 14, 2014 Posted July 14, 2014 We don't seem to know **** about what women want I guess often because the woman don't know it themselves, but expect you to read their minds. And when things do go well, you encounter attachment issues. Makes you want to retire from finding a SO altogether.
Mary Oak Posted July 14, 2014 Posted July 14, 2014 My ex would call and talk to me for months after our break up. She loved me and wanted to help me get through it. SHe felt guilty, but she didn't want to be with me. Everyone handles things differently. We also did not have a nasty break up. So, maybe your ex is just trying to relieve her guilt the best way she knows how. You are putting way too much emphasis on if she called versus texted. It doesn't matter. It really doesn't. It is actually easier to call and talk about what is going on in life then having to be put on the spot by texting, and actually confronting the issue of the break up. She got off easy. She didn't have to deal with any issues. You don't have anything else that needs to be talked about. SHe has told you what you need to know. Stay NC, do not contact her again unless you are over it.
Author dumbass2 Posted July 18, 2014 Author Posted July 18, 2014 Last night it finally hit me on day 13 of the new NC after her call and now just about 3 months after the day of break up and a little over 2 months since I last saw her, I blocked her number and email, delete her email and deleted her texts from my phone. I still saved pictures (in one folder on my computer) because the experiences we had were great (i want more with the next woman) and I'm able to hold on to those now with no problem and see them and her as a great chapter in my life. I'm moving on. Moving forward. I feel like a new person today. I look back and say to myself "I just wasted the last few months of my life and I'm not getting those back and I'm not going to waste any more". The emotion and stress were a bit hard on me from how this went down. From what I heard and my friends have said, this seems a little like kind of a backwards post break up where I, the dumpee, handled it well from the moment she said it to me and didn't beg or plead (i think to her surprise) and she kept in contact with me and then I started to contact her with regret a few months after thinking about it and tried to make sure she knew where I was with things. I know now that she was done a long time ago. Is this how it happens? I've never had someone break up with me (maybe once in early 20's but not a big deal). Does it just hit you one day like this? I feel it's now over on my end, but is it really completely over? I think I've taken some steps to try and prevent any contact. Is it going to creep back into my head months down the road? I plan on checking in on this forum and offering my advice to try and help people going through a similar situation. This forum has been great and a big help on getting me through this.
BC1980 Posted July 18, 2014 Posted July 18, 2014 I'd be cautious of feeling like it's over in one day. For me, it was a more gradual process where the lows became less frequent and dramatic over time. However, I think it's positive that you feel this way right now and definitely progress. Great job with deleting email address, ect. I know it's hard to do
Author dumbass2 Posted July 18, 2014 Author Posted July 18, 2014 I'd be cautious of feeling like it's over in one day. For me, it was a more gradual process where the lows became less frequent and dramatic over time. However, I think it's positive that you feel this way right now and definitely progress. Great job with deleting email address, ect. I know it's hard to do Yes it was hard, but not as hard you think. I think telling myself over the last 5 days that I wasted so much time that I'm not gonna get back helps and that I can't afford to continue to waste time on her. I think the only way there is contact is if she finds a way, but I have made that difficult and we aren't on social media sites together and live 10 miles apart and don't see us just running into each other. I don't see her trying to contact me ever again. You're probably right. A good sign for me is if my friends see that I'm not talking about it any more. I think then myself and them will know that I've truly moved on. Thanks
Author dumbass2 Posted July 23, 2014 Author Posted July 23, 2014 (edited) So about 18 days of no contact on my end (it's been hard) since her call and she tries contacting me at my business. Her number is on there twice, 5 minutes apart (as a missed call and one went to voice mail and nothing was left) after I left early yesterday because I had a date. Edited July 23, 2014 by dumbass2
BC1980 Posted July 24, 2014 Posted July 24, 2014 So about 18 days of no contact on my end (it's been hard) since her call and she tries contacting me at my business. Her number is on there twice, 5 minutes apart (as a missed call and one went to voice mail and nothing was left) after I left early yesterday because I had a date. I definitely wouldn't call back or answer if she calls. I'll guarantee the call is nothing noteworthy, just her wanting to check in or see how you are doing. It's not worth the time.
