lucaslode Posted June 28, 2014 Posted June 28, 2014 (edited) Hi; my girlfriend of 9 years and 2 months broke up with me two weeks ago after a heated argument, saying "she couldn't do this anymore". Our relationship had its typical issues but was for the most part very loving, so I did not see this coming. Two days after breaking up with me, she sends me an email filled with anger and tells me "she's been seeing another man for about two months already and she has moved on". I didn't answer back and began NC instantly. Since then she's texted and called me a few times. But since I didn't answer her calls she changed her phone number setting to unknown. When I answered my phone she sounded delighted, happy and talked none-stop and couldn't get off the phone. Yesterday she called me again with 'unknown'. Unfortunately I have to answer such calls because I run a business. It was her and she sounded once again all delighted. She's telling me she isn't feeling well and has an upset stomach. Then she calls me 'me amor', something she's never said to me in all the time we were together. I asked her if maybe she might be pregnant. To that she responded, "how can I be pregnant when we haven't been doing it?". Then she asks me how I am doing and wants to know if we can meet for lunch. She doesn't want me to pick her up at her place though, she'll meet me at the restaurant. I just have to let her know where and at what time. This is confusing as hell. Is my ex playing me or is she actually trying to get back with me? If she really has moved on with another guy, why does she want to meet me for lunch? Any insight much appreciated. Edited June 28, 2014 by lucaslode
Justaguy30 Posted June 28, 2014 Posted June 28, 2014 She has likely been screwing around on you for way longer than two months. I am guessing this isn't the first guy she messed around with. The guy she is currently screwing and I am 100% sure she is seeing how she broke up with you for him is probably not as interested in her as you were so she is going to keep you both on just to keep herself happy. Its a sick little game. As too why she doesn't want you picking her up... She is afraid new guy would happen by and see her being picked up by her ex who she has no doubt said all sorts of horrible things about and I am guessing she told him you guys were already broken up before she "moved on" or he is staying there. That is normally how these sorts of things work. You should if you can just forget about her. If she did it once she will do it again. She isn't happy with you anymore thus why she has been screwing around. She may love you but she wants other dicks. Sorry to break it down like that but that is the truth. Also if someone is cheating and says I have been doing it for 2 months add a few more months or years. If she says its one guy add a few on to that. People that do these things are not honest and they will never tell you the whole truth.
Justaguy30 Posted June 28, 2014 Posted June 28, 2014 For instance my ex told me when we broke up... we can be together but I don't want to be committed. She had already screwed tons of men. She just wasn't sure until then if she still wanted to have a committed relationship with me. Its sick behavior that will only continue to get worse. If you take her back things will go to **** very slowly and you will wind up putting up with all sorts of BS you would normally never allow yourself to put up with just to stay with her. It will not be good for you. Move on, NC, find a better woman to have in your life.
Justaguy30 Posted June 28, 2014 Posted June 28, 2014 How long has she been getting mad for seemingly no reason or nit picking things that you do. Like say you bought takeout and she instantly thought you didn't get her the right thing. Has she been texting more and putting her phone on silent? Does she often work late or have to go see family or a friend on short notice. Has she avoided sex in any sort of way that she didn't within the first few years of the relationship. Does she have other males that she refers to as friends that she talks about, that is a sure sign. She will want to exaggerate how they are just friends. A change in normal behavior with most women means cheating. Does she avoid kissing or saying I love you on the phone..... Think about these things and you can most likely figure out how long she has been cheating
Elle1975 Posted June 28, 2014 Posted June 28, 2014 Hi; my girlfriend of 9 years and 2 months broke up with me two weeks ago after a heated argument, saying "she couldn't do this anymore". Our relationship had its typical issues but was for the most part very loving, so I did not see this coming. Two days after breaking up with me, she sends me an email filled with anger and tells me "she's been seeing another man for about two months already and she has moved on". I didn't answer back and began NC instantly. Since then she's texted and called me a few times. But since I didn't answer her calls she changed her phone number setting to unknown. When I answered my phone she sounded delighted, happy and talked none-stop and couldn't get off the phone. Yesterday she called me again with 'unknown'. Unfortunately I have to answer such calls because I run a business. It was her and she sounded once again all delighted. She's telling me she isn't feeling well and has an upset stomach. Then she calls me 'me amor', something she's never said to me in all the time we were together. I asked her if maybe she might be pregnant. To that she responded, "how can I be pregnant when we haven't been doing it?". Then she asks me how I am doing and wants to know if we can meet for lunch. She doesn't want me to pick her up at her place though, she'll meet me at the restaurant. I just have to let her know where and at what time. This is confusing as hell. Is my ex playing me or is she actually trying to get back with me? If she really has moved on with another guy, why does she want to meet me for lunch? Any insight much appreciated. My guess is that the new relationship is not doing as good as she hoped for. She's probably trying to get back with you while dating that other guy. Might be that the guy now lives with her, who knows? Personally I would stay NC. I know 9 years is a long time, but would you be able to trust her again?
Author lucaslode Posted June 28, 2014 Author Posted June 28, 2014 Hey thanks all, great insight. Should I even bother keeping my luncheon with her or just cancell it? And if keeping d lunch, how should I act towards her. Obviously i still love her after only two weeks apart but i don't want to come across as being needy. Thanks for the advice.
irresolute Posted June 28, 2014 Posted June 28, 2014 she has left you for another man. What else do you need to understand you shoudln't have lunch with her? Do not go. Preserve your self esteem. She is a bitch, and for what she's done to you, you should block her forever, or until you're over her. 3
emotionalMess Posted June 28, 2014 Posted June 28, 2014 As soon as you block her and go NC. She is gonna go haywire knowing that she F**ked up royally. 2
Author lucaslode Posted June 28, 2014 Author Posted June 28, 2014 Hi; thanks again for the input. It has helped me a lot gaining a new perspective. I have cancelled my lunch outing with her and began NC. I will keep you guys updated in the event anything "worthwhile" develops. I've actually come to the conclusion that despite we had nine years, the relationship was mostly working from my part. So ... she can have who she has right now and I wish her all the best. 1
me85 Posted June 28, 2014 Posted June 28, 2014 (edited) First of all, you have been with this girl for 9 years and she broke up with you two weeks ago and told you she had been seeing someone else while the two of you were together... NOW she's acting as if everything is alright all of the sudden... DUDE, if you're going to continue to see/talk to her then start demanding some major respect and tell her she has some serious explaining to do. She's hardly your ex if you only BU 2 weeks ago and you're still talking to her. First and foremost, she cheated on you (so she told you.) Even if she just told you that and didn't really cheat, that's just as bad; maybe even worse because that is very childish and spiteful and her deliberately wanting to hurt you. For my own curiousity, in the 9 years you have been with her was there ever talk of marriage? Were you ever engaged? Edited June 28, 2014 by me85 1
seekingpeaceinlove Posted June 28, 2014 Posted June 28, 2014 First of all, your ex who was with you for 9 years had such little respect for you that she cheated on you during your relationship and then threw it in your face during the break up. I didn't see anywhere in your thread that she had any remorse for hurting you. She believes you'll come running back whenever she needs you. She thinks she can have you whenever she wants. Do you want to be THAT guy? She doesn't respect you. If she did, she would never have cheated on you, used that fact to hurt you during the break up, and then play with your emotions afterwards. Again, she does not respect you. Respect and love yourself - GO full NC. You deserve better. 1
Author lucaslode Posted June 28, 2014 Author Posted June 28, 2014 (edited) No, we were never engaged, although that was supposed to have happened this October; obviously not going to happen now. However,time and again we talked about 'taking the next step' and time and again she assured me she was OK with the way things were and maybe one day, we would get married but it wasn't a priority she said. Interesting development since I broke my lunch off with her: she's texted me 3 times and called me 7 more times on top of that but left no messages. I haven't responded to any of them and am not going to either. The more I think about the past 9 years with her and the more I consider your input here, it's becoming more and more clear that indeed I was just her peon for her to use as she pleased. Oblivious to what she was doing and how she was treating me (I was head over heels in love with this woman), I allowed her to use me like a doormat. That has all come to a grinding halt now and if she wants me back, she will have indeed have a lot of explaining to do before I even consider that option. What's more, I kind of feel right now that I don't actually want her anymore in my life. She shattered my trust completely. She can have that new guy and ride him for all she can .... suits me just fine. Edited June 28, 2014 by lucaslode
emotionalMess Posted June 30, 2014 Posted June 30, 2014 Dude, you are awesome! Keep it up. Wow, you came to the whole doormat realization so fast. You are sharp, she lost out. Good job! Be prepared for some begging and pleading on her part.
emotionalMess Posted June 30, 2014 Posted June 30, 2014 she has left you for another man. What else do you need to understand you shoudln't have lunch with her? Do not go. Preserve your self esteem. She is a bitch, and for what she's done to you, you should block her forever, or until you're over her. Nice Advice. You are becoming an expert adviser!
Author lucaslode Posted June 30, 2014 Author Posted June 30, 2014 Hi; Ha ha; I wouldn't go as far as calling myself an 'expert' but it is amazing though what one solid kick in the balls can accomplish: "It makes reality sink in real fast!". She's begun her begging already, sending me a text to let me know that she called me numerous times and I never answered my phone so she wants to 1) make sure I am OK and wants to know if 2) I am 'ignoring' her. Yes and yes! Thanks again for all the advice. I wouldn't have been able to bounce back as fast as I did if it wouldn't have been for you guys taking the time to shed some insightful assistance. Taking several steps back and listening to opinions of those who have 'been there done that' surely has helped me a lot. Thanks again.
Chi townD Posted June 30, 2014 Posted June 30, 2014 Big red flag for me is when you agreed to the Luncheon, you said you would be around to pick her up. However, she told you not to do that; that she'll meet you at the restaurant. That's a red flag to me! What's the big deal about picking her up?! You've done it for years! Is she afraid you're going to run into someone that she doesn't want you to run into? Something to think about. Plus! If what she has to say is THAT important, she knows exactly where you live. Nothing is stopping her from going over there and knocking on your door.
Griesfootball Posted July 1, 2014 Posted July 1, 2014 Sounds like a lot of cheating and lying she is doing. 9 years, what do you think she has been doing all that time if she is telling you about this other guy she's been around the last two months
changchewsoon Posted July 1, 2014 Posted July 1, 2014 Her mentioning of pregnancy is just a way to get your attention and to get a reaction out of you. Yup, like some of the other posters here commented, the moment you go NC get ready for lots of begging and pleading, coupled with some anger and drama that comes with it.
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