Author dumbass2 Posted July 24, 2014 Author Posted July 24, 2014 (edited) I definitely wouldn't call back or answer if she calls. I'll guarantee the call is nothing noteworthy, just her wanting to check in or see how you are doing. It's not worth the time. I know. I wasn't planning on calling her, but if she calls my work again, one of my employees may answer it. I guess she'll get the hint if I'm not responding like she's use to. I hate to do it this way, but I have to for myself. I'll have to just tell her if she does happen to get a hold of me. We can't go back and forth being nice to each other. It's not helping either one of us. I don't think she'll try again to contact me. Edited July 24, 2014 by dumbass2
Author dumbass2 Posted August 3, 2014 Author Posted August 3, 2014 Ok I screwed up. So a few days later she does get a hold of me at work. I tell her that I have just been real busy, which I really had been. We only chat for a bit and then I have to go because I am busy. I made the mistake of asking her if she wanted me to call her back and she said that's fine. I unblocked her and left her a message because I did also have a favor to ask her. She is a long time nurse and a few months before the break up she had talked to me about my bp medication and suggested something else and said when I go for my 6 month refills to discuss it with my doctor. My appointment was coming up in 5 days so I left her a message just asking if she could get back to me on what it was so I can discuss it with him and let her know when the appointment was. That's all. Nothing else, just a short message and told her I would greatly appreciate it. Appointment comes and goes. That was this last Thursday. Not even a text with the name of the drug she had mentioned. I know I screwed up, but really? She couldn't just text one word to me? She had just contacted me again. I now feel that all along she has just been playing mind games with me. Some on here said she was trying to be nice with how she was contacting me. This wasn't nice and now this changes things. I hope this will make it easier for me to finally move on. I was doing so much better. If she had ever contacted me in need of something that would help her, I would not ignore her. I guess it stings a bit to now know that she hates me and could care less about me. I guess I'm naive, but I really don't understand this. Does this just really tell me who she really is? What could I have done that was so bad to cause her to not respond to something that would help me? I can't see her trying to contact me again if she couldn't just do this for me and now with the way I feel about her I wont be contacting her. Maybe now it is finally over for me, but I have to wonder. I did want to send her some type of message saying how disappointed I am in her, but my good friend has talked me out of that because what good would it do. She has now made her feelings clear and now my thoughts of her are not the same. I guess I should be thanking her, but it just is not a good feeling. Almost 4 months post break up and now here I go again starting no contact all over and wonder if this is the end. Live and learn.
Author dumbass2 Posted August 4, 2014 Author Posted August 4, 2014 Can someone give me a little feedback. Was what I did so bad? I want to learn from this so I don't do it again. Besides being in love with her at one point, I also really liked this woman and the things we did like mountain biking, golfing and tennis and wish we could have had the possibility down the road to be friends (i know, doubtful) but now that possibility is gone as well because she obviously hates me for some reason. I just didn't expect this from an adult.
me85 Posted August 4, 2014 Posted August 4, 2014 (edited) Can someone give me a little feedback. Was what I did so bad? I want to learn from this so I don't do it again. Besides being in love with her at one point, I also really liked this woman and the things we did like mountain biking, golfing and tennis and wish we could have had the possibility down the road to be friends (i know, doubtful) but now that possibility is gone as well because she obviously hates me for some reason. I just didn't expect this from an adult. The only advice I can offer is to try not to obsess over her and the RS. I know it's hard but you're going to have to force yourself not to dwell in the past. These are memories, it already happened...what's done is done, I'm afraid and there's no un-doing any of it. Just learn from it the best way you know how. What's going on now is you torturing yourself with all these questions and fears. A closure email wasn't the worst thing you could have done. You were hurting. It's understandable. You just didn't get the result you wanted from it. Try to focus on starting the next chapter of your life where you are progressing towards something new and fun! Hopefully... Edited August 4, 2014 by me85
Author dumbass2 Posted August 5, 2014 Author Posted August 5, 2014 The only advice I can offer is to try not to obsess over her and the RS. I know it's hard but you're going to have to force yourself not to dwell in the past. These are memories, it already happened...what's done is done, I'm afraid and there's no un-doing any of it. Just learn from it the best way you know how. What's going on now is you torturing yourself with all these questions and fears. A closure email wasn't the worst thing you could have done. You were hurting. It's understandable. You just didn't get the result you wanted from it. Try to focus on starting the next chapter of your life where you are progressing towards something new and fun! Hopefully... I get what you are saying and I'm not rehashing the past. All that I am saying is that she is still contacting me and I just asked her a simple favor that is health related and she couldn't text the one word answer that she had suggested to me? I just think that tells me that she has just been playing games. I get it. I've made mistakes and I've tried to be honest and not play games. I just didn't expect this from an adult. I've blocked her again and hope she doesn't try calling me at work again. I just wanted to know if my asking her that favor was too much to ask for. Yes, I could have just not called her back after she called me at work, but I did want to know the name of the medication.
Author dumbass2 Posted August 5, 2014 Author Posted August 5, 2014 Anyone else? Just trying to find out and learn if my asking for the last favor considering the circumstances was something i shouldn't have done. I'm done rehashing everything before that. I just though she still might care for me as a person and it appears not. Again, I'm learning from the other stuff that happened, just want to learn from this last communication. Now on almost 2 weeks no contact again, for good.
Author dumbass2 Posted August 16, 2014 Author Posted August 16, 2014 I know it doesn't mean much at all unless an ex says that they want to get back together, but my ex sent me this. "I wish I had met you today" It's been 4 months since break up.
johnson_j Posted August 16, 2014 Posted August 16, 2014 I know it doesn't mean much at all unless an ex says that they want to get back together, but my ex sent me this. "I wish I had met you today" It's been 4 months since break up. Only she knows. Ignore it. If she wants to get ahold of you, she will.
BC1980 Posted August 16, 2014 Posted August 16, 2014 I know it doesn't mean much at all unless an ex says that they want to get back together, but my ex sent me this. "I wish I had met you today" It's been 4 months since break up. It means you should block her, so you don't have to waste your time wondering what it means. 2
SoThatHappened Posted August 16, 2014 Posted August 16, 2014 Ugh, that's a vague yet "hope-filled" text... Sounds like she's trying to reel you back in. Hold your composure and don't respond. If you don't respond to a text like that, it'll drive her to the point to hopefully say what she really means. Be prepared for any situation... but... Don't respond.
Author dumbass2 Posted August 24, 2014 Author Posted August 24, 2014 It's getting real hard not to try and contact her. I've been going out and trying to date. Have been since the break up 4 months ago. It's harder for me now then it was in the first 2 months. I've been out with at least 7 women and I'm not getting the physical spark with any of them. I went out last night and still had some thoughts about my ex. I can't believe that i still miss her this much. I may need to get some help. It's funny because I tell myself that she is not right long term, but I just want to be back with her so much right now because of the things I've learned in reflecting back that I know i can do better at. I feel bad that i wasn't able to give and share like I should have and time away has allowed me to see that. There was so much more to be that she didn't get to see, but there were still issues that I don't if she could improve on on her end. She said she wished she had met me today but in reality I wish I was the one meeting her now after having gone through a recent relationship. I wasn't really prepared for a relationship when I met her late last year. That kills me that I couldn't be meeting her now. She really does have a lot of qualities that I loved and they will be very hard to find in someone else my age. Uggghhhh!!
BC1980 Posted August 24, 2014 Posted August 24, 2014 It's getting real hard not to try and contact her. I've been going out and trying to date. Have been since the break up 4 months ago. It's harder for me now then it was in the first 2 months. I've been out with at least 7 women and I'm not getting the physical spark with any of them. I went out last night and still had some thoughts about my ex. I can't believe that i still miss her this much. I may need to get some help. It's funny because I tell myself that she is not right long term, but I just want to be back with her so much right now because of the things I've learned in reflecting back that I know i can do better at. I feel bad that i wasn't able to give and share like I should have and time away has allowed me to see that. There was so much more to be that she didn't get to see, but there were still issues that I don't if she could improve on on her end. She said she wished she had met me today but in reality I wish I was the one meeting her now after having gone through a recent relationship. I wasn't really prepared for a relationship when I met her late last year. That kills me that I couldn't be meeting her now. She really does have a lot of qualities that I loved and they will be very hard to find in someone else my age. Uggghhhh!! Don't play the "what if" game. I tortured myself over the mistakes I made, and I felt like I could have fixed the relationship at certain junctures. Who knows? Maybe I could have, but it's so utterly pointless to get caught up in that line of thinking. Maybe you aren't ready for dating if it reminds you of your ex. You can use logic all day long, but the reality is that your heart takes awhile to catch up. Be kind to yourself. Even now, I have to use logic to talk myself out of wondering "what if," but I have noticed that I'm using it much less. My heart is slowly but surely catching up. It takes as long as it takes. Just keep up NC. 1
Author dumbass2 Posted August 24, 2014 Author Posted August 24, 2014 Don't play the "what if" game. I tortured myself over the mistakes I made, and I felt like I could have fixed the relationship at certain junctures. Who knows? Maybe I could have, but it's so utterly pointless to get caught up in that line of thinking. Maybe you aren't ready for dating if it reminds you of your ex. You can use logic all day long, but the reality is that your heart takes awhile to catch up. Be kind to yourself. Even now, I have to use logic to talk myself out of wondering "what if," but I have noticed that I'm using it much less. My heart is slowly but surely catching up. It takes as long as it takes. Just keep up NC. Thanks Can't believe it is taking this long. It's just over 4 months now. I'm sure she's doing great and is not thinking about me at all today and why the hell do I care? I think she did some of her last contact just to F with me and I don't know why. I guess in the end, you do want to feel like the person did love or care about you and I don't have that feeling any more that she really did because of where we are now. I can't believe I would be hoping that she would call and want to get back together so we could really try this time. I know it's stupid, but that's my heart talking. This is not healthy thinking. Maybe i do just need to stop worry about dating, but I think I need to find someone (even a rebound) to help get over her.
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